Sunday, July 15, 2007

and how was your weekend, schwartzy

hot damn, what a weekend. what-a-weekend. I learned a lot. wrote a lot. cried a lot. shut the fuck up. cunts with moxie have feelings, donchya know. vulnerability is just not my thing. it's become a recent bedfellow. perhaps we'll one day even learn to live side-by-side. I'm not holding my breath either. in the end, I feel good. real good and that's a beautiful thing.

my neighbor changed her curtains. this is of great concern to me. does she think I'm peeking into her bedroom? I am, but not intentionally. I can't see in anyway. I just tend to stare out my window when I'm thinking. plus, her curtains are never open, so what's with the nazi panel she's cooked up?!?!?!

whatev. she's a freak. she says she only opens her windows during the summer. HI. ONE WINDOW DOES NOT AN OPEN HOUSE OF WINDOWS MAKE, COOKIE. look my way. every window is open. why? because I'm a fresh air whore all year round. I know and appreciate the meaning of fresh air. she's abusing the concept and misleading her neighbors.

I know I'm obsessing.

didjya's download the wooden sky's record yet? well, what the fuck are you waiting for, beautiful babies?! run. now. do it.


Anonymous said...

"...I'm a fresh air whore all year round...."
Even if you remove all the fresh are, the sentence still rings true!

Good nght sweet jewgirl!

Anonymous said...

erm.... that's fresh 'air' and good 'night'

Damn booze!

Bubs said...

Hey, whatever it was that had you crying, I'm glad it's over with and you feel good now.

I'm always glad when you return after a few days and bless us all with your groovy pictures and cunt talk.

There. Are you happy now?

Writeprocrastinator said...

I'm with you, I've had three sets of neighbors living in the apartment directly in the same sight-line with our TV and whenever I look up from the TV before I rise, they:

A) Get up in a huff and leave the room.
B) Pout and close the drapes.
C) Make a stern face, then do steps A & B.

Now, unless someone is getting busy, nasty, fighting, or any combination thereof, I'm pretty much not interested. Doesn't it amaze you that neighbors think that much of themselves, that you would go all "Rear Window" on them?

Writeprocrastinator said...

Yeah, what Bubs said!

jewgirl said...

aww, rhet, you're so gone with the wind right now. sweet dreams, jewboy.

jewgirl said...

i know, rhetsky shmetsky

jewgirl said...

BUBBSIE SAID CUNT! I am plotzing. oh my god. when I saw this, bubs, I dedicated a post to you and this comment. OMGEEERS. you go, bubbsie. go, go, goooo!!!!

jewgirl said...

OMG, writeP. YES. YES. YES. you nailed it. it is so narcissistic (sp) on their part. as if that's our plan. so fucking lame. why are people like that?!

ah, ah. argh. ah.

jewgirl said...

write P: you say cunt, but not as often as I'd like. can we make a concerted effort to cunt it up, please?

wait. is that creepy?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

An observation about Jewish women and the word "cunt" -- they go together in a good way like corned-beef and rye. My mom uses the word "cunt" every other sentence. And I was thrilled last week while shopping en el mercado Super Kosher to hear an old Panamanian Jewish broad just bullshitting with the girl at the cashier saying "chucha (cunt)" this, and "verga (cock)" that, in friendly combination.

For the goyim out there, this is not unusual. Cunt, cock, fuck, motherfucker, cocksucker, ass-licker, ass-fuck, etc., are NOT Jewish curses.

As far as I know there only exist two Jewish curses: CANCER and HITLER. When either of my folks used one of those words, my sister and I were heading for our bedrooms at record speed!

jewgirl said...

kelsey, are you sure you're an athiest? I just can't believe it. you're so heebalish. no way are you an athiest.

it's so true re: jewish broads and cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, which by the way are my favorite and I do mean FAVORITE cursewords. I grew up with those words. I always thought it was a jew brooklyn thing. I am quickly learning it's a global jew thing.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

jewgirl schwartzy:

You DO ask the weighty questions, don't you? Let me try to put my beliefs as succintly as possible. When I lived in NYC I belonged to a humanist shul which expunged the words "God" and "Lord" from its liturgy.

I don't believe in God in the sense that there's an invisible man in the sky who decides everything. I believe there are things that are beyond human understanding: like what happened BEFORE the three minutes before the initiation of the the universe's space/time continuum. The marvel of calculus which has brought so much understanding to the world CANNOT deal with 0 or INFINITY, so "God" is probably in there somewhere. That said, I despise organized religion and $500 Yom Kippur tickets. And the book of Deutoronomy and Joe Lieberman. I began my blog when I was stil living in the US where only 5% of the population is self-identified atheist, so I felt I had to fight my corner. Living in Panama, where about 1/3 of the people don't believe in God, I do practice Judaism from time to time, albeit in a humanistic way. I am not kosher, but I won't get a tattoo more out of respect for the millions of my Ashkenaz forebears who had tattoos forced upon them, not because of something in the Torah. Does that make any sense?

Yes, street language IS a global Jew thing.

What part of BKLYN you from: B-Heights, Slope, Flatbush, P-Heights or Midwood? I know you ain't from C-Heights. If you've got any Murder, Inc., in you, you might be from Ft. Greene or Clinton Hill. Oh, fuck, you could be from Sheepshead Bay or Brighton Beach.

I grew up in the city, but my mom's Flatbush (Linden Blvd) all the way.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Perhaps, this is a cultural or Freudian thing, but I'll go even further with regard to Jewish women and "cunt." It is a gross generalization but in my experience NO ONE fucks like a Jewish woman. They are the stone-cold pure fucking nuts at fucking. The imagination, the fetishes, the rawness, the outright lust, chucha madre!

