Katie Schwartz

He is the Editor-in-Chief of Astonishing Adventures Pulp Magazine , a wickedly dark artist, a brilliant writer and a great friend, and today is his birthday! Lewchie, John Donald Carlucci , I wish you the happiest birthday ever. This is your year, kid. I know it. I feel it in my bones. I wish you the world. Click over and wish him a very happy birthday, por favor. xo Jewgirl

I never ask ya's to sign petitions. Now, I'm akksin . Here's the dish and the URL: "In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc , took a dog from the street , tied him to a rope in an art gallery, and starved him to death. For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony, until eventually he died. The prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central American decided that the 'installation' was actually art, so that Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the biennial of 2008. PLEASE HELP STOP HIM http://www.petitiononline.com/ea6gk/petition.html It's free of charge, there is no need to register, and it will only take 1 minute to save the life of an innocent creature." Please, please, please sign this petition .

I e-stalked Peter Bebergal , co-author of The Faith Between us , another book I’ve been reading. It's great soul food, lots of spiritual nourishment that helped in the faith restoration department—you know, faith in oneself and the-dirty-little-secret-that-is faith in God. By the by, authors P&K take God out of the closet, introspectively, passionately, humorously and beautifully. I love it. You know the drill, run. read .now. Ya’s all know that I’m a big proud Jew, that’s true. My relationship with God has also evolved and shifted many times. One of the things I adore the most about being Jewish is the latitude (I feel) it affords me to ask questions and search for enlightenment and atonement on my clock and on my terms. I digress. After sharing with Peter how much his book has impacted me (you must read it, really. Peter and Scott Korb wrote it, Jewish and Catholic, respectively.) I was telling him about this dame I ran into while waiting for an elevator en route to a doctor...

One of our favorite bloggers is celebrating her one year anniversary ! Click over to CatolishaJewess, Frannylish's blog and wish that diva a very happy anniversary. Ga'head. Wait til' ya see that goigeous, happy shana punim, you'll plotz!

I just got the most fuck-off-fabulous postcard from our beloved Cup-of-Coffey . My crackberry's photo abilities don't do this baby justice. My apologies. The quote underneath these two adorable divas reads, "Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practise witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." --Pat Robertson, US Politician, 1992 Fab! Thank you, Bethy, you made my day, child.

I feel menstrually betrayed. My sister and her BFF began menstruating on Friday without me. No memo was sent to my womb. Here I sit in a PMS stupor going it solo. While in the car with her last night, I courted her hormones with champagne, strawberries, chocolate, salty potato chips-n-dip, anything to entice the mones to mingle with mine so wombareena would bleed. This morning... bupkas. Refresh. Sigh. In an effort to drag myself out of the thyroid closet that I've been living in for the past five plus years, here's the dish: I got fabbylish news last night from my endocrinologist about my thyroid. I'm 14 points away from having a balanced thyroid. Having been severely hyper and hypothyroid for so long, those 14 points have taken my wig off, I'm over the moon. Your thyroid regulates your mind and body. If that bitch goes awry, all bets are off-- youse are all kinds of jacked whether you're hypothyroid or hyperthyroid . Anyhoodle, in my forthcoming title (Emotiona...

One of the poems I fell madly, wildly and desperately in love with is in the pages of one of the books I'm reading at the minee, " Women of the Beat Generation ". So in love, I can't put it down. Apartment on Twin Peaks , Written by Helen Adam : I remember, when the moon shines clear How I'd whisper in my husband's ear Like a dentist saying "Open wider" "Don't you want to be a good provider?" "Don't you want to be the gracious host In a lovely home of which you're proud to boast? When my girl friends come to call We've got to have carpeting from wall to wall." After the carpeting he fought and bled Trapped in the jaws of the Davenport bed! He screamed as he vanished up the vacuum spout. In triple-sealed bags it spat him out. We chased his skull across the Twin Peaks stones. Maud's pet Chihuahuas ate the rest of his bones. Another gnawed ghost, another gone man, Another mild husband in the garbage can Served up...

