Saturday, January 12, 2008

Seven Things you Don't Know About Me

Bethy, our favorite blogger, the dame who color coordinates her reading glasses with her outfits (I fuckin' love that so hard), tagged me for the seven things you don't know about me, meemish. Have you read her seven? FANTASTIC. Please read it. You'll love it. Run. Read. Now. In honor of Bethy, I'm doing this while listening to "Midnight Train to Georgia".

This is a stretch because there are so many things you know about me and will know about me this spring WHEN you read my book. Hey, a girl has to stay positive! Jumping to conclusions is also my favorite past time and sport of choice. So, ya know...

1. While it's true that I am queen of the cocksuckers, I have a wicked gag reflex. Not when noshing on cocsicles. No, mine is attributed to scent and food (look/texture/scent). If someone is bathed in cheap perfume, I will start gagging and potentially vomit. Overwhelmingly aromatic Thai foods, anything with eyeballs, fish, and peanut sauce (makes my teeth itch), will send me into the bathroom.

2. I never masturbate on Wednesdays. I'll fuck on a Wednesday and cum, but I will never touch myself on a Wednesday. On Tuesday's there's a masturbation window (7AM-10AM only). I have no idea why.

3. I am most comfortable writing about my most intimate thoughts and feelings, even though it's really fucking hard. I love the challenge it presents. However, when it comes to discussing my intimate thoughts and feelings with a lover or a friend, sometimes it's too difficult (working on it), so I'll break out third person Katie, to get my point across.

4. I love being alone. My independence means everything to me. I do not believe these things have to be sacrificed in order to be in a successful and happy relationship. There's a huge difference between compromise and sacrifice. The grand misconception is that there isn't.

5. I love, love, love really loud, overly dramatic farts. The shtunk I can live without, but I love the sound.

6. I have wicked, and I mean wicked stage fright. I vomit and panic every time I have to get on a stage and speak in front of people. I force myself to do it and when I'm up there it's great. I go into a completely different place. I don't remember what happened when I was up there, but I have never regretted a single performance or reading. The before part gives me shpilkas like you don't know and I have performed in front of 10,000 people. Is that a riot?

7. I am as shy and withdrawn as I am loud and outspoken. I can be a wallflower and go completely unnoticed or be the center of attention. I am as confrontational as much as I fear confrontation. I'm as aggressive and pushy as much as I willingly stand back, to listen and learn. I am as impetuous and impatient as I am patient and process oriented.

I am tagging anyone who wants to do this. It's kind of an interesting thing to do. I've done it before. Each time I do it, I share a little bit more. I encourage yas all to do it. Please!


bizQuirk said...

I really had to scramble to find an on-line version of the soundtrack to, In the Heat of the Night", so I could just write two thoughts.

1- There are machines that can make the fart sound for you, some even have a remote control.

2- Inderal is a beta blocker that some doctors prescribe for intense, debilitating stage fright.

The world is created in Katie's mind! (Twilight zone theme)....)

EditorJDC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EditorJDC said...

I. I hope to keep true to my chastity ring. Would that mean that I would lose my virginity at a chastity ball?
2. I hope one day to realize my dream that trekkers and trekkies would come together in love and understanding… and kick the assess of Lucasians!
3. I pray that Chris Matthews will one day get a brain and a heart from the wizard.
4. My man-crush is on Keith Olbermann AND Jason Statham.
5. I secretly want to be George W’s sub – WAIT, I already am!
6. I don’t like puppies. I see how they look at you when they think no one is looking. There’s hate in those eyes and planning (oh, there is planning).
7. I dream in color, but not HDTV. That means my head needs upgraded by 2009. DAMN FCC!!!!!

8. I thought Paul Anderson had been peeking into my fantasy closet when a fighting army of naked Milla Jovoviches appeared at the end of Resident Evil: Extinction.


Fran said...

KATELEH!!! You know sister, you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me wonder how the fuck I functioned in the blogworld (or any world!) before I knew you.

We have more than a few things in common, although I love peanut sauce. That said - we are one.

My masturbation schedule does not seem to have such boundaries however!

You know, I just got married in April when I was still a shaina maidl of 49. Now as a Sadie at 50 I can tell you that I loved and valued my many long years of independence and freedom. I lived alone, I traveled alone - I had so many great friends, but I had a big solo thing.

Now Mark and I have a joke - the good news for our marriage is that we are both independent... the bad news is that we are both independent! Sometimes we continue to act as if no one else is involved! But we are working on the balance.

Stage fright- 10,000 people? OY. My biggest crowd has been about 2000 and that was enough.

Like you I am equal parts introvert and extrovert.

And despite this spew no I am not doing this meme.

I actually came to the blog so I cold belatedly do the other meme!!!

When exactly does that fucking book get published? I want to be reading one of the first copies!

Joe said...

Wow. You have got big balls sister.

I could never reveal my masturbation schedule on the interwebs.

We have got to hang out. What do you drink? If you stop by the tiki bar we'll make sure we don't cook up anything gag-inducing for you!

Al Sensu said...

This means I'll have to wank 2x on Wednesdays to keep the Universe in order.

No problem.

Romius T. said...

im totally with u on numer 7, i am so 7 tooo

Dale said...

I love you AND I'm in love with you.

Tanya Espanya said...

My perfume is Nam pla. This might be a problem when we meet. But farties are awesome!

Mountjoy said...

How do you manage when you travel, sister? I mean is the whole "No-wank Wednesday" based on local time? If I rang you up, and it was Tuesday night, so you were knocking the top of one really hard to tide you over WFW, would you loose your mojo if I told you it was lunchtime Wednesday?

Maybe you need to extend your curfew either side of Wednesday - give the Boy In The Canoe a chance to cool down a touch...

Mountjoy said...

WFW?????? WTF?

Of course I meant NWW

Anonymous said...

Re: Number 4

The highest form of love is to be the protector of another person's solitude.
For people to love each other without having to partake in them, to possess them, to allow them to be their own inside their solitude, to protect that.
It is important to respect other people's aloneness.

What would happen if you were to cross the International Date Line, to a Wednesday mid pearl polishing?

Cup said...

I love you even more, doll. And it's interesting how many of your seven we share!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I never masturbate on Wednesdays."

That's because it's hump day, silly.

"There's a huge difference between compromise and sacrifice."

You just don't get the Borg-aspect of marriage, do you (in case The Missus reads this, I was just kidding)?

That was a nice meme and a little touching.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You feckin' slay me.

Creepy said...

As long as you love to suck cock you rock with me, Jewstress. But that's not true -- you are generally too cool for school. But the cock worship pushes you over the edge.


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