Katie Schwartz

run like a dawg see this moo-moo

shalom, jewlcious and non-jewlicious peeps. how is everyones jewsday going? wp meemed me and I am meeming... see below. this is a personal meem. like, it asks personal q's. could be fun. who the fuck knows. why not. worth a twirl, donchya think? DO YOU SNORE? as if my life depended on it! ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? that's a creepy question, comparable to someone saying, I want to make love to you. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? choking. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? yes. I was insanely creative. loved to create legolands. but loved to spin yarns even more. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REALITY TV? hate it. it takes jobs away from writers. it's also fabulous. if your life sucks ass, reality tv proves your life is not half as bad as someone elses. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? incessantly. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? duh. chubby hairy jewbaca. what's not to love?! IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? I'm not sure. right now it is. though I vacillate. it would be lovely to be in love, but ...

we're done now. bye-bye.

the reason why blogging is such great procrastination is because it's a shot of post. click publish and walaah there's your quick fix.

back to work whorebag. I'm talking to me. I'm the whorebag.

tim mcgraw is very crotchy. have you noticed? cock ring? balls through the cock ring? he doesn't feel like he stuffs. could he be that well hung?

well, I can't post comments. you can. I can't. can you believe it? banished by blogger from commenting on my own blog. sigh. I'm a blue jew. if blogger wasn't owned by google, I would think it was a republican conspiracy for no particular reason. potd . you want to fuck me twice? what if I can suck a bagel through an asian man's cock? what if I suck in bed and fuck like a dead fish? you still want a second go? don't forget to do your movie meemish. I know, I'm a pushy cuntsteinowitz. it's what we do. mother hen . I haven't switched to beta blogger. honey smack . thanks. crionaberry . thanks for the test.

my comments on my posts have been disabled and I have no idea why or how to fix it. help! toss me a pearl. 1: I have already enabled comments and republished the index and the blog. 2: I have removed comment moderation. 3: I'm a desperate whorebag. help!

you have got to read al sensu 's post about these hot models selling coffins . it is so funny!

too fabulous. done procrastinating. have a good day. bye bye now.

I don't understand what it means when christians say they have a personal relationship with jesus. I was christian blog hopping this morning ... for a change. shut the fuck up, and happened upon this doozy. "I went to a tragic funeral today. No, not the most tragic one I have ever been to. BUT, they have the eternal hope that they will see their son again as they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ... Their beautiful son also had a personal relationship with Jesus too and is in heaven right now... The most tragic funerals are when you know the people do not have that hope I have mentioned. Be thankful we have our children every minute as they are really just on loan to us from God " the loan from god thing is creepy as all fuck off. but that's another post. anywho, it's not the first time I have seen the personal relationship buzz fraze used (I know, it's phrase), but I'm seeing it more frequently. it's always struck me as arrogant, presumpt...

1. Popcorn or candy? I am a buttered popcorn whore. the smell of movie popcorn makes my mouth salivate and my vulva lips twitch louder than a school of summer crickets (I know they don't travel in packs). especially with a sugary soda back. oh, please. hello. divine. 2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever. a clockwork orange. never seen it. I have guilt about that. I do want to see it. it's like warriors. you have to see it. 3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom? I don't know. it seems like such an impossible feat to just be nominated, that's not enough? 4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. one? as if. grace kelly's wardrobe in, to catch a thief. or katherine hepburn's in, bringing up baby. 5. Your favorite film franchise is.... bad boys. I love the chemistry between will smith and martin lawrence. it's an exhilarating, funny ride. will smith's talent is inspiring + he's hilar squ...

I have a percolator. I'm an un-cool coffee drinker and I'm ok with that. I don't use a press pot. I don't drink a fancy squeezed bean with a foamy top. I percolate a pot, add half-n-half and sugar in the raw. and, it's perfect. my percolator is from the 50s. I got it at a garage sale for 5 bucks. not because I couldn't afford a fancy percolator. but it tastes better. my perc's on the peel. I'm so forlorn. I'm going to have to send my perky pot to heaven. I need a hot tip on a new one. it's sad. but, true. toss me a pearl.

I love the drama and sex appeal of a good vinty ad. clearly she, me has nothing interesting to say. so, here's the plan. leave work. home. shower. pick up loujew from school. park. store. home. horizontal. writing? we hope. go with god, cuntsteinowitz

I wonder if he was like the george clooney of his era.

I'm so lighting a rokeach for barbie... she's dead to me. we are through. no matter what her ensemble, she's still a fuckin barbie. Predictable as ever.

what's happening here?

what is she saying?

love this fabulous spread.

what a refreshing change from ken. I wonder if his cock is bigger.

the bride of jihad.

she may look like burqa barbie. but she screams eva peron on the lam.

shalom... wp tagged me for a movie meme, which I will be doing. click on over to wp's and lewch's meems. good reads. I will be posting my meemish shortly, but you know how much I love an advanced tag. I did include one additional question. indulge cuntsteinowitz, will ya?! 1. Popcorn or candy? 2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever. 3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom? 4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. 5. Your favorite film franchise is.... 6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them? 7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater? 8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days. 9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie? 10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy...

