Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It Matters

I have no sense of time. It's genetic. It's not a malfunction. It's something that's quite festive actually ... until it matters. It mattered tonight when I was talking to my mother and we were dishing about the kid.

The abridged version is that even though I couldn't find his birth certificate (PS: you can bet your sweet ass, I will find it. I am one determined dame), I found evidence that he was born in 97', which means he was 10, not 7.

I had 10-years with my kid. 10 beautiful, perfect years. It's never enough time, ever. I would've loved more time. It'll never be enough time. I'd give up everything I have right now for more time with him.

Knowing that he had 10-years matters to me. Knowing that we had 10-years matters to me. It gives me a sense of peace and relief. My son lived 10 glorious uninterrupted years on this planet and I have proof.

I found his baby pictures. The day he was born. When he was 3 weeks old, 4 months, a year, 2 years and all the way up to the present. There was one picture that meant the world to me and I FOUND IT, it's the picture of when he separated himself from his brothers and sisters at just 3 weeks old. He sat across from them, observing. I was so taken with his moxie. I thought, look at the balls on this kid. That's my kid.

I will sleep with the angels tonight. I won't have nightmares. I have some peace and it matters.


Bubs said...

SLeep well.

Tanya Espanya said...

I'm glad you had those 10 years. That's some good living you guys did together.

We had Black Cat for about 12 years, and we don't know how old he was when he died in March. We rescued him when his previous family decided to leave him when they moved away.

We brought him on all our moves (to St. Louis, to Miami, to Spain) so when he died it was pretttty crummy.

I crush you with my love, Katiecakes.

Beth said...

Hell, yes, it matters. I'd love to see The Photo.

Hugs and love, doll.

Mauigirl said...

Hi, just checking back in to see how you're doing. I'm glad to find out that you had ten years together and not just seven. We had ten years with our Alice as well. We wanted more, of course. But having had only seven would have been worse... I'm glad you found all the great pictures.


design by