By way of Guthy , I found Lauren Cerand 's very New-York-literary-fabulous blog and an interview about her , and that's how I found the paragraph in : Women of the Beat Generation , a book I'd never read, though something I have been searching for. Today, it arrived and I am devouring it. I'm 50 pages into it and can't put it down. I'm savoring every word. It's all brilliant, one of the paragraphs is without a doubt the most brilliant I've ever read: "In many ways, women of the Beat were cut from the same cloth as the men: fearless, angry, high risk, too smart, restless, highly irregular. They took chances, made mistakes, made poetry, made love, made history. Women of the Beat weren't afraid to get dirty. They were compassionate, careless, charismatic, marching to a different drummer, out of step. Muses who birthed a poetry so raw and new and full of power that it changed the world. Writers whose words weave spells, whose stories bind, whose vi...

From this article, Polygamist Women , I read the below two snippets and laughed my ass off. In fact, I do believe these could be the most hilarious things I've ever read in my life: Polygamist Women Set Their Own Style, Celebrity stylist Ted Gibson said the women's unique hairdo gives off a "homely" impression. "It says 'I don't really care very much. I really don't have time to worry about the way that I look, because I have 20 children,'" he said. "He's going from wife to wife to wife, so why should I look any better than the other ones?" The idea of a celebrity stylist being called to comment on polygamist fashion is as obscene as what's next, a reality makeover show. And we all know it's right around the corner. I predict Lips Rinna will host with Carson (from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy). Anyway, it seems to me that if anyone was called to comment on polyfashionistas, it should've been students of polygamy...

During my web travels this week (don’t you love that? It sounds so, i-jetsettery), I stopped by Guthy’s blog and saw that Robert McEvily, Editor-in-Chief of Six Sentences online, and editor of Volume 1, the 6S Anthology was out ! Oh yeah, V16S is O to the U to the T, babies, out and ours for the taking to dive into. Six Sentences is one of my favorite litalicious reads. Publishing, poetry, fiction, non-fiction and other litsmackin’ goodness, Evileen welcomes unpublished and established writer’s to take a crack at spinning a yarn in… you know the drill, Six Sentences. He’s a renaissance man, an artist , a writer , a producer and a true showman in the campiest most fabulous way. Rob is unbelievably talented, a mensch, to be sure, and one of the most approachable, fabulous editor’s out there. Please, he’s published how much of my insanity?! I was so fucking excited to see that the anthology was out, I simply had to e-stalk him assssapy with six questions about the 6S Anthology, now a...

Don't send a lame Passover eCard . Try JibJab Sendables !

" Wife Takes Divorce Drama to YouTube : In a tearful and furious YouTube video with close to 150,000 hits to date, former actress and playwright ("Bonkers") Tricia Walsh-Smith lashes out against her husband, Philip Smith, president of the Shubert Organization, the largest theater owner on Broadway. She goes through their wedding album on camera, describing family members as "bad" or "evil" or "nasty," and talks about how her husband is allegedly trying to evict her from their luxury apartment. She also makes embarrassing claims regarding their intimate life, and then calls his office on camera to repeat those claims to a stunned assistant. " The shame of it...

I admit it, Daisy from Rock of Shame is my latest OCD. You have got to watch this video from beginning to end, of Daisy attempting to talk. It's so flawless in that I'm-ashamed-to-admit-my-dirty-little-distraction-secret kind of way. You will SCREAM. Plastic surgery aged her and prior to this show, I think that might've been her claim to shame. I suck, I know.

Happy Birthday Cormac Brown ! Today, my online BFF fahevah, one of our favalish blogger's is one year older, aww. Click on over to Write Procrastinator's bloggy blog and wish that child the happiest birthday evah. Happy Birthday, toots! May this year bring you excellent health, oodles of happiness and prosperity beyond your wildest dreams. Love, Jewgirl

One of our favarella bloggers, Amy Guth is having a milestone birthday today, yo! Click on "ova" to The Mouth and wish that divine diva a very, very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY . May this year bring you happiness beyond your wildest dreams, exceptional health and everything your sweet heart desires. Wishingyou the happiest birthday ever . Love Jewgirl

Yesterday, I was heading down Sepulveda about to make a right on Santa Monica blvd. A white van was parked on the street. He didn't have a signal on and I couldn't tell if he was pulling in or out of his spot. Parking spaces are very hard to come by in Los Angeles, so it was a fair assumption. Yes? Yes. Okay, I continued forward and all of a sudden, I hear, "YOU SLOPPY CUNT WHORE" bellowing out of the driver's mouth, along with a solid middle finger. The "sloppy" made me scream, I could not stop laughing. So furious, he kept wailing SLOPPY CUUUUUUUUUUUNT. I HAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU. VICIOUS BITCH. BITCH. BITCH. I couldn't figure out how sloppy factored into the equation. My car was clean. I was clean. What was so sloppy?

