Monday, September 15, 2008

Sometimes I Want to Call Cindy McCain A Cunt Too

One has to wonder what McCain will call his new Vice-President choice Sarah Palin when he inevitably loses his cool with her? Surely it couldn’t be “shithead”, “asshole”, or “fucking jerk” like he has referred to his fellow congressmen. He respects and works with these men every day. They work together to shape our lives and the future of America. There is an unimagined level of camaraderie and respect between these political gentlemen and women.

No, this is just the kind of behavior real men show. Real men often call each other names that are the complete opposite of what they think. Real men jokingly refer to their friends as “fags”, “queer”, and “dickface” all the time.

This man was a POW - as he takes every opportunity to remind us. Real men make hard decisions every day. For example, McCain realized he was deeply in love with Cindy Lou Hensley and made the difficult choice to end his marriage of fourteen years. It takes a strong man to realize when something is wrong and to make it right by marrying his mistress one month after his divorce.

Heck, everyone loves this little war-victim – even the honest and unbiased press. He brings donuts to those little fuckers (see, I used a real man teasing term of endearment there). He reminds us often of the ideals of America and the moral fiber that runs deep in our souls, but people forget that he is also a man of deep humor. He just doesn’t take himself too seriously and that ease translates well into his loving relationship with his wife Cindy. Take this playful scene from the early 1992 Senate bid.

“At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days.”

Cunt indeed! It’s this very sweet and good-natured playfulness that takes away the pressures of the world when you are partners in life. How silly and juvenile for any of the naysayers who scoff that McCain married Cindy for her money, all the beer he can drink, and a sweet GILF.

Consider this when McCain says things about Obama like "I admire and respect Senator Obama. For a young man with very little experience, he's done very well. For his very, very great lack of experience and knowledge of the issues, he's been very successful." I’m certain he shows the same respect for Miss Palin with her Alaskan governor experience of two years and now a heartbeat away from the most powerful position in the world. Cindy may be the cunt of his life, but I know that “Pussy” Palin can’t be far behind.

More about Author (JDC) John Donald Carlucci

The last in a long line of Carluccis curse by a gypsy hooker during WWII to love hot dogs while being revolted at the same time because hes eating puree eyes, snouts, butt holes, and tails.

The publisher of Astonishing Adventures Magazine and the frequent washer of windshields under local underpasses, JDC hopes that some new president will remove the Constitution from Cheney's bathroom and puts it back where it belongs.

JDC draws too and sculpts weird stuff out of baby parts (not real ones - really)..

You know what to do, beautiful babies. Vote, vote, vote. Leave your vote for JDC's esssay in comments. Voting will last for one week! JDC, thank you for this magnificent and hilarious yarn about Cindy McCunt


Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Simply brilliant.

I'm afraid to ask: What do I do with my vote?


Anonymous said...

This was a very sweet post, comsidering it was fulla cunts n' such.

Katie Schwartz said...

TELP, you just did vote! You cast your vote in comments. Thank you so much for your vote. I will let Lewchers know.

I loved this essay so much, too.

Katie Schwartz said...

I am casting my vote for Lewchie's essay, too!

Katie Schwartz said...

ZipGirl... Oh, how I missed you. I knew you'd love the subject matter, dearie.

Anonymous said...

No one else has the right to call my wife a cunt except me, you pink punk!

When I'm elected president you're going to Guantanamo.

Fran said...

Can I vote for everyone? I have so far, and now I want to vote for Lewchie too...


Sator Arepo said...

First time visitor. Great post.

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DivaJood said...

I am so glad JDC explained that lingo for me. I'm just a Diva, so I don't understand that manly man talk. And gosh, was John McCain really a P.O.W.? Wow. That makes him a really manly man, doesn't it? Besides, he thinks the economy is just swell.

Katie Schwartz said...

Oh, thanks, Mr. McCunt. I was just looking for a vacation spot.

Katie Schwartz said...

Right, Franniegirl! Loved this essay.

Katie Schwartz said...

Sator, Thanks for stopping by. I will take your compliment as a vote for the author of this essay, writer JDC.

Katie Schwartz said...

Thanks for stopping by, John Sullivan, and for the invite.

Unknown said...

"I'm afraid to ask: What do I do with my vote?"

You immediately enter it into the voting machine and watch it magically transform into a republican vote via the unhackable electronic voting machine (unless you are black and you are turned away from voting centers).

I'm still waiting on my 2004 absentee ballot - I hope my guy wins (fingers and toes crossed)!!!!!


Unknown said...


There are many things women just don't understand about men. You women thing we're so simple, but that is far from the truth. See, there are three things we truly love.
1. Bacon
2. Our friends getting kicked in the plums (that is a lie - it can be any guy as long as it isn't us. That shit isn't funny when we get hit in the nads).
3. Monkeys.
3-A. Monkeys in pants. Holy cray we love monkeys in pants. There was a guy in LA who had the original cheeta as a rescued animal. He dressed him up, threw birthday parties, and just hung out with his pal. Okay, so Cheeta mauled him a few years back and bit off the guy's junk - Cheeta in a suit was still fuckin the gold standard of awesome. He also lost an eye in that fight, but Cheeta in pants babee.


Unknown said...

I need more votes here. Where is Diebold when you need them?


Cormac Brown said...

I do like the other one I voted for just slightly better, but friend loyalty demands that I vote for the JDC.

Anonymous said...

They're both hot bitches, mang. I'd totally give Sarah Palin duh oosik, mang.


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