Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dieting Woes and Fat Chach

So, I'm on a diet. I'm 90% off dairy. No pasta. No bread. It sucks fat mannequin ass. I'm so happy, though because I was finally able to lose 10 pounds. I wasn't in a position to lose weight for too long and not because I couldn't shut my pie hole, for other reasons.

My metabolism just might be heading back to normalville and God willing the weight will keep falling off, like dead-leaves, like sands through the hourglass... these are the days of our lives. Wait, that's a soap opera, right?

Anyhooch, I found some fuck off hilar squared URLs that I had to share because I'm a freak. If I can't stuff my face with fat, I need to remind myself why I'm being a good diet soldier. I'm not dining on dick at the minute, so I must entertain myself in other ways. Plus size caskets, more chunky but funky caskets and still more. Are you plotzing? Yeah, me too. Moving right along. Fat Cities- no joke fat heaven. Plus Size Yellow Pages- why it's just faterific squared! Ample Stuff- fat chach. Thank God, I am not in need of a hand extender to wipe my ass. Want a fatvacay? Hit Fat Cruises and set sail with other portly petals.

While fatfrolicking myself into a frenzy, I hit the Quacker Factory. This broad creates tent attire for the MOB crowd with murals. Nothing like a 5x5 country, complete with cities and families touring in RVs around your entire body to make a dame feel thin. She also does Quacker cruises. Her motto is, If you can’t change it, decorate it.

What I didn't notice was a Fatarella or a Fat Bush or Fatlympics. This surprised me. Make no mistake, I will keep searching as zealously as I do for fundie and LeePee dish.

Non sequitur of the day, Ben Harper is a hersheyheeb. His mothah is a Russian Jew broad. How hot is that!


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