today on coffee talk with blaire...

I've been desperate for Jesus since I was a little girl. The pastor laid his hands on me and prayed for me to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I immediately began to praise the Lord like I never had before. I was so excited. I felt so full of Jesus!

she's so insightful that blaire, isn't she?!

I think she's recounting her first sexual experience. sounds very full-body-orgasm.

I thought everybody was Baptist. My friends and relatives soon informed me that I had probably been inducted into a cult.

oh blaire, even us dirty jews? you thought we were baptist, too?

I hope I'm not boring you. If not, join me next time when I tell you about the church I attended after high school. I can't wait.

oh, I simply can't wait. my vulva lips are twitching like crickets in anticipation of more bible yarns from blaire.

one more thing, someone should really tell blaire that reenrolled isn't a word. I know it's super cunty of me to point that out after such a profound and moving journal entry. I so hate to ruin the moment, but I feel like it's something she really needs to know.

I'm also tagging blaire for a meme.

  1. did you lose your virginity to jesus?
  2. how old were you?
  3. was your hymen already broken from horseback riding (wink-wink)?
  4. did you bleed all over jesus' cock?
  5. did you cum?
  6. if you had an opportunity to alienate more countries on a global scale, which countries would they be?
  7. when someone isn't listening to you beating the word of god into them, what guilt methods do you use?
  8. how come you've never put together a hellhouse? it's super up your alley and could really help you terrify people, especially kids, right into jesus' arms. I really think you should consider it. just to be clear, not hollywood hellhouse. the real baptist hellhouse. I was in hollywood hellhouse and I can tell you it was a very hedonistic event.
  9. how come you married a fagellah?
  10. you wear the kitchiest printed theme outfits. I was wondering if you shop at the quacker factory on qvc.

well, I gotta go. I sure do hope you hit my blog and post a meme next week. we'd all love to know so much more about you, blaire. you're kind of mysterious and shy.

Comments

Katie Schwartz said…
manscaping? HILAR!
3:18 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
Not "Gee-sus," but "Hey-suess," Katie. Jesus, the cabana boy. You know, the one that Lisa's mom had? Even though they didn't have a pool or a cabana? Yeah, that one.
5:44 PM
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