Monday, January 07, 2008

Coco's Vagina Declared State of Emergency

Coco's vagina has consumed FEMA. Southern States pummeled by floods and avalanches are unable to provide assistance to residents. It's mayhem and madness. Residents were hoping that FEMA would get a reprieve from Coco's vagina. However, it's rumored that FEMA is trapped behind the Red Cross, Bush's dignity, and hundreds of North Korean nuclear missiles.

Governor Jim Gibbons-R of Nevada said, "This is no time for one of those liberal vaginapaloozas. Our citizens are in dire need of assistance. They're literally drowning. Six hours ago, we sent dozens of choppers and marines into Coco's vagina, hoping to liberate FEMA. We lost contact about an hour ago. But, we haven't given up. We're staying the course."

In a news conference that aired on ABC this morning, Bill Ritter-D of Colorado said, "Coco's vagina has already claimed too many countries, cities and lives. We will no longer be a hostage to Coco's vagina."

He believes Roswell and the movie Close Encounters weren't just works of creativity. Rather, he thinks the writers behind those stories narrowly escaped Coco's massive vagina, and based their stories on that very experience.

This is Katie Schwartz reporting to you live from the safety of her apartment. Wishing FEMA and all of those trapped inside Coco's vagina, Godspeed and a safe return.

Images courtesy of the great TeenyWeeny (thanks, baby).


Tanya Espanya said...

Katie, this is devastating! What can I do to help?


Anonymous said...

I laughed, I cried, I wondered if there would be any way to extract those pink capris from that gash.

bizQuirk said...


I'm hoping you can help us. I was responsible for dispatching a wire line signaling and communications crew to install train signaling equipment in Coco's cave. We have not heard from the foreman, the crew, or the union boys.

If you have any contacts in the work area, would you let the union reps know that management will NOT STAND for this insubordination.

Hiding in a vagina is tantamount to a strike action, and is against FREU (federal railway employee union) rules.

Thanks, kate.

Writeprocrastinator said...


Fuckin' hilar!

EditorJDC said...

I saw these pics and I didn't tell you about them. I didn't want to encourage your toe obsession. We need an intervention!

I should have known that your toe-sense would have drawn you to Coco again.


Bacon Lady said...

Yer killin' me with this!

P.S. Her (b)ush has no dignity.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Camel toe hell, that gal has camel feet!

Cup said...

My cooch feels rubbed raw just looking at that c-toe.

Mountjoy said...

That's no vagina - that's a goddam black hole opening up. Earth is about to be sucked into the vortex! We're all gojng to die! We're all going to die!

Fran said...

It is so... puffy.

That shit has got to fucking hurt, I am sorry

Of course her back probably hurts so much from carrying those mega-tits she doesn't notice.

Amy Guth said...

Maybe Coco could pick up where Kim Alexis left off on those vag cream ads. (Holy shit, that was a long time ago.)

I kegel'd a little bit, involuntarily, when I saw those pics. Just ew.


design by