Katie Schwartz

1. an orgasm pre-sleep is always a crap shoot for a woman. it puts her out or perks her up. 2. jewergies 3. I felt I got distracted from my hate time. so, I woke up to do a few hate exercises and bitter runs. 4. haglette the hellnine dripping in, something-died-in-his-fat-fuck-farting-ass 5. wondering how I can jump on the, I-see-dead-people, wagon and make a few bucks. 6. reading my top 10 reasons to commit suicide and realizing, I'm onto something. 7. pondering how to be a contemporary guilt dispensing weapon 8. wishing I could remember the name of that, don't-pay-the-irs-and-don't-get-penalized, book. 9. curious about how long it takes cheese to pass through your system. 10. a girl's gotta pee!

it's no secret that fehatty loves food, so I gave myself a nice food squared nickname... katertot

what is it?

1. to compare katie schwartz's pussy with katie schwartz's pussy I'm kidding. I must say, I am severely curious as to why your katie schwartz doesn't have an email address. is she food stamp poor? is she a hippie? is she opposed to advancements in technology? how old is katie schwartz? how tall is katie schwartz? thin? fat? chubby? big breasts? hearty laugh with the odd snicker/snort combo? friendly? cold? aloof? aquarius? blake, spill?

1. discounts on white sheets 2. uniforms with matching hats 3. stupidity is celebrated, revered and honored 4. hate and ignorance are bliss 5. you can be part of a klan... it's so b.c. it's cool 6. much like the military, there is ranking and order, but without the crazy 4 am wake up calls 7. unisex baldness is hot. how refreshing during the summer months 8. lots of brainstorming about new and innovative ways to execute hate 9. not having to think for yourself 10. you get to go to camp once a year for free!

1. drug addicts have much more cachet and respect than food addicts 2. you can't quit food 3. if you're a coke whore, you get real thin 4. if you're a heroin addict, you vomit every time you dose. hence, you get thin 5. a meritage of highs await 6. recovering addicts have slogans 7. alienating your family is a guilt free slam dunk 8. it's far more cool to say, I'm jonesing for an 8 ball . it's not even remotely cool to say, man, I'm gettin' the shakes. I gotta score some mac & cheese. 9. recovering addicts get cakes if they maintain sobriety for "x" amount of time 10. volatile and unpredictible mood swings that blow a writer's creative process away!

I can't sleep. I think it's stress. joni mitchell isn't helping. love her music. she's so 60s-feminist. what's not to love? before a song makes it into the katie rotation, I listen to it for three days straight. weird, huh? I am hitting new lows of frustration. a neighbor moved out. he was weird. such a transient building. why are growths on the foot called, corns? it really kills the cob for me. banks suck. I weighed myself today. that was depressing. when someone is nervous, why do they say they are on pins on needles?

my best friend is gay. in college, I was a fag hag. but, what chubby jewgirl in pink high heels with big tits wasn't?! I love a voracious pig bottom as much as the next butch or bear top. I think that brokeback mountain is an exquisite, profoundly moving, and long overdue gay love story. now... having said that... if it were any mother fucking slower, I would've fucking shot myself in the god damned fucking head. and the whole mountain-is-the-fourth-character, thing. oh-my-god. I wanted to scream, COULD YA JUST STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES with the intensity. a lil' levity, please. I swear to god it won't kill you. I couldn't make it to the end. I know the end. an hour into it, I was so done, I wanted to burst. it was an exhausting film. but, very important. that's how I feel about it.

nicole's top 5 reasons to own a cat is so funny! you have got to read it.

I woke up an hour ago sneezing and I haven't fucking cock sucking stopped! I've taken 4 antihistamines and what am I doing? sneezing. worse. not 10 minutes ago, my neighbor poked her head out the window and said, "can you please stop. I can't sleep!" can I stop? um, let's see... I'll get right on that. can I stop? I'm having so much fun sneezing in 3 second intervals and blowing my nose every 1 second, that I am praying to jesus right now to see if he can make me sneeze like this AWWL THE FUCKING TIME. I was/am so pissed, I screamed, you miserable cunt, if I could control this fucking allergy attack don't you think I would? I would love nothing more than to rip my sinuses out and shove em' down your stupid, vile throat.

