Katie Schwartz

nicole : we stopped at the car wash nicole : and i forced him to play a game of Mrs. Pac Man nicole : remember that game? katie: dude, yeah nicole : after the first two levels, they have the little scene where pac man and mrs. pac man first meet nicole : and i say, bitterly, "little does she know how much he will FUCK HER OVER later!" nicole : SO BITTER nicole : omg katie: HAHAHAHAHAHHA katie: that's so funny nicole : he looked at me like I was a nut case katie: that’s a keen observation. It’s good you’re cursing mrs. pacman out katie: because shes being a naive cow nicole : right?!?! katie: YEAH nicole : pac man is an ASS in disguise nicole : hee hee hee nicole : pac man sucks katie: totally. he’s a prick katie: a big yellow testicle

well, katie, life sucks big-fat-jew-dairy-nobody-fucking-calls-me-back-everybody-dismisses-me-I-HATE-people, ass. gee, schwartz, why not be a little more victimee. come on, I know you can muster that pussyfied feeling and magnify it times 10. whatever. it's god damned everything. I swear to god, I am the epitome of frustration and angst. in the meantime, how do you like the dame who was struck by lightening while praying on her linoleum floor? as soon as she said, amen, lightening struck. I wonder which zealot will be in contact with her. now, will she get disciple status for this? or like a formal god's chosen soldier award? brangelina had their child, shilock. I mean, shiloh.

so, haglette the hellnine is home! this pleases me to no end. of course he's miserable. I can't say that I blame the child. he has 15 staples on his left inner thigh and his leg looks like a giant turkey leg. poor kid. he's horizontal. I'm keeping him as high as a kite and hand feeding him chicken dripping in chicken juice. he's not drinking water. hey, $4,028 later, at least he's on the mend! when the billing chick said, we won't worry about the 36 cents, I raised my eyebrow like... then why mention it? you call this a financial break? thank god he's ok. that's all I care about. he's got a follow up appointment in two-weeks and his surgeon goddess assures me that in two months, he'll be back to his old self again! 95% capacity. how fabulous is that. go louie! go louie!

LINCOLN, Neb. (May 26) - A judge's decision to sentence a 5-foot-1 man to probation instead of prison for sexually assaulting a child has angered crime victim advocates who say the punishment sends the wrong message. well isn't that just fuckin grand?! so, he wouldn't survive in prison? pedophiles have never been released in the general prison population anyway. beleive it or not there is a code of ethics in lockdown. molesting and raping children hardly fit into acceptable crimes amongst the criminal set. 10-years of probation?! that is so fucked up. what's even worse is that the short people brigade is actually speaking out on behalf of this scumbag, shouting, "it's about time we were recognized." yeah, I'd want this to be my fight too! mini dumb ass bitches. WASHINGTON (May 26) - Staunch allies in a long, unpopular war, President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair acknowledged making painful mistakes in Iraq. Bush said Thursday night he wish...

I was up all night last night. the angst and ahj in anticipation of my meeting with the surgeon today and louie's being under the knife kept me stalking all fuckin night. I am so tired. my body feels sucked dry, but I can't sleep. too much angst. I'm keeping busy though. can't you tell?! I'm actually working. this would be a stress reduction break. I just realized that I'm the only woman in my building with big breasts. I wonder why that is? even chuveena down the hall is short on the rack. I got louie shaved and bathed in oatmeal yesterday so that he would be super comfortable over the next two-months while he recovers. I drink entirely too much coffee. I found a $700 dog bed. the god damned shame! as if. do I look like britney-baby-killer-spears?! I can't afford that. note to self: don't forget to buy antihistamines for the jewergies.

do we know if women get os (ovulating syndrome)?!

so... louie jew is on the slab. the guilt. it's unbearable. but, I keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing. thanks to doc , and her invaluable insight, I did a ton of research and found a fantastic surgeon who is an expert in tplo knee surgery. she's fantastic. of course if she whacks my dog she won't be, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. this rant would be a coping mechanism. just in case you were wondering.

after a day at the vet's, we learned that louie jew has destroyed, severed, ripped and completely torn his ligament. must he one up me all the time?! I had my meniscus removed. guess how much this pleasure is going to cost? ask me if those god damned orthopods will accept payments? the answer is a big fat fuck no. brace yourselves. here it comes. a quote so heinous, I tossed my cookies. $4,800. mother of god.

