Saturday, April 05, 2008

I see... Uh-ha, Okay

One month ago, I sent the DMV my registration renewal with a check for $216., the amount on the notice. The check cleared about two-weeks ago. However, I never received my tags. Curious, no?! Last week, I called to inquire about my tags. I was hung up on twice. The Third person I spoke to had no idea who I was because she couldn't get the spelling of my name right. After 30-minutes of "kratie hortz, cattie scortz, radie shorts, katie schwats, hatie mortz, katie scorts and matie wartz", I was beyond done, I hung up on her (sorry).

Friday, still tag-free, I had no choice but to call. Fortunately, I got a really nice man on the phone. He was so helpful, I appreciated that a lot.

DMV Man: Name?
Katie: Katie Schwartz

(He got the spelling right on the first try. Sweet.)

DMV Man: You recently sent in your car registration.
Katie: Yes, I did and the check cleared.
DMV Man: I see that. We did cash the check.

(Not only were we communicating, we were on the same page, so far so good.)

Katie: Why haven't you sent me my tags?
DMV Man: Because you paid too much. The registration fee was only $86.
Katie: I see, but the renewal notice said the amount was for $216.
DMV Man: Yeah, that was a typo.
Katie: Okay, so why didn't you send me a check for the difference and my tags?
DMV Man: We didn't know what to do, so we did nothing.
Katie: (Laughing) You're kidding, rrrright?

(Schmuck, wake up, they did nothing. He was right.)

DMV Man: No. I'm not.
Katie: I see. We need a plan of action so that I can get my tags asssap.
DMV Man: And the refund?
Katie: Well, I'd love the refund, but right now, I really, really, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally need those tags.
DMV Man: I can process the refund and expedite your tags right now, so you receive them in 5-days, will that work?

(I was so fuckin' irritated because there was no logic behind the DMV's decision to do nothing that I wanted to shoot myself in the head. But, he was so nice and he was trying so hard. Plus, he was being very honest.)

Katie: That would be great. Let's do that.
DMV Man: Okay, will do. Bye.
Katie: WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. Don't hang up, not yet. Let's process the refund together and make sure that my tags are coming. Can we do that, please? Pretty please?

(I'm pretty sure at this point he thought I was just a lonely freak of nature. I was fine with that assumption, I would've douched the man and sucked his cock simultaneously for those tagarooneys.)

DMV Man: Okay, processed.
Katie: Great! When will they come?
DMV Man: 5 business days.
Katie: So, I should have them by next Friday? Should I follow up on Wednesday to make sure they went out?
DMV Man: No need to.

(Yeah, right.)

Katie: Thanks so much, you've been a gem! Have a good weekend.


Joe said...

OK, not counting the initial fcukup of them just doing nothing, that's the most pleasant, productive encounter with a DMV bureaucracy I've ever heard of. Glad the problem got solved.

You know, the easiest and first response of any bureaucrat is "no"

Anonymous said...

"We didn't know what to do, so we did nothing."

Is that wisdom? Is that pathetic? And yet through the surreal fog, this guy was actually able to help you. (Assuming the tags come.)

Eebie said...

Problems with administration, government workers, ooooh, I know your pain.

Al Sensu said...

Congrats on finding a human there. Remember when you get your stickers to cross-hatch them with a razor after you've applied them so they can't be successfully lifted. A lesson I learned recently after getting a ticket because I didn't know my tag had been scraped.

Anonymous said...

"..radie shorts.."

This is your porn name isn't it?

Unknown said...

So we are assuming you got your tags and you didn't have to suck cock for it, right?

Writeprocrastinator said...

You did well, Doll and you were unusually patient. Me? My head would've exploded like in Chronenberg's "Scanners."

BTW, I don't remember if you dealt with the DMV on Fell Street or not, but they put Filipinos on the phone that are equally indecipherable in both English and Tagalog. Yes that's right, bilingual vexing, courtesy of the State of Cal-i-fork-you.

Fran said...

So I lived in LA from June 1998 (when I bought the car I still drive; I am so not a car person) until September 2000.

It is a long story but I still have my Cali tags and still renew them. I just got my renewal actually so I better check the amount!

Someday I will tell the story, but I will say this now... The NY DMV is so fuckety fucked up beyond all fuckery that the Cali DMV is like an all expense paid trip to an all vibrator/sex toy theme park.

Yes. You read that right.

BTW, love the ad in the post. Festina Lente - which is part of my url means make haste slowly in Latin; it is a most restful way to hurry indeed!!

Madam Z said...

Great story, Katie! I can't wait until Friday, to see if you get the tags. I have almost no hope of you getting the refund, though.

P.S. I just LOVE Franiam's comment, "The NY DMV is so fuckety fucked up beyond all fuckery that the Cali DMV is like an all expense paid trip to an all vibrator/sex toy theme park."

You two have made the only-mildly-fucked-up Pennsylvania DMV sound like Genius Inc.

Cup said...

Can you register and pay online? Georgia offers that. My local tag office even has an ATM-type machine where you can walk up ... type in your basic info ... swipe your credit card ... grab your tag ... and get back in the car in five minutes. Not everything is slow down south.

Dale said...

We have the ATM type thing Beth mentioned too. We also have matie wartz and they're painful!


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