1. no matter how many lies you tell dogs, they always believe you. 2. dog farts outrank yours in depth and quality of stench 3. if you're a white girl and you own a beige or black dog, you're an integrated family 4. you can say, "hey, quit bein' a prick, you cocksucker," and they don't get mad 5. if you're a straight girl, I suggest you buy a boy dog, it's one relationship you can't fuck up

blake hardin on 8:05 PM im new ot this website and i dont know if you can leave just a general comment about a person and not just one post, so i just came here. anyway, wow. fucking wow. i am totally blown away, not only do you have the EXACT same name as my girlfriend, you seem to act exaclty like her too. this is weird. but wow, you are fucking amazing so, ya gonna ask ya girl to email me? there just aren't enough katie schwartz's in the world. is she a jewgirl too? spill, child, spill! and thank you for the kind remarks... she must suck a mean cock ;0

hey, what can I say... I can't help myself. 1. can he read pussy? 2. how do you expect him to give you directions? 3. does he have blind accessories or does he have to fondle his way there? coping by way of humor. can't knock it, can ya?!

re: spawn sean :: "I get up in the morning with him and he's, like, all ready to play and stuff," Federline told Access Hollywood."

when you log onto your online bank account and you cover your eyes and hold your breath, terrified of what you're going to find.

you say to your sister: "he thinks of himself as honey and he sends out dipped honey sticks for fat desperate bees like me when he's bored."

so, we got a new fagella in the building and he just LOVES HIS mid-day fuck. you should see the chicken strutting through the halls. (I'm working from home at the minute taking care of jewboy). the grunts, groans and thuds that permeate the walls... you know, I think he's an S&M daddy. at least someone is getting cock!

why do people have such an issue with the curse word, cunt? which shouldn't even be a fucking curse word. it's so snarky-cunty-cutting. I just love it. cunt, cunt, cunt! who cares anyway?! 4 people read my blog. I'm not exactly a hit online.

re: nicole's comment on my cheese post: " NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!!You are NOT giving up CHEESE!?!?!?!?!?Who will I comiserate with now that I've lost my cheese sister-wife !??!?!?" I laughed my ass off, ahhhkay.

"As you go about your days, you may think to yourself, “I wonder what Lisa did in this situation?” or “I wonder what Lisa thinks about this?” or “How did Lisa handle this challenge?” If so, send me an email with that question. I will store them in a special place and occasionally I’ll pull out a topic that seems to be creeping up more often than others and simply offer my point-of-view. After all, I think that is what discipleship is all about - walking together on this parenting journey and learning things along the way. Can I join you on your journey?" I can't tell you how much this creeps me out... scroll awwwwl the way down if you click through. but don't forget to click the pics!

over the past few days something tragic has been happening. something I haven't wanted to face. hoping desperately it would pass. but, it's not passing. it's a persistent and unrelenting issue that keeps rearing its ugly head. poking and prodding like bush at a woman's right to choose. a love affair that I have been engaged in for several years seems to be coming to a catastrophic ending. I feel lost, unsure of how I'll forge onward without the comfort and closeness we shared. my heart aches and breaks. I keep telling myself, maybe it's not really happening . maybe it's just a nightmare. keep forging onward, katie, try to keep you two together. yet, try as I might, all of the answers seem to be pointing to a break-up. endings are devestating enough, but this one, well, this one is just riddled in angst and grief. in the hopes of trying to make sense of such a painful loss, I sat shiva today and shrouded my mirrors thinking only of the good times we shared. ...

"I'm not sure if I'm still married to my dominatrix circus performer or if I'm married to a famous poducer. I've had so many concussions this year and have been peed on by so many Bolsheviks I don't know what's going on."

