Katie Schwartz

been thinkin' see, bout' a new blog name and address. help me decide. stay with katie schwartz or go for one of these (available, so don't even think about boosting) camp names: jewtawkintame : jew tawkin ta me jewdish : jew dish yojew : yo jew supjewgirl : sup jew girl superjewgirl : super jew girl heeblette : heeblette allthingsjewish : all things jewish gotjew : got jew

welcome to, friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays. 1. I am terrified of becoming incontinent and anally incontinent. my grandmother, mary's uterus got bored one day and decided to trip the light fantastic by making a grand entrance into the world on my watch. was it traumatizing? you have to ask?! one of the signs that you and your womb are about to have a sans consent "meet and greet" is incontinence. I over kegel myself into an inappropriate frenzy. still, I panic about it. though I've never had a face to colon, I worry about it for obvious reasons, and being forced into a colostomy handbag. it's just an accessory I'm not super keen on. ok, more like terrified of. 2. swollen eyelids I worry that my eyelids will be swollen forever and that they will never go down. I'm told another year or two, but it's already been a year and a half. though they aren't as swollen as they were, they're still swollen. I hate...

the enormously talented and wonderful amy guth , author of three fallen women has invited 36 jewish bloggers to participate in a most festive chanukah blog tour . she sent her heebs a list of 8 questions representing the 8 nights of chanukah. so much fun! thanks for thinking of me, amers. you're a honey squared. happy hanukah or chanukah! Breathe. a quick intro yarn and the games begin because if I’m going to pay homage to Hanukah, I’m going to do it right. Capisce?! Hanukah is my grandmother Helen Schwartz’s holiday. She was the greatest love of my life. She taught me how to make her great-great grandmother’s latkes. she always said that when you make latkes if you don’t bleed a little, they aren't made with love. between the peeling and the grating, please, latkes scream love! Walking into her house during Hanukah was coming home. The smell of frying latkes, sour cream, fresh apple sauce, wax burning from the celebration of lights and loud voices, each outranking the other. ...

run, don't walk: church sign generator . emailing lisa welchel right now.

I never get sick. seriously. never. ok. maybe once a year. maybe. but that's it. what I just had. holy shit. I have hit my lifetime sick quota. two weeks ago I got a head cold. fever. took a z-pack and rested. I was feeling much better until tuesday , a day after menses began. welllll... I just got my ass and stomach kicked by a flu that bent me over and left me for dead until today. I have never felt so sick in my life. I have never begged to be removed from my body until I got this flu. I never EVER want to go through this again. it was life changing. how strange is that? who knew a flu had such power. maybe it's just post flu blues. who knows. I had a fever of 102-103. every orifice felt gang banged by 10 gnomes, 12 elves, 3 sleighs and 50 trolls. after 4 failed soposotires, I called my doctor on wednesday night BEGGING HER for an anti-nausea drug. with insurance 175 = 9 pills. thank god for insurance because without it, it would've cost 700 for 9 pills. amazing. scary,...

my menses has begun. I am experiencing hostage worthy cramps and have a heating pad strapped to my lower back. I'm taking pain medeys. I'm nauseas. headachey. I'm retaining enough water to cure a fucking drought. and, I feel as ugly as fat sally . with all of that, I remain grateful that I am menstruating. every month I receive this bill is a month I celebrate. riback , are you thrilled for me?

the contents of my desk... lewch asked and who am I to deny?! I've tagged him o' plenty. I am tagging a plenty, too. it's a good meem because I'm a nosy bitch. I'll do the home desk versus the work desk because it's far more interesting. my work desk, you know, at my job, well that's just dull squared. let me just say, I don't have a proper desk. I have a giant table in my kitchen. I can't have a proper desk. it gives me agida. I can't write on something so proper. it makes me uncomfortable. I have to be able to lay on my table. sit on my table. sit on a chair in front of my table. see my couch. I can't feel stuck or trapped. I'm a freak. deal. 1950s better homes and gardens cookbook . I can't tell you how much this inspires me. it's just so camp. I love it. the language. the images. the recipes. what doesn't make me nauseas, which most of it does, makes me scream. two sex books, one from the 1940s and another from the 1920s ...