Wednesday, February 07, 2007

creepy or kind?

as far as neighbor tales go, let's face it, I'm riddled with em'.

today, I got a note on my door from my neighbor that said,

if you and louie need help moving some stuff downstairs, feel free to knock.

menschy, right? really nice, thoughtful and kind. so, why did I get the creeps? how snatchy of me. here is a human being expressing kindness and goodwill towards womankind.

what the fuck is wrong with me that I could even think for a second, ok, creepy, thanks, but no thanks. then I realized why I thought that.
  1. yes. he's very nice to my dog whenever we run into him in the hallway.
  2. yes, we've exchanged pleasantries. you know how you do.
  3. no, we've never had a discussion.

how did he know I was moving? is he a tenant tracker? a chubby chaser? does he sniff fat chick panties? is he trying to fuck my dog? steal my dog? is he paying a fat girl karmic debt? is he trying to boost my credit card for itunes? what is the deal? why the sudden interest in helping sowlicious move? what's in it for him? there has to be something in it for him. you know it and I know it.

you appreciate my concern, right?

from what I know of him. he's really nice. very athletic, easy on the eyes, but come on, it's SO not sexsssual. I don't even want to fuck me right now. it's got to be something else. so, what is it? what's he after?

the fact that I even think all of that really bothers me on several if not all levels. am I so jaded and so far gone that I am mistaking kindness for creepiness? now that's creepy.


Mountjoy said...

"...does he sniff fat chick panties?..."

I fell clear off my chair at that, Katster. Luckily, a huge pile of beige and pale pink size 24 bloomers, none less than a year old, and all with suspiciously stained gussets, broke my fall...

*Jules* said...

maybe he needs some good jew girl karma? Maybe he beat up jewish girls when he was younger? Or was mean to fat girls and he needs forgiveness. Let him carry some boxes. why do what someone is willing to do FOR you? Even if it IS creepy.

Al Sensu said...

Now just try this:

Assume he is a nice guy that wants to help.

Even if he proves otherwise, you'll get your stuff moved.

"jew" "girl" said...

mj, at first glance, I thought you said, beige and STALE.

thank god I'm not a 24, god knows I could be there in a lick and a promise.

"jew" "girl" said...

ah, jules, because sometimes the price is too high. I'm not saying this is THAT. but, I never delegate what I can't / won't do myself. good quality or fault? or have we just hit a semantics impasse?

"jew" "girl" said...


not to negate what I said about never delegating. if I do need help schlepping and, or installing, I prefer to hire someone who does that. so, that's what I did. I hired a schlepper.

ok, so I'm phobic of feeling beholden. it could be worse. I could be one of those life sucking vortexes of need.

good independent or too independent or have we hit yet another semantics impasse?

Mountjoy said...

"...a lick and a promise..."?

Sounds like a girl's definition of a date gone sour....

Amy Guth said...

Could you be any funnier?

That said, I am so with you. Oy, peas on pods, you and I.

Creepy said...

Don't all us men "sniff fat chick panties?"

Writeprocrastinator said...

I'm not saying anything about your neighbor, but Ted Bundy was a "nice" guy. Demeanor doesn't mean a thing, there are a million good-hearted people in this world, that comport themselves with all the grace of rabid wolverines.

You should look for the real warning signs. Does he throw off bad vibes? Is his furniture and apartment covered in plastic and/or aluminum foil? Are there band and circular saws in the living room, where there is no wood at all to be worked on?

Does he say that Anthony Perkins and Glenn Close were "misunderstood" in certain roles? And does he bring this subject up, often and unasked?

Anonymous said...

I got the same feeling when a fellow animator wanted me to stay with him. I didn't know him, his house was weird, and I was uncomfortable. For all I know, he is a genuinely good-hearted guy, but the truely deranged individuals don't show it until it's too late.

For the most part, yeah. We're brought up not to trust "strangers", so no one is used to kindness from people they don't know.


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