"I love to kiss with my eyes open," she says, "because I can take in the entire situation and know if I'm enjoying it or not." well, isn't this a bit of insightful-savvy trivia?! at least now I know that during my previous make-out sessions, even though I was geting felt up or felt down, because I had my eyes closed, it just seemed like I was enjoying it. I guess I'll never really know ..... thank you, jessica.

patrick henry college is the most fucked up, depressing, vile and inexcusable excuse for a university ever to be created. what this college does to young and impressionable minds defeats the entire purpose of college. this agenda pushing, rhetoric spewing 'college' is a sin. ps: can't wait to see how many unwed mothers come out of this joint and you know, you just know kids are fuckin their straight-gay-std-pregnancy-pot smoking heads off. Statement of Ethical Values and Standards All Trustees, administrators, and staff of Patrick Henry College have the right, privilege, and responsibility to: Demonstrate Christian living and obedience in personal growth, in the interactions of College life, and in dedication to Christian calling and service. Seek an understanding and articulation of how the Word of God directs the search for truth; pursue excellence in the performance of their work; and show concern for those under their care and instruction. Value the contributions of a...

you have got to read cormac's latest story. it's so engaging, so well written and so damn good! cormac brown, arms aching

"If this recipe were any more 19-fucking-50's, it would have a pack of unfiltered Kent's baked into it. " rick crowely on my mayo cake post that is fuckin brilliant. I laughed so hard, I peed a little, and I'm still laughing. you have to run, not walk, run, like a dawg and read rick crowley's blog . he is so sick and so disturbingly funny. he's hilar squared.

1. the irs can't come after you for taxes 2. bush is not anywhere near, nor can he EVER come close to arriving at your heaven 3. you're eternally thin 4. you can haunt people 5. you can wear couture clothing and not have to pay for it 6. you never have to use an atm again 7. you don't have to work 8. homelessness has cachet 9. born again christian zealots are forced into slavery, or circus work 10. why not?

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fuck this cunt whore bitch for sending me notification of a fucking multi-million dollar lotto ticket that I will never surely win! CLAIM NO: 17940128111 RE: WINNING FINAL NOTIFICATION CONGRATULATIONS!!! GLOBAL SOFTWARE LOTTO INTERNATIONAL PRIZE AWARD DEPT. Sir/Madam, We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Global Software Lotto Winners International programs held on the 14th of June, 2006. Your e-mail address attached to ticket No: 17940128111 with prize No 1581015/HL drew €750,000.00 which was first in the 2nd class of the draws. You are to receive €750,000.00(Seven Hundred And Fifty Thousand Euros). Please be informed that because of mix up in cash pay-outs, we ask you to keep your winning information confidential until your fund ( €750,000.00) has been fully remitted to you by our accredited pay-point bank. This measure must be adhered to in order to avoid the loss of your cash prizes. Prize-winners of our cash prizes are advised to adhere to these instructions to foresta...

Jerry Lewis Suffers 'Mild' Heart Attack Wednesday Jun 14, 2006 8:15am EST By Stephen M. Silverman I love jerry lewis. so glad I'm not a jerry's kid... still, I thought he was one of those perpetually-dead-but-living, guys, like, john wayne, sonny bono. I had no idea jlew had a pulse. you? Probe Finds Bogus Hurricane Aid May Top $1.4 Billion FEMA Relief Funds Paid for Football Tickets, a Caribbean Vacation and a Divorce LawyerBy LARRY MARGASAK, AP WASHINGTON (June 14) - The government doled out as much as $1.4 billion in bogus assistance to victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, getting hoodwinked to pay for season football tickets, a tropical vacation and even a divorce lawyer, congressional investigators have found. "This is an assault on the American taxpayer. Prosecutors ... should be looking at prosecuting these crimes and putting the criminals who committed them in jail for a long time."-Rep. Michael McCaul, R-Texas wonder what he thinks of his posse...

thin music versus fat music some songs sound so much thinner than other songs. example: Holly Brook's song, "Still Love." this is a thin song. it makes a girl want to brood on the streets of manhattan with a hallow stomach in a belly revealing t-shirt at 6 am with a back drop of garbage trucks and cursing garbage men. whereas, miss shoulder pads and cinched at the ankles, jeans, alannah myles song, "black velvet," is a fat song. you want to stuff your gob with pots and pots of cheese, sour cream and ice cream, listening to that tune. it conjures bingey, purgey imagery. everyone has a guy there are certain things that everyone you ask in the free world has a guy for. example: you need computer work done, your carpets cleaned or that thing-a-ma-jig fixed, you ever notice how everyone seems to have a guy for that. he's always the cheapest and works the fastest. by the time you turn around 15 people later, your carpets are now hardwood floors and your in receipt...

