Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10 government spy lists I am probably on

from the fabulous crionaberry

1: "thank god we can finally rid the internet of smut" list
2: "dirty jew" list
3: "fat jew" list
4: "fat" list
5: "her penis envy could lead to a sex change" list
6: "supports gay marriage. let's kill the bitch" list
7: "has compromised jesus" list
8: "hates bush" list
9: "stem cell junky" list
10: "feminist must be a man hating cunt" list

make love to me

::top 5 reasons you should never say, make love to me::

1: it's creepy

2: how could you possibly subject the following enthusiastic, sweet adverbs, "when we", "will you", "please" and "let's", to such cruelty and call yourself a decent human being?

3: the concept of making love makes no sense to me. how can you make love? it's a noun. and, don't give me the, "but it comes after a verb" argument. you're being asked to fuck a noun.

4: the phrase, "making love" is repulsive and equally wrong on every level.

5: there are a million ways to skin a romantic pussy. I can't imagine wood rising or cunt's dripping when someone says, let's make love. one man said this to me a few years ago and I could not stop laughing.

side note: my intimacy and commitment issues have no bearing on my disdain for the phrase, love making.

five things you don't know about me

ah-ma-gahd-ma-bff-fahevah (note the overly dramatic juvenile pre-teen tone) crionaberry, meme'd me after stegbeetle meme'd her. see below because I meme'd YOU.

I'm such an open book. I think I've spilled everything. so, if any of this sounds familiar, just skip over it. or email me and call me a repetitive bitch.


::five things you don't know about me::

1. I'm barely 5'4. I haaaaaaaate being short. I am the shortest person in my family. I always wanted to be amazon goddess tall. 5'9 or 6'. height is sexy. I'd be thin! I could date short men and look cool.

3. I have an inappropriate obsession with floss. I will not kiss a non-flosser. I will not kiss a flesh-hound unless he's brushed and flossed. it's a freakish trait. however... I have converted many non-flossers. if you don't want to lose your teeth, floss. if you want to make out with me, floss. if you want to fuck me, floss. if you want any sexual play whatsoever, floss. I'm a flossing zealot. but, I can suck a bagel through an asian man's cock. so, isn’t it worth it? plus, you get to keep your teeth!

4. at present, I am enjoying a full and robust bush, and I emphatically refuse to wax at this juncture.

5. I am a forearm whore. the first thing I notice on a man is his forearms. relationships have burgeoned on this criterion alone. ok. so, they weren't intellectually gratifying, but who doesn't want to be twirled by a manly set of forearms for 5 minutes or more?! however, I will admit that when I'm looking for relationship dick, all I care about are brains-wit-and-charisma. I don't care what a man looks like. if he makes me laugh. if he challenges me intellectually and introduces me to new ideas, etc. and he has charisma. I can't scream, where do you want my ankles fast enough?!

::I am tagging::
wp, online bff 4ever
sweet honey smack
al sensu fingerboy
mullet boy
ribbed for your pleasure
vocab
midgetboy
guthgirl
mars
skirmish of wit
passion of the dale
romius
freak-and-a-whore
sparktacular
lewch

 

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