New Iranian law to require Jews to wear yellow band By JPOST.COM STAFF A new dress-code law reportedly passed in Iran this past week mandates the government to make sure that religious minorities - Christians, Jews and Zoroastrians - will have to adopt distinct colour schemes to make them identifiable in public, the Canadian National Post reported on Friday. Under the new law, which still awaits final approval from Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Jews will have to wear a yellow band on their exterior in public, while Christians will be required to don red ones. Internal Security Minister Avi Dichter responded to the new law Friday night, saying, "Whoever makes Jews anywhere wear the yellow star again, will find themselves in a coffin draped in black." Furthermore, according to the law, the Iranian government has envisioned that all Iranians wear "standard Islamic garments" designed to remove ethnic and class distinctions. The purpose for the law wa...

to quote the writers of, tommy boy , "if you stand close enough to me, you can actually hear me getting fatter." it's this new mother fucking cock sucking mother bitch of a medication I have to take at the minute. fuck.fuck.mother fuck.

my christian space...

yes, it's true. I am confessing. judge me if you will. first, a little back story... I am not a hypochondriac. I fear death. there is a difference, ya know. in my commitment to my fear I leave no fear stone unearthed. my confession is this, I write epitaphs when I fear losing someone I love. I have close to 40 epitaphs written. It's become an insidious compulsion, and I can't stop myself. I now think in epitaph terms. I took my sister to the airport this morning. upon dropping her off, I was in tears writing her epitaph. terrified. she was flying to dc. who wouldn't be up in arms. when my father had open heart surgery, I must've written at least 3. when my mother had kidney surgery. oh, I wrote about a dozen. shit, I take my dog to the vet, test results or not, I've got a month worth of epitaph writing material. and so it goes. this obsession and fear of death.

that technorati sounds like crotch rot?

ATLANTA - A former Georgia state school superintendent accused of embezzling $600,000 and spending it on a facelift and an unsuccessful campaign for governor pleaded guilty Wednesday and will serve eight years in prison. this broad boosted 600 g's to look like that?! Drawers = droors that misspelling merits a hand clapping standing ovation. Ashlee Simpson is laughing off rumors that she had a nose job — but she's not denying it either. Recent photos splashed across the Internet and in tabloids suggest the multiplatinum singer has made an alteration to her profile, removing the bump that made her nose distinctive. when asked whether the rumor was true, the 21-year-old singer didn't confirm or deny it, but just giggled more. "Maybe — who knows!" maybe, who knows?! someone's got a severe case of the bush's. has she learned NOTHING from dolly parton? BOGOTA, Colombia - Colombia's top court voted to legalize abortion in specific cases, easing a complete ban...

my day jobs suck the ass of an old lady. I have several bosses that I freelance for and one of them is crawling so far up my fucking ass, I should charge him rent! why? why do people have to bust your fuckin chops? isn't it enough that we drag our tired disenchanted asses to work every day?! oh, I am kvetchy. but I just did enough laundry to clothe a small country. craving of the day:: french fries. didn't have them, but I want them.

"Hitler and his henchmen knew the exact locations of the kennels in Belgium for their beautiful bouviers. In a move set to break the hearts of the Belgium people, he had the Luftwaffe bomb all the kennels. Very few bouviers in the kennels survived." no wonder louie has such bad allergies, neurosis and is a master of guilt giving. hi. jew.

yes, write procrastinator makes a good point with his title! I am avoiding the day job crap that needs to get done tonight, content revisions. so NOT in the mood.

jewergies = allergies ... which we all know are super jewey.

if I had my druthers, I would've opted out of a food addiction and into a cocaine or oxycontin addiction. they're both fat free highs that don't make you hungry. oh, well, at least I have something to aspire to in my next life. a girl's gotta see the positives!

it's bad enough she almost whacked the first kid. is he damaged goods in her eyes? is the second kid a shot at a clean slate? will the first kid be sold on ebay like chachkeys? will he be autographed? i guess if he comes complete with a rendition of, "mama, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. let em' be doctors and lawyers and such;" the new owners will be cued in that he's the real deal. oh, I don't know. it's all so nauseatingly creepy. moving the story along... I think people should pee on floors for no particular reason. I think I have a cavity. fuck. fuck. mother fuck. I need to do laundry. it's out of control. I'm actually ashamed. my neighbors moved out, but I keep hearing their bathroom sink being turned on and off. I wonder if a ghost or a hobo (nice, huh?) has taken up residence. I love gingerale. I prefer canada dry. but I'll drink schweppes.

FRANKFURT, Germany (May 9) - A man who admitted killing and eating an acquaintance he met on the Internet was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison Tuesday following his retrial in a case that engrossed and appalled Germany. clearly he missed lampshade design 101. did he bake her in the oven? cause that's like in the womb, education .

Diving coach Kirk Krack helps pull David Blaine out of the sphere where he lived underwater for one week. To promote the stunt, Blaine cut off his left ear at a press conference. if mrs. krack named her son kirk krack, does she have another son named, dick krack and a daughter named, buttah krack? who would name their child, kirk krack? he couldn't change his name? what, being the brunt of every playground joke made him stronger?! oh, please, build a bridge and get right over that, kirk krack. Blaine's previous feats included balancing on a 22-inch circular platform atop a 100-foot pole for 35 hours, being buried alive in a see-through coffin for a week and surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours, all of which were performed in New York. In 2003, he fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over the Thames River in London. this man has issues. he's a masochist not a magician. who segues from card tricks to being buried alive?

shop by brand or season ! these pope gowns are fantastic... very skirt daddy of doom. thing is, the cost. $1,500 and up to look pretty, are you kidding me?! they even have stoles for the child molesting trolls. KIDDING. catholic supply has jew wear too?! odd, no?

now, here's my question... can I spin the stories to my preference too or is the build a bible product limited to accessories only?