I was going through some essays this morning and found an essay I wrote back in 2004. how scary is it that it's still so applicable two-years later. Nowhere in the first sentence, or throughout the entire Declaration of Independence does it say that all men, “barring homosexuals” are created equal - That said if anyone was hip to homos, it was Jefferson. After all, he was bending the wife of France’s foremost artist, Richard Cosway. And in the event, one pious zealot or another chooses to wail, “Our Creator defines homosexuality as a sin.” I have this to say, with all of the perks so many religions are now offering; the competition for parishioners is fierce. Is it really wise to alienate such a diverse voting population? The Constitution was written to insure the preservation of independence, equality and freedom for every American. Yet, Bush, who, by the way has single handedly motivated me to wax completely, is proposing we forego the institution this great country was founded u...

you know that lyric, "we built this city on rock and roll" :: I used to change it to, "we built this city on cock and soul." you know that song, "silent night" specifically the lyric, "round yon virgin mother and child" :: I always thought the lyric was, "brown young virgin so tender and wild." duh, schwartz. like some fuckin pedophile wrote that christmas jingle. not to rain on anyone's parade, but a nazi did write the wedding march, sp it could happen. when I think of more shameful admissions. ok, so they're on the top of my head at all times. whatever. I need to take a shower. what do we think of this slang, pussy fur? it made me fall out, yo.

I have epic menstrual cramps. I am in agonizing pain, hostage to my ovum traveling at the speed of light through my womb and exiting with great fervor through my vaginal canal. so, I read people online today to take the edge off. let's discuss. the subtext of this photo. we all see it on her face, right? "you belong to me now. period (no pun intended). look what I did for you. I own you. this blows a tatt away."

cormac brown (aka) write procrastinator , one of my favorite writers, spins such visually delicious yarns. you've got to check out his latest piece. it's sooo romantic and mysterious. run. read. now. like a dawg. he said little as they paddled their way along the sunken streets

Tenfold hike in indecency fines OK'd by Congress By Brooks BoliekWASHINGTON -- Congress gave overwhelming approval Wednesday to legislation that will make broadcasters pay exponentially more for airing racy material the FCC considers indecent. In a 379-35 vote, the U.S. House of Representatives sent the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act to President Bush for his signature. The legislation raises the maximum indecency fine the commission can levy from $32,500 to $325,000 per incident. Bush said he looked forward to signing the legislation into law."I believe that government has a responsibility to help strengthen families," he said in a statement. "This legislation will make television and radio more family-friendly by allowing the FCC to impose stiffer fines on broadcasters who air obscene or indecent programming." While the legislation faced little opposition in Congress, there were lawmakers who expressed concern that the bill goes too far." What is at ...

if I could create and dispense email addresses for political figures and celebrities, here is what they would be: george bush: manipulative-jew-fag-woman-equality-hating-prick@iamgod.com paris hilton: gash@easy.com nicole ritchie: going-for-translucent@skinnybitch.com donald rumsfeld: just-shut-up-and-put-up@livetokill.com dick cheney: dick-sucks@onefootonthepeel.com anne coulter: cunt@cunt.com britney spears: kfeds-bitch@badmother.com jessica simpson: brand-me@imawhore.com ashlee simpson: too-stupid@nosejobsareus.com michael jackson: middle-eastern-boys-are-yummy@bahrain.com denise richards: yeah-i-fucked-him@deceitfulbitch.com bill clinton: will-fuck-chubby-jew-4-bigmac@cigarplay.com jan crouch: stealing-from-the-poor-and-loving-it@purplewigwhore.com pat robertson: kikes-spics-chinx-shvats-feathers@thebibleaccordingtome.com oral roberts: dont-let-the-name-fool-you@gloryholequeen.com fcc: killing-americans-one-civil-liberty-at-a-time@fcc.com tom cruise: hubbards-bottom@cult.com mel gi...