Run like a dawg and watch this video of Andy Kindler at the Toy Show in NYC. It's sooo funny. Check out Andy's site, too. You've seen his stand-up, yes?

Have you donated fundage to Pilcrow? You haven't?! Oh, honeys, you have got to ChipIn there's an incentive and all. Check it out, this from Guthyroo: " For every $25 you donate via our ChipIn page between today and May1st, you will be automatically entered in a drawing for a gift certificate to Wishbone (super delicious) Cafe here in Chicago. Donate $25, we'll enter your name once, twice for $50 and so on. Not bad!" It's flawless. To read more about the incentive, check out the Pilcrow Lit Fest Bloggy . Leah from Accidentally Jewish is working with OSRUI about an upcoming retreat on May 2. Here's the dish about the retreat: " Discovery Shabbat is a one night retreat for people who are 25-40 and Jewish, curious about becoming a Jew, or interfaith couples who want to know more about Judaism.We have two great rabbis coming to lead the weekend and our regional outreach coordinator. The cost of the retreat is $75 per person and includes lodging, foo...

Oh, that Bubbsie is THE SHIT. He kicks ass hard and couldn't be more flawless if he tried. He sent me this fabbylish license plate with commentary and awwwl. I don't know if the plate is supposed to reflect the Texan pronunciation of "overflow", or what. All I know is, you must have been in my subconscious because the first thing I thought was the driver of this car is advertising her successful ovulation and/or menses: "ova" and "flo" Hilar squared or what, children?! Thank you, bubbsie :)

... has died . His politics aside, I was very sorry that he died, especially of Alzheimer's.

Ooh, have ya's heard Alicia Keys new song, "The Thing About Love"? It's gorgeeeoso. Happy Sunday everyone.

One month ago, I sent the DMV my registration renewal with a check for $216., the amount on the notice. The check cleared about two-weeks ago. However, I never received my tags. Curious, no?! Last week, I called to inquire about my tags. I was hung up on twice. The Third person I spoke to had no idea who I was because she couldn't get the spelling of my name right. After 30-minutes of "kratie hortz, cattie scortz, radie shorts, katie schwats, hatie mortz, katie scorts and matie wartz" , I was beyond done, I hung up on her (sorry). Friday, still tag-free, I had no choice but to call. Fortunately, I got a really nice man on the phone. He was so helpful, I appreciated that a lot. DMV Man: Name? Katie: Katie Schwartz (He got the spelling right on the first try. Sweet.) DMV Man: You recently sent in your car registration. Katie: Yes, I did and the check cleared. DMV Man: I see that. We did cash the check. (Not only were we communicating, we were on the same page, so far so ...

If Tom Waits had been born a woman, he would be The Pierces . Check out this song, The Secret. These broads are deliciously dark. I am wildly in love. Listen-Watch-Now.

Tomorrow night (Thursday, April 3rd @ 7:30 PM) if you are in Chicago, do not forget to treat yourself to a literary feast, Guthy's Fixx Reading Series with Shanna Compton, Jennifer Knox and Danielle Pafunda. Hit The Mouth for details. Run like a dawg, bubbies. Also, have ya's been checking in on the Pilcrow Lit Fest blog ? There are some fantabulous interviews and the latest dish about the Crow of Pil. Hit it, yo.

While my sister and I were doing our laundj here, we noticed the dry cleaners sign. I am dying to know what color whtite is and most curious about the fabrics fancy and extra . When I walked in to inquire, the owner was out running an errand. The broad behind the counter said she doesn't answer customer questions and made it VERY CLEAR that she was just keeping an eye out for him until he returned. He never did return.... Hmm.