Wednesday, September 06, 2006

what is with people and their cars?!


people out here have such a hard on for their cars. like it's the most important introduction to who they are. the only thing that matters.

I actually have neighbors who own ridiculously expensive cars and live in tiny little boxes that they rent. I ask, why are you bothering? save ya money and buy something! what kind of a schmuck who doesn't have more money then god would spend twice their rent on a car?!

I said a horrible thing today. I want to feel guilty about it. I really do. but, I'm having trouble getting there, which has NEVER happened to me before. there was a broad in a shiny new 450K mercedes (pause on mercedes for a minute. I looked up the car and it really is 450K. can I just say for the record that if I'm going to buy something for 450K, especially a car, it better have a sybian seat that heats up and makes me cum... A LOT. it better have a whirling dervish of tongues that can dine at the Y like nobody's fuckin' business. it better drive for me. serve me cocktails and feed me hot, scrumptuous fat free three course meals. dispense cash and take my calls.) back to the broad behind the wheel. she had an extraordinary face lift. I mean it was truly magnificent. I can't even imagine what it cost her emotionally, physically or financially. so, get this, cunteena didn't feel like stopping at the stop sign. she just kept rolling on through it and was about to cut me off, but paused .... with attitude. I had my dog, louie in the car. you want to hit me, fine. my hellnine, oh, will you regret it. I says to the cunt, I says:

"oh, honey, after you. god forbid you emote. I simply couldn't be responsible for you spending another penny on that tight new face of yours."

the guilt.

one of my neighbors left a note on my car that said, can you please stop parallel parking by bumping into my bumper?!

ok, let's recap, "can I please stop BUMPING into his BUMPER?" hmm. bumper. bump. bumper. bump. fuck him and his stupid cockextenda on four wheels. build a bridge and get over it, missy! my god, it's a CAR. how else am I supposed to park? by paying attention? fuck you! all a yous.

I'm tired.

I'm going to make myself horizontal now and hope that I actually sleeeeep.

4 comments:

Joe Fresser said...

Perhaps you learned to park from the same guy I did. His name was Murray and he was a shriveled up guy of about 70. This was in Flatbush. The student car was an AMC Hornet that got the AM classical station from Philly on the radio. Of course, I failed my exam (I was 23 at the time), so my wife had to teach me how to park properly. Oh, that was fun.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Procrastinator Jr. and I have driven the McLaren SLK...

















in a video game. We also saw a fine example of this money pit in Golden Gate Park. Imagine, a car that actually costs more than a Rolls or a Bentley.

Nothing says subtle like a car that has the same list price as half the housing in America.

yournamehere said...

I think those cars should be painted with lead paint and have seats filled with aesbestos. And explode randomly.

AL said...

how could you say such a terrible thing? you probably just cost that woman $3 G's to buy new tear ducts. i don't think we can be friends any longer... you meanie...

 

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