Pickler hadn't seen her dad, Clyde "Bo" Pickler, in more than three years. He was just released after serving time in Florida State Prison for stabbing a fellow trailer park resident in 2003 and attempting to run down police who were in pursuit of him. this reads like a sunday church sermon in the bible belt.

humiliation DAISY DUKE SHORTS mall restaurant:: how fabulous is this phrase! I would love to meet the person who actually plugged that into google. how do you arrive at such a diverse interest? russian hoochies:: russian hoochies?

yes. that's what time it is... and what am I doing? blogging. it's such a great distraction. but, it's saturday night. I think I just hit BIG FAT LOSER status. I do have good reason to be home though. I think that's denial... I am trying to finish this fourth essay. I gotta get it done tomorrow and finish editing the other three. they gotta be ready to go by monday. period. period. period. not menstrual. anywho... eh. who cahes.

strap on sherriff:: i've never written about police daddy's strapping cock or any other objects on. slutty names:: tride and true. it's a staple she's proud of. female sports writer:: fucking a hockey player HARDLY translates to writing about one. masturbate:: I think i'm touched woman chokes on steak:: katie's number one fear in life. measuring stallion cock:: did I write about that? St Cuthbert's Catholic High School cleavage:: you know, I think I'm flattered. kevin martin personal life:: someone had to write about him. david blaine:: so soon?

it is my wish that stupid people not be allowed to procreate, that it should be illegal. they should be exiled to stupid island for eternity. they are free to interact with each other and they are free to fuck. however, they will be forced to take sterility injections to assure the intelligent folk that precautions have been taken. should any dumb dame become pregnant for some dumb reason, her fetus is immediately aborted. i'm serious about this. i've given it a lot of thought. what do you say? are you with me? oh wait, now I feel so guilty! this is such a hitlereena proposition?! shame on me! thank you, nicoleo for the "+" "=" idea.

no! I'm disgusted. what kind of a mother fuckin moron encases himself in a block of ice, spends a week in a water filled bubble and holds his breathe while trying to escape from 150 pounds of chains strangling his body?! IS HE A FUCKING IDIOT? was he raised by a pack of trailer park, carny freaks? this is a man who is starved for a nipple. SOMEBODY give this man a lactating nipple to suck!

Deneuve to Attend Gay Charity Event AP - Wed May 3, 7:52 AM ET VIENNA, Austria - French film star Catherine Deneuve will attend a gay charity ball in Vienna later this month, the event's organizers said Wednesday. why is this news? Prisoner Watches Daughter on 'Idol' AP - Wed May 3, 8:17 AM ET LOS ANGELES - Watching his "American Idol" daughter from prison made the time pass faster, Clyde "Bo" Pickler says. does it get ANYMORE country music?! Young Harvard Author's Book Deal Canceled AP - Wed May 3, 5:13 AM ET NEW YORK - A Harvard University sophomore's debut novel has been permanently withdrawn by the book's publisher and her two-book deal canceled after allegations of literary borrowing piled up against her. how happy is james frey right now?! Indecency bill on faster track WASHINGTON -- Responding to pressure from fundamentalist organizations, Sen. Bill Frist, R-Tenn., is attempting to jump-start legislation that would impose a tenfold ...

you know it's true. nobody can have a systemic rule code for every aspect of their fucking life. it's TOO MUCH. I'm not being a negative nellie. dr. phil is creepy. he has a dark side, and I can't wait until it explodes onto the airwaves. he fucks chickens. he's into bondage. he bottoms for his wife. he participates in christian circle jerks. it's something. I know it! nobody is that organized and well appointed. it's not possible. somebody please out dr. phil! I can't take it anymore.

MEXICO CITY - Mexican President Vicente Fox will sign into law a measure that decriminalizes the possession of small amounts of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other drugs for personal use, his spokesman said Tuesday. "The president is going to sign this law," said Aguilar, who called the legislation "a better tool ... that allows better action and better coordination in the fight against drug dealing." as my mother said, tourism will flourish. I also wonder... how will a small amount be defined? 33-Year-Old Man Marries 104-Year-Old Woman KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (May 1) - A 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love, a news report said Tuesday. this isn't a sexual relationship, right? I can only imagine what 30-year-old cock looks like penetrating 104-year-old pussy. who wouldn't?! it's perfectly creepy!

let's get rid of the immigrants. fantastic idea! who needs gardeners, maids, manicurists, janitors, line cooks, busboys, delivery boys, section 8 housing or inner-city slumlords. I'm sure the triple slide community would be thrilled to take over those blue collar jobs that were so rightfully ripped from their calloused hands. I just have two questions, how many generations will the eradication of immigrants include? and, will all property ownership default to the NATIVE americans?