The corollary, of course, that no one eats cunt like a Jewish man I believe also to be true. I call it the "OUR BODIES, OURSELVES" theory of adolescent sexuality.

It breaks down like this. Every Jewish teenage girl owns or owned a copy of this book and had it MEMORIZED. Adolescent girls being ahead of adolescent boys, when we got down to cases for the first time with y'all, y'all knew that book backwards and forwards and put us through our PACES, no lie.

Don't know how it is ezactly in other locales, but in the New York metropolitan area, no straight Jewish boy gets out of high school without knowing how"be a gentleman" or (in my era) do a passable Bob Murphy or Marv Albert impersonation. [Famous sportscasters for the non-congnoscenti].

Dino aka Katy said...

mhh I love fresh air and open windows when I can sadly with the heat and humidity these days - not an option

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Tampoco aca, equatorial "winter" is brutal: 95+ degrees every day, 99% humidity, and constnat rain. Windows are never open and A/Cs are blasting non-stop.

But that isn't why I've been unable to sleep despite munching down valium and smoking rock. Today was the day I was planning to go to the Pacific Multiplaza mall across the street and buy all of the New York Mets and Pokemon decorations I could find, plus buy a Nintendo in antiicpation of my 7 1-2 year old son's arrival for the month of August. His room has remained pristine since I bought the apartment.

My ex, however, did a terrible, terrible thing, she let his passport expire. Just as she shined on the deadline for filing his Little League papers for the Greenwich Village North team, AFTER he had been named opening-day starting pitcher, starting 3B in games he wasn't going to pitch and was to bat 3rd in the lineup. Just as when he was about to come down for Pesach, she decided it would be a good idea to petition a NYC family court magistrate to force my repatriation! The latter is risable, of course, because no family court magistrate has jurisdiction over matters of State, nor could a Permanent Resident in good standing of the Republic Of Panama be required to go anywhere he or she didn't desire to go. The former two little crimes of omission are not so risable.

Thinking on my feet I inquired of my outstanding Licenciada Y Abogada (Solicitor and Barrister, effectively), Lcda. Lynette Arosemena (Cedeno) if there was anything she could do to help. She said she had a couple of contacts in the American consulate and could call in a favor to arrange a temporary PP and tourist visa for my boy. [No sexist Kelso, I would trust Lcda. Arosemana with my life and conisder her the finest attorney in the Republic). Upon hearing that this could be done, my ex also informed me that unbeknownst to her, the passport of the NYU student from Brazil she had contracted to bring my boy to me and return him home in September was also without passport. Arranging the passport and visa of a Brazilian student resident in the USA is beyond even the mighty force of Lcda. Arosemena (Cedeno). When will I see my boy? I haven't a clue? How was your weekend, Kelso?

I'll give myself credit for maintaining a cheerful blog persona here, but why do the tragi-comic lyrics of Johnny Cash's epic "A Boy Named Sue" keep echoing in my ear? I cannot imagine how he'll take being told that -- no -- he won't be spending August with his Dad in Panama. I expect he'll take it a lot harder than he did upon being informed that -- no -- he would not being starting and batting 3rd for Greenwich Village North.

So, while I consider myself very lucky to be represented by the estimable Ms. Arosemena and am proud as can be of all of my mother's accomplishments, I am afraid that divorce and male feminism very much do not go together like corned-beef-and-rye. We all have our crosses and tsurises to bear.

Dark, cynical, Russian-Jewish Spanish-speaking Sons-of-bitches with brass balls and lots of gamble cry, too. Vulnerability ain't my thing either.

Stay strong, jewgirl. I'll try to do the same.

Anonymous said...

bubs said 'cunt'!
That is a milestone!
The long, dark night is at an end. The dawn of a new ea is upon us!
At my new house, I can't even see my neighbour's house let alone their windows.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Mmmmmm, fresh air whores, mmmmmmmm.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"write P: you say cunt, but not as often as I'd like. can we make a concerted effort to cunt it up, please?"

I thought I explained this already, my mom was the only person in the household that could say that. I don't want to be haunted until my demise.

"wait. is that creepy?"

It will be. I can say pussy, if you'd like. Or, if I get cast in an English gangster film and it's in the script, you could rewind it and hear me say "you stupid c*nt" all day long.

Anonymous said...

In England when one hears the phrase "You stupid cunt" it is usually shortened to just "Cunt" and it is accompanied by the sound of a pint class breaking in the face or the alledged cunt.
Nasty place those bars in England.
Scotland is even worse for that sort of thing.
Cunts the lot of them.

Amy Guth said...

True dat re: Heebettes and the cunt-word.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Well, all it took was the good old Republican party to end my personal pity party. I don't expect anybody to understand this article exactly, but it is BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, CUNTINGLY BAD SHIT FOR YOUR INTREPID COMMENTATOR SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER. I should have expected nothing less from an injustice department and it's masters who seem to relish in the 4000 dead American servicepeople (Kelso, Sr., Navy vet...wait until you see how this formerly magnificent branch of the services will be put to use in the Straits Of Hormuz).

If anyone bothers to read this article, it will be clear that this is just more of the usual Christian bellicosity and amateur okey-dokes we've come to know and love from your masters up there.

I know Rhet has his problems with my adopted country but one thing can be said for CdP, its Jews and its Muslims consider themselves Semitic brothers, not "at war" at all.

Everyone here by the way is doing God's work by being Jewish or ID-ing with being Jewish and saying "cunt" a lot. But take it from this Hebe, Muslims are not your problem, everybody. Everybody in Israel except a handful on insane Zionists knows that. Your White Southern Christian Right, however, not so CUNTING much. THEY are the enemy.

Oh, in Russian: PIZDA ("cunt"), KHOUI (cock, or "oh, fuck!"), PIZDIETZ ("total cunting fuckup")

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