Sunday, February 11, 2007

c-punch and katie's letter to leewee

Dear LeeWee,

I know you don't know me personally, but I'm Katie's BFF. She TOTALLY lets me read all the letters she sends to you, and I dry her tears when you ignore her in return. Why are you so hard on her, LeeWee? She tries so hard to be your friend and you just turn a blind eye again and again. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, LEEWEE? Ever ask yourself that?

leewee, the only reason I have the strength to write to you now and maintain my blog is because of cp's boundless generosity. I have gone through every virtual box of his kleenex. he has and continues to dry every single cyber tear of rejection. we are also very concerned about how anti-christian you're being. if jesus can throw a bone to a whoa, don't you think you can give a shout out to a jew? the man himself was a heeblette. that's something to get your prayer on about.

But I didn't mean to run on & on about Katie, fabulous as she is. (I heard she used to do herself up in the Blairsey hairstyle. So did I, but on me it looked more like the Blair Witch! HA HA HA!!!) Kristians like to laugh, don't they? :)

cp, I think we can tell her the truth. it'll be ok. last halloween, cp went as blair and I went as his lover, jo. I wore her signature tuff-girl leather jacket with matching leather motorcycle boots and a helmet. very butch. very hot. I mean hot, hot, HOT. cp was INSANELY SEXY! he had the most enviable long-blond-blair tresses and stilettos. he even managed to design a proper langley uniform. the skirt was a bit short. well, slutty really, BUT GOOD SLUTTY. you would've been so proud of us. we represented, yo!

Anyway Weezy, Katie and I just wanted to write to say "Hey Blairsey, what is the DEAL with this Mitt Romney running for President?" We're like "Omigod he's a MORMON! Ewwwwwwww!!!!!"

they don't believe in anything we stand for at all! are you as shocked and appalled as we are?

Celestial Underwear? (not be confused with adam and eve or adam and steve) I AM SURE!!!!! Weeza, in the name of JESUS we CANNOT LET THIS APOSTATE WIN! If we do, we can pretty much kiss the nation's spiritual integrity goodbye. I mean puuuuhleeease! Weeza, I just know you won't vote for someone who thinks there is more to the Holy Scriptures than just THE BIBLE!

the man has a point, girlfriend.

And what is with those other books they worship with?
The Pearl of Great Price? What kind of gay name is that for a bible, anyway? SPARE ME, I'M SURE!!!!

Anyhoo, Katie wants to say a few words now so I'll sign off. I'd type hearts & stuff if I could.

Love ya xxxxooooooooo,
ps: SWALCAKWS!!!!!

in closing, leepee, we really hope that you learned something today and that you begin to embody the true meaning of christianity.



Coaster Punchman said...

I really hope she answers this time. She should, what with all the traffic we're probably sending to her site.

Dale said...

Maybe it's because she died in 1988 like the photo says? She had nice jugs for a 9 year old.

Amy Guth said...

Oh my G-d, I'm dying! So funny! So funny!

Bubs said...

Oh God, too much. Good times. I cannot believe, will not believe, that she continues to ignore your outreach.

lulu said...

Silly, it's not Adam and Steve, it's Adam and Steven.

I'm sure she'll write back; it would be very unJesus-like not to.

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock is going to make this happen for you. The resources of The Few are at your service.

That being of course the negative balance in Evil Spock's checking account.

hapabukbuk said...

i was intrigued and went to fair leewee's website. i came across her family introductions. she says about her daughter:
"She has dreamed of becoming the first female President of the United States since she was a preschooler. Thankfully, she's beginning to reconsider that goal."
thankfully! we wouldn't want a young woman to dream such a big dream! she should stay home, have babies and teach her children the ways of the church! it's what all good christian women do!


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