Friday, August 10, 2007

Rest in Peace My Sweet Sweet Louiejew


beautiful updates below...



Louie Jew, Jewcifer, Hagamuffin, Shagamuffin, Buglette Wuglette, Super Bug, Dori, Shags and Shagaboombas, were my kid's nicknames. He joyously answered to all of the above.



On August 1st, 2007, I put my beloved Shagamuffin to sleep. I am assured he did not suffer. That he felt relaxed and tired. He was a mess. He had abdominal sepsis. It came on fast, 24 hours and he was gone. They say he was not in pain. His spirit left and had been dwindling two-weeks prior to his departure. His eyes closed as effortlessly as they opened when he came into this world. I am grateful that I was there when he took his first breath and I was there when he took his last. He was my first dog. My first pet. My first born son.



I don't know who I am without him or how I will exist on this earth without this child. He saved my life. He was my lifeline when I needed one. He was lovely, sweet, kind and good. He lived an abundant canine life, filled with great friendships, delicious food and treats, summer camp for canines, the very best health care money could buy and he ran like the wind to play catch with his rope many times a day. He's been across country so many times and stayed in more hotels with his mama than you can imagine. He was fearless. Gentle. Incandescent and the greatest gift and joy I have ever known in my life.



I didn't know my heart could love like this and break the way it has. Well, I did know, I just didn't realize the human-to-canine crossover. I have to remind myself to breathe. I have to remind myself that I did the right thing. That I acted in his best interests. That the choice I made doesn’t make me a monster. Rather, it meant that I love him that much.



I wondered and still do, did he know how much I loved him? How much he meant to me. Did he feel loved on August 1st when I ended his sweet, beautiful life? Does he know how grateful and lucky I feel to have shared eight years with him? Does he know that I will never forget him? Oh, how I worry about that.



I love him so much and my heart is so broken. I am in agony. I don't know how I got through that August 1st. I suck at saying goodbye, especially to my sweet Juice, a beautiful, perfect soul who bought out the very best in me and taught me so much about life. About myself and about what it's like to be a dog.



It seems that no matter how many Rokeach candles I light. No matter how many tears I shed. No matter how angry I get. No matter how many times I question my decision, none of it will bring him back. He is gone and I might never be the same Katie again. I am forever changed because of his life and his death.



I remind myself daily that if I didn't love him as much as I do, I wouldn't feel this much pain. It doesn't help. Maybe one day it will. Until then...



Thank you to every single blog friend I have for your incredible letters, emails, fragrant and pretty flowers, beautiful posts, check-ins and friendship. I am very lucky to be surrounded by such good and kind friends who are willing to take time out of their life to be a friend, my friend. From the bottom of my heart, I am eternally grateful to you. All of you. Thank you.



:::UPDATES HERE:::



virgotext wrote the most beautiful post/poem about juice and about losing our beloved pets that brought me tears. it's so exquisite. please read it.



if you haven't read guthy's equally exquisite post about death and mourning, you have to read it. yeah, it will bring you to tears, too, but in the very best way.

28 comments:

Madam Z said...

Yes,dear Katie, you "did the right thing." You showed your perfect, unselfish love by ending Louie's suffering in a gentle, merciful way. I believe that Louie was a very fortunate doggie to have had you as his "mom." It sounds like he had as happy a life as any dog could wish for.

I hope you do feel some comfort from knowing how many people are sending sypathy and understanding your way.

Beth said...

Sweet Jewgirl, he knew he was deeply loved. You can see it in his eyes in that photo. And your heart is too big and honest and open for any soul -- human or canine -- to miss.

Of course you should feel great loss. Louie was with you every day. He was there when you woke up, when you went to sleep. His body was the comfort you needed on dark days, lonely days, happy days. That hole will take a long time to close.

As much as it hurts, be glad that you loved completely, that you shared your life with a soul that loved you completely.

We're here for you, doll.

Beth said...

And Shagadore? He was gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

My sister says that I never post comments and that I should. I love your beautiful tribute Shag! It brought tears to my eyes....he was and is so deeply loved and will forever be missed! I love you and so does Shagaboo!

Miss Smack said...

Such a beautiful post, Katie. I cried all the way through it, my mascara stinging my eyes thinking about you and your beautiful connection with Louie.

I have no doubt that he felt your love probably more than you know, mate.

