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If you listen closely as you read this, you can hear me reaching hard to create three, I may have torn a rotator cuff
I come here today my friends not to bury John McCain, but to praise him. To share a tender loving family values snibble of time that I hope transcends politics. You see my friends the presidential campaign trail is long and hard, like a penis, and at one point on that long, hard, soul sucking, maverick busting into party yes man presidential campaign trail, John's loving wife Cindy came up to him, ran her beerlicous fingers through his hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." A moment of tender humanity in the loveless inhuman world that is American presidential politics. "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt" Is what John McCain said by way of reply. I'm not making that up. Three reporters witnessed it. God that's hot. I bet they had steaming sex that night. White-hot nuclear powered cuntaramic sex until that makeup ran down Cindy McCain's face like water through a hydroelectric dam. Which means it...
I am John McCunt and I Approve This Message
Why do I want to be your president? Because goddamn it, I've earned it. Hell, I was an admiral's son, I didn't have to go to goddamn Vietnam, get shot down and deal with all those goddamn sadistic gook prison guards. No, I went because my prick of a father and his asshole of a father were goddamn admirals, for Christ's sake, and I had no choice but to pay off the poker bet I made with them and join the goddamn Navy. And after five years of eating goddamn rats and getting poked up the ass with hot bamboo sticks, then I gotta return to the states to a limping gimp of a wife who got herself fucked up in a car accident and got all fat on me? The cunt ended up with an ass on her the width of a Volkswagen, and after all I'd been through at the Hanoi Hilton, I was expected to come home and fuck that fat cunt? Hell, no! Then I met Cindy, who was hotter'n a two dollar pistol and her dad owned a beer factory. Why did I dump my fat ass first wife and get with Cindy? Bec...
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Oh that's brilliant!
Did I ever tell you I have one customer whose wedding cake I made twice?! Once for her first marriage and once for her second. I hear she's divorced again. She's a sweetie and has gr8 taste so I assume she just picks jerks like I do! LOL!
When mine is finalized I'm having a huge par-tay & making the grandest of grande "Divorce Cakes". A post at jintrin wil ensue with many a photo & hopefully I shall start a new trend!
A man suggested to me the other day that a "Divorce Cake" should be black as the wedding cakes are white...
jin the cynic replied sweetly:
"Not really. I think the wedding cakes should be black as it's the beginning of the end. The divorce cakes should be white for it signifies a brand new start!"
*snicker*
;-D
Holy crap - I am dying. I have time to read about 3 blogs today, glad I came here first.