Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Drive by Shooting at Schwartzys

Where was Bubbsie today?! Evidently, I'm a bullettard, so today when I heard six loud booms, I was surprised. I said to myself, "No, those weren't bullets. No way. It's 3:04 in the afternoon." Pause. Check body for holes. "Were those bullets? Should I call the police? What would I say to 911, I think I heard bullets, but I'm too much of a fucktard to know for sure and I'd hate to put you out."

Not two minutes later, three motorcops rolled on through and were aksin' all kinds a Q's. Within 10 minutes, the street was blocked off and the streets were swarming with detectives, CSIs, uniforms, the whole she-bang.

Here's the scoop.... Two guys in a mercedes wearing ski masks drove by and shot two machine guns into the air. They were aiming for the building next to mine and the building across the street.

Okay, whatever happened to drive-by etiquette? Don't these things happen before dawn or late at night? The schmuck who planned this attack surpasses fucktard. News... One of them took his ski mask off and threw it out the window, leaving it for evidence. DUH. Here's a thought, how about attending a drive-by shooting school. Obviously gang bangers aren't planning things the way the should be. Focus, people! If you're going to do a drive-by shooting don't spray your business all over my building. What message does that send, huh? Exactly!


Anonymous said...

Well, they were Yankees and all.

Fran said...

Drive by! Holy crap sister and you live in a decent part of the hood.

I am glad you are ok, but really WTF?

Joe said...

Holy shit sister! You ok? That's a frightening experience. And don't feel bad, the vast majority of people don't recognize gunshots for what they are, except in hindsight.

You know, I remember a friend of mine, after moving to LA in the 80's at the height of the Crips/Bloods fighting, said of his first drive by that he witnessed:

"I don't know, it just seemed so...tacky."

EditorJDC said...

That was because you keep talking about Coco's vage KK.


Anonymous said...

Kids these days can't even do a drive-by right.

Hope you're okay, Sugar.

Anonymous said...

I know you're asleep, but could you get up and adjust your WebCam to the right a few degrees? All I can see is a laundry hamper (filled with crotchless 'Hello Kitty' knickers) a bullet-proof vest and an old Taco Bell burrito wrapper.

Anonymous said...

That was fast!

Be safe Katertot!

Writeprocrastinator said...

They were after that guy that is always violating your toilet...he did it one too many times, at one of the house of one of the shooters.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Only someone as nice as you would offer tips to gangbangers on drive bys. You are the Miss Manners for a new generation.

Mother Jones RN said...

Scary! I'm glad you're OK.


Cup said...

Dumb arses. Glad you aren't all holey right now.

Dale said...

I'm laughing at Beth's comment because I was going to say something about being holier than thou. Glad you're ready to teach them how to do it right.

Coaster Punchman said...

LUCKY! I lived in LA for 5 1/2 years and never ONCE witnessed a drive-by! And I was even there during Rodney King!


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