Sunday, September 24, 2006

organic cunt

so, I'm listening to, 38 special. you know the song. come on. guess. you know. I'll tell ya at the end if you don't.

yesterday, I was at one a' them there organic food stores with my sister. we were standing in line to buy fat. packaged in organic it's the perfect self-lie. a skinny blonde with a hight tight ass and the word CUNT plastered across her forehead was in front of us buying whole coconuts. who fucking eats whole coconuts anyway?! so, whole cunt checks out, but doesn't leave the checkout area. she doesn't want her dumb ass coconuts bagged either. she wants to carry them out so the WORLD CAN SEE WHAT A THIN PERSON EATS! WELL FUCK THAT WHOLE CUNT BITCH WHORE! her leather bag straps are draping over the atm/credit card machine so nobody else can use it. the clerk is checking us out and bagging our fat. and, what's whole cunt doing? observing our purchases and glancing at us contemptuously while TAKING HER RECEIPT AND FOLDING IT. but not just folding it, folding it into four perfectly aligned creased sections and then -- only then, placing it into a secret FUCK YOU WHORE compartment in her STUPID OVERPRICED WHOLE CUNT BAG. she grabs her coconuts and before spinning on her yoga, pilates for good measure, heels, she picks up some organic reader and starts reading WHILE SHE'S STILL ON LINE. HER SPAGHETTI STRAPS STILL ALL OVER THE FUCKING MACHINE! so, the clerk says to me, that'll be $15. I can't get to the machine without whole cunt thinking I'm trying to boost her shit, so I said, can I quick pay for this? she says, can I finish this article? in the spirit of not ripping her a new asshole, I glanced at the clerk so she could deal with it. and deal with it she did. it turned into a 16 act drama of epic proportions with a fleet of managers, but here's what is so funny! whole cunt comes in once a month to buy her freakshow coconuts and basically get thrown out on her ass so she can draw attention to herself. each time she throws a fit. and, each time she meets a new man. CLEARLY she needs a new plan. therapy and FOOD, because she can't seem to keep a man, and I can't FUCKIN PAY FOR MY FAT.

don't forget to wish mullet boy a happy birthday. any chicks up for giving a lil' head today are encouraged to drop him a line.


*hold on loosely

9 comments:

yournamehere said...

You should have punched her in her ovaries.

Thanks again for another birthday shout out.

AL said...

hahahahaha.... you listen to .38 soecial?

Mars said...

:) I eat whole coconuts.

Amy Guth said...

HolyShitHolyShitHolyShit, that's so funny! What cuntiness...

L'Shanah Tovah, lovey. Rock on with your .38 Special.

Writeprocrastinator said...

First, I knew it was "Hold On Loosely." Chicks don't dig "Chain Lightning" or "Rockin' Into The Night."

Second, did it occur to you, Katie, that she was hitting on you? Seriously...no? Ah, you're right, she was just desperate for attention.

Third, Happy Birthday Todd! I'll say it over there tomorrow, I gotta go to work.

katie schwartz said...

mullet, I hope you had a great birthday!

yeah, toon boy, I do. so what of it? why you gotta bust my bawls, huh?

mars, if I am unfortunate enough to run into whole cunt again, I will jot your url down and tell her that you want to bend her.

thanks, amykins. happy new year to you too, dahling.

wp, very good point!

Dale said...

I thought for sure it would be So Caught Up In You. It matches us and the special way you feel about your coconut laydee.

Duane Swierczynski said...

And you say I'm dark, Katie?

Writeprocrastinator said...

"And you say I'm dark, Katie?"

Aboslutely. Just ask Lennon...

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