Tuesday, September 19, 2006

4am... cunt's on fuego

it's almost 2 in the god damned mother fuckin' cock suckin' morning and what am I doing? working. I'm not getting to bed until 4 or 5. if my boss doesn't stop crawling so far up my fuckin' ass, I'm gonna charge him rent. he's got a god damned village touring my rectum with a few morons climbing through my intestines like it's mount fuckin' Everest.

I'm one jew, ok. that's it. I didn't part the seas and I don't even have split personalities. give a heeblette a break, you know?!

fuck me. fuck off. this sucks. I'm tired. not in the literal sense because I'm way too freaked out about my doctor's apt at 9:30 this morning, but I'd much rather be theoretically sleeping and horizontal.

my organic, hairy cunt sucking whore neighbor, ted, what a dick name, knocks on my door about an hour ago, wearing hemp shorts and no shirt. with his fuckin' unshaven pussy face goatee, in that grating, dry eyes voice, and says, can you please take your shoes off? I can hear you downstairs and I'm trying to sleep.

suck my ovaries, asshole!

then I slammed the door in his face and started laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. I was doubled over, screaming. I could not stop laughing.

well, I guess I better go back to bottoming for my boss.

this is so fucking creepy. I googled the fab dry eyes comedian and look what the devil delivered:: I don't understand. he's a jewboy and funny like nobody's business. what the fuck?!



Al Sensu said...

Everyone knows Christians are not funny.

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Katie, I think you need to go back on your meds. Tequila works well, too.

your mother said...

Sweetheart, I always told you not to leave assignments for the last minute.

yournamehere said...

I would convert for you. Really.

katie schwartz said...

really? I'm so forlorn. I thought it was obvious that lapsed catholic cock is far tastier than brisket dick.

I think I need to stop holding back and being so shy, you know?!

Anonymous said...

I dont know what the fuck you are writing about but you are smoking hot

katie schwartz said...

oh, stroker, isn't that a serious pleasure plunger you've got between your legs?!

your comments are appreciated, but far too generous and misguided.

did you know that the world wide web was named after my hips?! interesting bit of trivia, no?

consider this your non-sexual trivia of the day


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