Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Billy's Willy


I love web hosting emails with subject lines that read No Rack Fees. It always makes me think of the twins and how affordable it would be if they would just cross over to the bra space. Right now, I'm averaging $25 a tit for airport-security-alarm bra support.




Speaking of breasts, I saw Bill was on the news yesterday regarding the many women he's fucked and continues to fuck. Um. DUH. Every generation of woman I know wants Billy's willy in her Wageeena. He could be 110, hobbling on a cane and I'd still want him to dine on my Y.


I'm so tired today. All I want to do is make myself horizontal. I can't though, too much to do. Argharooney.


Speaking of Rooney, does Mickey still have a pulse? Okay, that was cunty. I take it back. I'm just so damn tired. I think I'm procrastinating. Yup. That's it, I'm being a big screaming procrastinating douche.

6 comments:

John said...

"That's it, I'm being a big screaming procrastinating douche."

Did you just call Procrastinator a douche? Mrs. Procrastinator is so gonna noogie you.

JDC

FranIAm said...

You have such a fucking way with words sister.

As for the cunty Mickey Rooney remark, let me tell you about my celebrity brush with Rooney-douchebaggery.

The year was 2000. I lived in LA and was forced (shit happens) to travel to Hawaii a couple of times a year on business.

I was coming back to LA on the Continental Redeye from Honolulu, as I always did because I always got upgraded.

This very crabby and VERY short (I mean I am only 5'1") alterkocker was sitting across the aisle from me. He kept giving me dirty looks - why I couldn't tell you.

It was that little fucker. The whole time he kept scowling at me. I am not a paranoid person, but he must have thought I was someone else.

Even the flight attendant noticed it. Weird shit, Rooney styl-lee.

He would get up to go to the bathroom and glare at me. I wanted to deck the little pischer.

That's it Katie- it is all I've got.

And he is still alive. He only smiled when Judy Garland was around.

Who can blame him?

Writeprocrastinator said...

John's half-right, The Missus is going to sternly correct you...I'm "schmuck," not a "douche."

"Right now, I'm averaging $25 a tit for airport-security-alarm bra support."

Are you implying that the girls each have an area code?

"He could be 110, hobbling on a cane and I'd still want him to dine on my Y."

That wouldn't work on soooo many levels. First, you don't want to have his dentures fall out at the wrong time. Second? You don't want him dying in the middle of the act, especially if you didn't get to finish, so at least you'd have that to lessen the guilt of killing the geezer.

"Speaking of Rooney, does Mickey still have a pulse? Okay, that was cunty."

Speaking of which, I had to kill a Monday post because even though I was going for stream of conscious, it made the character sound too Andy Rooney.

DCup said...

Hell, I'm just here for the cake.

Bubs said...

I was amazed that Bill's latest rumored hookup was Gena Gershon. I just never imagined them in the same circles.

When you come back here you and MizBubs can swap boob tales.

Freida Bee said...

I don't charge nearly so much to protect teh boobs. I'm just sayin'....

 

design by suckmylolly.com