Subject: I Just LOVE the IRS


Dear IRS;

Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read my letter. I know how slammed you are launching thorny, protruding objects into our rectums, by the way, we love that. It feels so good on top of inflation, the high price of gas, job insecurities, rising rents, impending foreclosures, oh, and overwhelming terror that McFuckain might actually become president. Yeah, it truly is the best of times.

Anyway.

Imagine my surprise when my accountant e-stalked me to let me know that after doing my taxes it turns out that I owe you the equivalent of a brand spankin' new medium sized car or a down payment on a modest house. Please don't think I'm ungrateful--I would hate for you to feel that way. I am grateful, really, even though 50% of my income went towards justifiable write-offs.

I super love you guys and can't thank you enough for the gift you've given me. Hey, quick question, can I get a free meal with this debt?

Loving,
Katie


Comments

Anonymous said…
now, katie, if you had just listened and become an accountant instead of a meshug occupation like writer you wouldn't be in this whole mess.

so it feels like a barbed object up the butt? hurts so good, hurts so good.

the picture is particularly apropos. because when the irs hits me, my nipples get super erect. especially when there's a man with a finger fingering me.

you should rant more, katie, because when you're angry, you're really, really funny. (and beautiful, too.)
8:09 AM
Anonymous said…
but i am truly sorry about the tax mess. i've been there. it sucks total ass.
8:10 AM
Fran said…
Oh Katie! This sucks.

Bastards. WTF? Oh wait. I get it. This admin has it set up so that only rich ass motherfuckers don't pay taxes.

So that you and I can! Sweet.

I hate this. I am so sorry that this has happened.
10:35 AM
Eebie said…
But wait, haven't you been wooed by the $600 gift checks in the mail.

(As an aside, given that they call you Harry and you are somehow lambasted with a megapayment, consider changing accountants.)
5:27 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
May the spirit of Louie rend them like Fawn Hall on a shredder-bender.
10:02 PM
Doreen Orion said…
The IRS is always right. The IRS means us no harm. The IRS is, in fact, the most wonderful government agency there ever was.

(Will I not get audited now?)
4:25 PM
Anonymous said…
"....launching thorny, protruding objects into our rectums, by the way, we love that...."

Rilly?

I was audited once. I turned the heat off in the house. The auditor eventually decided his health was more important than determining the veracity of my tax returns. Poor guy.
2:31 AM
Ms Smack said…
Mofo's. Are you serious? Can you appeal? Get a lawyer to fight the case? What if they're royally dodgy and fucking you over?
5:57 AM
Anonymous said…
Ummm... sweetie? Wouldn't Hillary's universal healthcare only raise your taxes more? They'd go from people owing mid-sized sedans, to owing chauffered limos. After all, somebody has to pay for it, and I don't think it'll be her.

Too late to switch to Paul though. Christian or not, you gotta love a guy who basically runs on "You mind your business, and I'll mind mine". Not sure why he decided to put the big "R" next to his name. I'd bet he lost a lot of votes by doing that.
11:16 AM
Coaster Punchman said…
Don't you hate it when things like this make you start seeing things in common with the Republicans? Except that you, as the middle class, really are responsible for keeping this baby afloat so the Rockefellers can all buy another yacht. Pay up, baby.
8:32 AM
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