in fact, I am now launching the spammy awards. please submit your award winning spams to: katie for best spam of 2006. although, I do believe the below spam is going to absolutely win spammy of the year!! Greetings, My name is Mrs. Fatima Sheikh, widow to late Mr. Abdullah Sheikh, former owner of Petroleum andGas Company, here in Kuwait, I am 68years old, suffering from long time cancer of the breast. From all indications my condition is really Deteriorating, and it's quite obvious that I won't live more than 2 months according to my doctors, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage, I don't want your pity, but i need your trust. My late husband died early last year from heart attack, and during the period of our marriage we couldn't produce any child, my late husband was very wealthy, and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth,The doctor has advised me that I will not live for more than 2 months, so I have now decided to spread ...

Brin says Google compromised principles By TED BRIDIS, Associated Press Writer Tue Jun 6, 10:47 PM ET WASHINGTON - Google Inc. co-founder Sergey Brin acknowledged Tuesday the dominant Internet company has compromised its principles by accommodating Chinese censorship demands. He said Google is wrestling to make the deal work before deciding whether to reverse course. Meeting with reporters near Capitol Hill, Brin said Google had agreed to the censorship demands only after Chinese authorities blocked its service in that country. Google's rivals accommodated the same demands — which Brin described as "a set of rules that we weren't comfortable with" — without international criticism, he said. "We felt that perhaps we could compromise our principles but provide ultimately more information for the Chinese and be a more effective service and perhaps make more of a difference," Brin said. Brin also addressed Internet users' expectations of privacy in an era of...

this is brilliant!!! standing ovation brilliant, ahhhkay! Huffington Post 6/1/06 Philip Slater: Wed May 31, 4:38 PM ET Thoughtful Americans have long wondered how it is that fundamentalist Christians--followers of someone who preached pacifism and tolerance--became the poster boy for hate speech, touting "moral values" indistinguishable from those of the Taliban. They wonder why, for example, fundamentalist Christians so seldom quote from the New Testament--which is supposedly what Christianity is all about--but prefer citing the Torah and Old Testament prophets. One reason is that the Old Testament is full of murder, vindictiveness, and genocide--all supposedly ordered by God. So when fundamentalists want a Biblical excuse for hate speech and hate crimes--which they seem to need with considerable frequency--they turn to Old Testament sources. Christian homophobes, for example, carry signs saying 'God hates fags', which they justify by claiming that Leviticus 18:22 (c...

Bush backs federal marriage amendment "Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society," Bush said in his Saturday radio address. "Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society." our bush... he's so brilliant, isn't he? who isn't proud of bush's politics and presidential prowess?! I mean, wow. of course it's an absolute fact that the welfare of children rests in the hands of a man and woman being married. duh! these male-female marriages are a terrific influence on society and provide children with epic stability. it's not like a hefty percentage of kids who come from heterosexual marriages have and continue to be victimized by verbal / physical abuse, alcoholism, and sexual abuse. only 40% of marriages end in divorce. plus, men and women can g...

at least I logged a few hours of sleep. I can claim that, which is a good thing. insomnia sucks so hard. I was talking to my dad the other day about louie jew and he asked me how much his surgery was. I told him that with everything, including the vet visit to find out he needed the tplo surgery was, $4,500. here is the conversation: dad: (in a snarky wise ass tone) why didn't you just put him down? katie: when you needed open heart surgery, did I say, let's just put him down? no! gaaahhhd. dad/katie: eruption of laughter ensues. I sleep with the kitchen light on every single night for two of the most neurotic reasons known to man. #1) I am terrified I will walk into the kitchen and see creepy crawly cock-sucking-roaches, which I don't even have in the first place. but, for some queer ass reason, I am convinced the light keeps them away. #2) I fear that louie needs a path to see where his water bowl is. because it's not like he's operating on thousands of years of s...