CBS appeals FCC indecency rules By Brooks Boliek Nov 21, 2006 WASHINGTON -- CBS told a federal court Monday that the government's new "zero tolerance" policy for indecent broadcasts is threatening to choke off free speech. In its opening brief with the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia, CBS contends that the commission's policy "is flatly inconsistent with the bedrock principle that First Amendment freedoms require breathing space to survive. "The case is one of two legal battles this month that will go a long way to deciding whether the government can slap broadcasters with a big fine and threaten their licenses to operate because of a slip of the tongue. The other case is in the New York circuit and involves Nicole Richie's use of the word "shit" during the 2003 Billboard Music Awards, which aired on Fox. On Sept. 22, 2004, the FCC said that CBS and Viacom, its parent company at the time, knew or should have known that Janet J...

those who live in liquored up houses should not throw bottles of red wine

thank god for al sensu: erotichism

fab, ain't she?

that barbie sure pulls off the modern day muslim dame, doesn't she? again... could she be ANY WHITER?!

at least it's a fat free addiction. it's better than gorging myself on whole pies of the sweet and savory variety. ps::: should she really be so creamy white? hi. beige. little more true to life.

I can't help myself. deal.

our favorite creepy christian has graced us with a new entry . it's not that great. + she's thinner. bitch. Stormie Omartian :: ok, who wants to tell this christian diva that her namesake is a porn star ?

jude deveraux the raider barbie and ken doll gift set is that too much or is that too much?!

retired barbies ? a collection exists. it's the barbie motherload.

finally an anatomically correct ken doll rubbing one out and his back is to us. mother fucker. *sit = slut in training

no matter how liquored up that barbie tries to get ken, he still won't eat her pussy. with a hair don't like that and skin tight club wear, he's beggin for a ken cock nosh.

finally! a realistic "how to" become a SIT. * SIT = slut in training keep pace.

well, here it is, thanksgiving. a national celebration of murder. but, it's not like it wasn't for a good cause. we just wanted to claim the usa for ourselves. the years have passed. the leaders have come and gone, but not much has changed, has it? fuck live and learn . **

no wonder haggard didn't want to masturbate instead.

write the joke. come on. it'll be fun.

this picture is so blasphemous. jesus wouldn't be caught dead with porn that isn't written in aeramaic and that doesn't feature mary magdalene on the cover. which, by the way, should be a stone tablet. gahhhd.

in a queer ass attempt to deal with myself, I'm going to do something I don't normally do. actually, it was dale's essay about his childhood, Passion Of The Dale: Strangers With Chips , that I read a few weeks ago that gave me the moxie to do this today. I've been conflicted about it. wp can tell you. I posted it months ago and then ripped it down as quickly as it went up. but, there are a few reasons I'm sharing it. one, women need to know about it. two, I hope it begets a change I need to make. graves becomes her there's a comment rule on this. no empathy. no sympathy. I'm serious. no empathy. no sympathy or I will hunt you down and vomit all over you. go with god, cuntsteinowitz

this morning, like every sunday morning, I visited coffee talk with lisa welchel. we each worship the lord in our own ways, don't we? personally, I rely on lisa to tell me how to feel. what to think. who to pray for and how to live my life each day for 6 days until the 7th day when it's redefined by lisa once again. last week and this week there no journal entries. I've been wandering aimlessly for two-weeks without lw's guidance. so, where in the world is lisa welchel?

see, I have a choice. I can run to the store and buy enough fat to clog a dozen arteries. or, I can blog the forlorn out of myself. hence the stupid, queer ass posts. fuck me.

when I saw this, I thought, hey, mel gibson could really use a, pick me up and words of encouragement. so, I emailed him. his email address was surprisingly easy to find: kikehatingcocksucker@fuckthosejewsforkillingjesus.com .

bad --> dish. news. e-stalks. calls. suck. mother fucker. but, jesus hating bush... that's a good silver lining.

I just realized something. on december 30th, this blog will be a year old. do I get a prize? will google/blogger send me a chach? what do I get? the satisfaction of committing to something for a year? cause I'd really prefer something more tangible.

well I'll be dipped in always, I just got my period. my menses . my flange is on fuego . crampage is not far behind. ok. fuck off. it's time to stop blogging now. I have things to do. I'm procrastinating. mother fucker. that's one of my favorite curse words. bye. done. gotta go. see you. later. go with god, katie

katie schwartz :: good vaginal bleeding :: just because a girl acknlowledges a menses here and there, doesn't make her a vaginal bleeding post centric ho. then again, according to my darling romius , "I get the red runs 16 times a month." great breasts :: I'm sure they were shocked as hell to happen upon my massive waistlettes hymen :: hymen? katie :: even better menstrual barbie :: now that's a menses search I can live with born to fuck schwartz :: from the searcher's lips to god's ears circumsized is best :: I never said that clit removal :: I NEVER said that curse words list :: I would get an a+++ fucking me so :: oh, how I do wish I'm menstruating :: again with the menses katie schwartz + jewish comedy :: who can argue with such a compliment?! news... my panties are moist :: ok, but it's not like I'm incontinent my tits weigh :: this is true. I've hoisted the twins on scales. they have weighed up to 10 lbers a pop taught ...