Monday, October 29, 2007

Christian Cuddle Parties

Sing it with me, oh Bubbsie, I love you so-oh. Oh, bubbsie, wubbsie, thank you so-oh for the big christian show-oh.

Bubbsie sent me a link to Christian Cuddle Parties and this fabulous article about fondling without fucking.

There is so much dish here I can't stand it. Christly cadets desperate to save their blessed virginity, guess what, there's a fondle fest in any city USA so you can get your touch and make-out swirl on. For the price of $30 and a new pair of flannel PJ's, you can participate in a hugging orgy or in a puppy pile. Check out the video.

Andre Traversa wrote an article for the no-fuck-zone called Confessions of a Christian Cuddler. One of the things he drones on about is something he read in Sin Fest Rolling Stone, about this rock group that wears masterbands. Each member wears their lil badge of honor UNTIL the member has jerked his member. His shame is the instant removal of said jizband.

Masturbating and fucking are very healthy. You don't want to test the merchandise before you buy it, that's ya business. At least touch yourself so you know what you like. Slam that hand up your flange. Grip that shaft with a fury (white stuff comes out. It's really cool).

Please, please, please go and check out Christian Cuddle Parties riiiiight now. Capisce?!


EditorJDC said...

I stopped watching at the back rub train. Am I the only one that thinks Reid NEEDS these cuddle parties he created?

Here is where Christian cuddle parties and masterbands lead.


Writeprocrastinator said...

Wha? I thought it was called "junior high school."

Bubs said...

How did I miss that video?!? All I could think was, I wonder if that room smells like feet, like a Chuck E Cheese? And I loved the way they dodged around addressing the boner issue.

It's funny, this video, and WP's comment above, reminded me of an incident from years ago. I used to work for a news agency that would report poll results on election night. This was in the early 1980's.

I got paid a decent chunk of change to work a phone bank and relay numbers to a guy sitting at a desk. I think it was sponsored by some news agency/wire service, and it was set up in the basement of the Medinah Temple in Chicago. A lot of the workers were from Moody Bible Institute. They were BIG on giving "backrubs", like, they were constantly touching each other, and anyone else who'd say he/she needed a backrub. I got my shoulders rubbed 3 or 4 times by fairly good-looking bible girls, and left totally horned up, with $75 in my pocket.

Fredrick Schwartz said...


First off I've missed you and your luscious lips and i apologize for being coopted by matters far less serious than we have here. you may spank me later.

I have not followed the links please tell me that is is some weird assed fundie All hallow's joke and these sexually stunted sheep are not all doing the tripod out of these "sessions".

I was going to write about oil prices tommorrow? Fuck that! You have given me my lede.

jewgirl said...

lewchers, I think reid is a big queen and I think he's desperate to come out. I wish he would. god love him

jewgirl said...

wp, that is so fuckin hilar.

jewgirl said...

bubbsie that is so funny! imagine the shtunk of the feet. ewww. so gross.

I am howling from the phone bank. you figgered, right?

jewgirl said...

schwartzy, I'm heading over to hell now to read your post! I'm sure it's scathingly brilliant.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Dios mio, JG:

Having had both orchitis and protatitis I don't think I can go and read that thing. The prospect of arousal without a soup made from the shadow of a possibility of climax is terrifying in a hypchondriacal Jewish way. Quite literally, a kick in the nuts.

I'll stand by what I've said. Americans are fucking insane. They should be insanely fucking but no. Instead, they do all this killing and messing everyone's lives up in a profound way. I guess I'll print this out and show it to my Muslim and Gentile friends who can read English.

I'm not brave enough. Just using euphemisms is causing aching. Oy.


KELSO'S NUTS said...

Oh, JG and Ever'body:

Some years ago I heard from a solid B/B+ source (former officer in College Republicans) that Reed is not gay. His thing is shit ("H", not feces) and yeyo and really young girls.

Dude did not tell me, however, whether he was poppin' lightbulbs a la Portnoy o guardando la leche pa' su dios o sea. No se.


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