this week one of my oldest and bestest friends who I've known for 25-years, called me. the conversation went like this: l: kates, I'm bisexual. k: good for you, you ambisextrous diva. is this a new noshing interest or have you always been keen on pussy and just never told me? l: no. it's new. k: care to elaborate? l: this past year I've developed an attraction to women. last weekend when I went out with some girlfriends, this hot blonde approached me and was flirting with me. next thing you know, we're on her bed 69'ng. k: I see. was there a working up to this (phase) or did you just mainline the taco? l: I went straight for the pussy. k: hey, you know what you want and you're not afraid to go for it. I think it's great. so, are you's two dating? l: no. just fucking. I'm addicted to her. k: this surprises you, miss ocd?! the rest of the conversation would just bore you....

today, I been doin' some thinking. I'm not a proponent of thinking or reading. both squeeze me up inside my head and spin me. the cliche, knowledge is power. for some, sure, but for me, it's a curse. seeing as I can't live without either, there's no question that I am, on some level, a voracious-hedonistic-submissive-bottom. everyone's got a shortcoming. it was the clog in my sink and buying extra-strength draino that got me to thinking. I chose the buchest strength they had. I dumped the entire bottle into my sink and watched the gel sift through the water and bubble at the drain. an hour later when I returned to the sink, it was empty, so I turned on the hot water faucet and ran it hard. I watched the water effortlessly slide down the drain and erase the memory of being clogged. and, I thought, outside of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and mood stabilizers, which I don't need, it's too bad there isn't a draino to erase the tiresome issues tha...

I was thinking... I have so many queer ass nicknames for my dog. here's the list: jewcifer haglette the hellnine shaggels louie jew buglet buglet wuglet shagamuffin shagaboombas (that's one of my best friend's nickname for louie) shags hag haganini schwartzy putz prick schmuck

if I don't stop sneezing and harkin and shmarkin, I'm gonna rip the sinuses right out of my mother fuckin cock suckin head. (oh, the ironies) I called my allergist and asked him if he could do a sinusectamy. apparently you need your sinuses. whatever. do you honestly think I'd miss sneezing? I have been up since 4AM sneezing like it's the last fucking time my nose will EVER have the opportunity to sneeze. do allergies fall under the stigmata umbrella? would be nice to benefit from said sneeze fests. I've got antihistamines strapped to my body at all times and no matter how many I pop, I still can't stop sneezing. If one more god damned mud fucking hippy suggests thistle berry, I'm going to scream. I didn't know that gout was caused by eating rich foods. I collect archie comic books. mr. weatherbee's got it something awful. cormac brown has a very funny short essay about the spider protocol in his house. he doesn't whack them. read it. I wonder if...

LOS ANGELES (June 1) - Lark Voorhies, who played Lisa Turtle in TV's "Saved By the Bell," has sued The National Enquirer for libel over an article that included claims she had a drug problem. The suit, which seeks unspecified damages, was filed Tuesday in Superior Court. The suit says Voorhies, whom it describes as a "famous and popular actress," lost several "potential acting and hosting jobs" after the tabloid published a June 2005 article that said she was hospitalized for a cocaine addiction. since when is a drug problem a career killer? can you say, robert downey jr, charles bukowski, elvis presley, kate moss and... am I leaving anyone out? oh, that's right, 60% of hollywood. bad katie. if I were her, I wouldn't want to go back to waiting tables either.

dc comics is launching a lesbian bat woman . that is fan-fuckin-tastic! I've called every queen I know to congratulate them. oh to be animated.

it's no secret that I've become obsessed with christian homeschool families and zealot christians. I'm writing a super dark comedy about it. hey, at least I know it had a purpose in my life. gaahhhd?! in the meantime, during my online travels, I happened upon, hal lindsey, divine oracle, and this article about his show, the international intelligence briefing being canceled from tbn. he knew it was coming because god told him satan was about to launch a grand scale attack on his supreme high-ugliness. Apparently, halolicious was not reporting accurate news, and speaking too highly o' the heebs and spouting anti-muslim rhetoric at the speed of light. so, I decided to email him about his tbn suspends iib post: But you aren't reporting the truth, Hal, anymore than TBN is. You give food, clothing and a roof to the desperate poor international communities in exchange for a commitment to Christianity. What you practice is extortion and intolerance; a total lack of respe...