Animals are more intune to feelings than most people. Remember that. Thats why he loved you, and you loved him right back.

xx All my love,
Catherine

Coaster Punchman said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Here's a hug for you babe.

virgotex said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Of course this sweet animal knew how much you loved him.

Give yourself plenty of room and take the time you need to feel. This anguish you feel will ebb and flow, and eventually your life will fill in the big space that seems so raw and deep right now.

Peace and hugs.

sparkypoo said...

Katie, I am so very sorry. But I promise you, our pets know how much we love them. They know when we are happy, they know when we hurt. Your baby knew, I am sure of it.

Mauigirl said...

I'm so very sorry - please see my comment below the previous post (I meant to respond to this post). I just came over here for the first time and found your post about your dog and am sitting here in tears. I know what you are going through and it is the hardest thing you can ever do, to let your dog go. But it is harder to let them suffer. I know your dog understood how much you loved him. My thoughts and sympathies are with you...only time will help.

Jewgirl said...

now that you've all made me cry my ass off thank you very much, which I do appreciate by the by. I can thank you once again for sharing such beautiful thoughts and for sharing the loss of your own beloved pets. YOU GET IT and for that I'm grateful to each and every one of you. It helps. It helps! Every word. Every story. Every thought. It just helps.

Thank you so much!

Eebie said...

My heart goes out to you, Katie. All those tears are a beautiful eulogy to the love you shared for each other.

DCup said...

Jewgirl - cried so hard I couldn't see to comment.

Love you.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Hindsight isn't 20/20, it doesn't exist. There was nothing you could've done, it's just one of those freak things. Everytime God runs the can opener (and you know that he does, because Louie is the chosen dog) and food hits the bowl, I can hear Louie still taunting the other dogs.

I wouldn't be surprised that God is going to put him in charge of all canine affairs up there, it's the only way you can the Dog of Action busy.

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock's cat Sophie always seems to know when Evil Spock is upset. He'll come and climb on Evil Spock's back and sit there and purr when Evil Spock has the doldrums. Evil Spock doesn't know what Evil Spock would do without Sophie.

Sorry for your loss Katie.

Johnny Yen said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry.

I remember when my family put Partly, the mutt we'd had since I was 2, down when I was 19. I was living three roommates out west, and I had to go to my room and cry. He, like Partly, sounded like quite a character.

Bad Bad Girl said...

This is the second post I've read about putting a dog to sleep. it's so sad. I would hate to have to make that decision. loving thoughts to you...

Rhet said...

Puppy will make him welcome.
Rest assured jewgirl

Mountjoy said...

Loosing a pet that you have bonded with is a terribly traumatic experience. It would be twee of me to say that time heals that pain - it doesn't. And nothing can replace that bond. All you can do, jewgirl, is remember him and the happiness he brought you. That, you never loose.

Distributorcap said...

i am so sure he looking down from heaven and will always be watching over you...

you brought the waterworks out tonite ----

and trust me -- he knew you were right there!

Eric Riback said...

What a wonderful picture!!!

Thanks so much for sharing this, difficult as it is.

I asked Louie how things are in doggie heaven and he said, "Ruff!"

Sending you lots of love through the internets tubes...

Chaylene said...

I'm a mess after reading your beautiful tribute. I am so sorry you had to go through this, and my heart is broken for your loss.

I may be a bitter cynical bitch, but there's a real soft spot in there for pets and their loving owners.

He looks like a true best friend, Katie. I know for a fact he knew how much he was loved. Big love to you as you try to heal.

Chris said...

My sincerest sympathies to you. I have been reading your blog lately via mutual blog-friends. We put our fifteen-year-old family dog to sleep the day before (31st) and it was heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry.

Al Sensu said...

LouJew, you wonderful hornball, thanks for being Katie's buddy and bouncer. I know you'll watch over her, and so will we.

Love and kosher kibbles,
Al

Amber Dalton said...

Oh Jew-jew-bee, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, he knew. Your depth of mourning shows all of us what a loved pet he was and still is.

I would say something all religious and shmushy about how everything happens for a reason, I don't actually believe that and nor do you, so I will say, all sorrow has a season, seemingly unbearable, but every day shines a new sun.

-AD

plain(s)feminist said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Dale said...

Very sorry for your loss Katie.

Creepy said...

I'm so sorry, Katie. Find comfort in the fact that he didn't suffer. I have worn the very first ID tag from my very first dog on a chain around my neck since I put her down in 1993. Hang on tightly to your fond memories.

 

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