Tuesday, September 05, 2006

oh, what a tangled web of shame we weave


I have nothing to blog about.
I've been sneezing for days. it's extremely unattractive.
I got freaked out by a christian today.
the mayor of my block bought a new mercedes and has decided to go with a white nautical clothing theme.
I'm ovulating next week.
I'm fat.
I have to speak at my best friend's wedding in 7 weeks.
I have nothing to wear.
work sucks.
I'm forlorn about a certain something. cryptic enough?
I'm thinking that when I reincarnate, I'd like to come back as a black man with a freakish 12 inch cock. at least then I'd have a better shot at being considered a porn star.
I'm nauseas.
I'm tired. but not sleepy tired.
I have so much to do and there isn't enough time in the day to do it all.
I feel like a suburau: ugly. beaten up and hung out to dry.
I got a marriage proposal today via email ;0
sigh
sigh
sigh

13 comments:

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

dear katie, this should be a banner day for all katies in the 3rd dimension. one of your own is anchoring the network news. feel better soon and if it's true about that marriage proposal via email, respond via a singing telegram and tell him to fuck off.

Al Sensu said...

well then I'd like to be reincarnated as your tits. it's true, i know them only by reference, and haven't seen them, but i know they are well-loved and that's good enough for me.

now prince charles wanted to be reincarnated as... oh fuggedaboudit

katie schwartz said...

mister mxyzptlk: you are so out there. it's truly quite perfect. I was being facetious about the marriage proposal.

al-sensu, porn daddy of doom: you are too much. hahahahaha. I think charles should come back as an asshole seeing as he's spent so much time crawling up his mothah's.

you's two are funny, funny boys.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I have nothing to blog about."

The TomKat offspring has arrived or, a photographic likeness thereof.

"I've been sneezing for days. it's extremely unattractive."

Every man loves it when a woman is flushed and her hair all akimbo. Now, if you could only curtail the sneezing...

"I got freaked out by a christian today."

So have I since a certain chimp was inaugurated, back in 2/2001.

the mayor of my block bought a new mercedes and has decided to go with a white nautical clothing theme."

Dammit, where's Kathleen Turner in her "Serial Mom" persona, when you need her?

"I'm fat."

Compared to Nicole Richie? We all are. Even those starving children in the Third World Countries, are.

"I have nothing to wear."

Go "au naturale," I guarantee that you will make a new friend.

"work sucks."

If it didn't, we would call it "fun," wouldn't we?

"I'm forlorn about a certain something. cryptic enough?"

Angst Zeit, it's all the rage. Cheer up, or...well, just cheer up.

AL said...

quit crying, get dolled up, bang back 16 beer at the nearest meat market and get yourself a piece of jailbait ass.... jebus... do i have to solve all of your problems???

John Donald Carlucci said...

I suspected that Writer P was considering becoming a polygamist, but a proposal is just downright bold.

Hey, Writer Polygamist works!

JDC

yournamehere said...

Boo "sneezing for days".

Hooray funny girls with big tits.

n.v. said...

All big titty girls are funny. It's a defense mechanism.

Katie, I'll plug you no matter how much you're sneezing or how ugly your outfits are. Seriously. Just hang on while I dig up my 12 inch cock. It's somewhere in my closet. (I hide it when company comes over)

Al Sensu said...

mine's 15 inches

when viewed in a 3-way mirror at just the right angle

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I suspected that Writer P was considering becoming a polygamist, but a proposal is just downright bold.

Hey, Writer Polygamist works!"

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

John Donald Carlucci said...

WP - my joke fell flat. It went horribly wrong. sob. Sorry.

JDC

Cavalor Epthith said...

Though we are certain here that there is no reincarnation, we can help you with the rest of your request when you arrive here in the afterlife.

Qu'ul cuda praedex nihil!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"WP - my joke fell flat. It went horribly wrong. sob. Sorry."

No, pardon me. I got confused because Katie said...

"I was being facetious about the marriage proposal."

...and it literally slipped my mind. I was half-asleep this morning.

 

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