Tuesday, February 20, 2007

bitch is back.... sorta

Shalom beautiful babies,



I’ve surpassed exhausted only to graduate into the likes of a 90s wannabe-SUV Subaru with a burgundy exterior and a beige cloth interior with that look-at-me-bitches bumper-to-bumper taupe trim piping.



I am so ready to be horizontal, I can’t even tell you. I’ve slept maybe 10 hours total since Saturday. insomnia— moving— day yob… writing? I wish. I need more time to write. Argh. I’ve been experiencing an outpouring of words. love that, it’s very channeling via fingertips. I am craving more writing time, so you bet your sweet fat/thin/chuvvy ass I’ll make it!



The move was great. new digs are fabulous. Will post pre-chach photos and post-chach photos once I figger out how to use my sister’s digi. I only shoot on a vinty 35MM. photography is the only area of my life I won’t go high tech. super dinosaur. Super stupid, I know. one casualty, a 50 cent vinty pink serving dish not worth anything more than I paid for it, but I loved it.



I got the strangest email from a fellow requesting a photo of the freak show lippy mess that is my cunt. Please, I don’t even want my gyno seeing my puss at the minute, so I ain’t sharing it. capisce! Coco’s cavernous taco isn’t enough for him?! she has lips for days. that’s gotta preoccupy a person for weeks.



I can report that my creepy neighbor has been entertaining many of the single hall crawlers. There’s a trio in the building that spend every fucking night flitting through the hallways, smoking in the alley racing in and out of each other’s apartments. it’s so college dorm. Did I mention that they’re in their 40s? they’re experiencing a renaissance, I get it. but, the cackling and, does he like-like me or like me? will he call? Did he call? Did you like get an invite to that party? You totally have to take me. I get my hair done at that like overly-priced-hair-salon, you so should too. so what, he drives a Mercedes. Have you met so-and-so? I will so totally introduce you. like OMG. OMG.



Not to be a dishy cunt rag, but what self respecting dame in her 40s wants to speak in severely non-age appropriate slang? Is that hot? There’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE between mocking age appropriate slang and competing with the tweeners of the world, yes? yes. yes?



Haglette stool watch is behind us, knock wood.



my apt now looks out onto the street, it’s very bright, airy and open. when my sister rolls up (notice the mock), or out of her apartment, she always shouts, KATIE. Of course I yell back, HEY, KER. HOW YOU DOIN? STOOP IN 20? Full conversations are had. The memories flooding back, I can’t even begin to tell you. it’s our little slice o’ east coast heaven. I figger we have at least another week or two before someone kvetches about the noise level. People are so sensiteevo out here. Dude! (mock again. pay attention).



So not in the mood to work today. would love a good nap. Waiting for cable. OMG. OMG. OMG (mock). I was ready to bend time warner over and fuck them up the ass with a Christmas tree on Saturday. I was hoppin like a frenzied crack whore in dire need of a fix. Those bitches were supposed to show up between 1 and 5. I called at noon to confirm. Hello! Internet access, television. come on, we all know the importance of this particular install. At 1:30, I get a message on my bb that THEY WERE HERE and I wasn’t. those wretched vileenas, I WAS HERE! Nobody fucking called or buzzed me. this phone was strapped to my pussy. I didn’t let it out of my site for 5 fucking minutes. FUNNY, everyone else managed to call and get through, sa how come they didn’t?!



Bunch o’ bitches.



They better show up today between (8-noon). It’s 8:30 and bupkas. Oy, the ahj, I’m telling you, girl. oooh. If they don’t, hell hath no fury like this snatch in need. THAT’S ALL’S I’M SAYIN’



Ps: our beloved and most poetic wp and my online bff has lost his g-ma. It’s very sad and he’s very blue. please go and send him a missive filled with love and support.



I’m off like a prom dress to stalk the building or hijack a time warner truck and drag his ass back to my house for an install.

7 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I can report that my creepy neighbor has been entertaining many of the single hall crawlers."

Jeez, check the entire ceiling area of your apartment before you go to bed!

"Not to be a dishy cunt rag, but what self respecting dame in her 40s wants to speak in severely non-age appropriate slang?"

Just like the seventy year-old that wears clothes from the 70's, they don't want to leave their comfort zone and have to grow up. We all have that little thing that we hang on, to from childhood or adolescence, it just sticks out more with others.

The funniest part will be when they are in the rest home, talking like that.

"I figger we have at least another week or two before someone kvetches about the noise level. People are so sensiteevo out here."

Yeah! At least you're not your neighbor, complaining about the afternoon tryst's aim, or lack of sexual social graces! Honestly! Good gravy!

"I was ready to bend time warner over and fuck them up the ass with a Christmas tree on Saturday."

Note to self, if you see a Christmas tree in a Jewish household past Christmas, run like hell!

Thanks again for the wishes and good luck the cableman kidnapping! May it go over smoother than Annie Wilkes in "Misery."

I better see a hundred and fifty channels in here, Mister! Or someone is not going to get any food!

Bubs said...

Welcome back. And good luck with those boxes.

Romius T. said...

I would prefer you dip your menses in a freezer bag. And ship it straight away to me. Nothing is better on a NYC cheesecake than some fresh Jew cunt flow.

Kisses.

Romius T.

Tanya Espanya said...

Yay, you're back. Mazel tov on your move.

Al Sensu said...

Send me a note when you get horizontal... I'll be right over.

Coaster Punchman said...

Not to be a dishy cunt rag, but what self respecting dame in her 40s wants to speak in severely non-age appropriate slang? Is that hot?

Unfortunately you just described me, except I'm not a dame. But I do still talk like a 17 year old. And a 17 year old circa 1983 to boot. OMG!

Ms Smack said...

Welcome back sugar!

Cant wait to see pics of the new digs! I'll reciprocate in email :)

 

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