Wednesday, January 10, 2007

but, you're a vegetarian?!

what is wrong with people? I am so sick and tired of dealing with unsolicited advice vomiting out of people's mouths and into my lap. I may be a fat, restless, prickly mess at the minute swimming in my own private idaho. but, here's a thought, that doesn't give YOU carte blanche to rip me a new, none of your fucking business, asshole.

whatever happened to minding your own pot? you have your cauldron of issues and I have mine. if you need more, visit your local homeless shelter. I promise you'll find gallons of crisis and agida begging for a few extra stirrers.

yesterday someone asked, why are you fat? you're a vegetarian. it's not the first time a presumptuous cow has asked me such a dumb ass question. I just answered with belligerent honesty this time.

well, you cunt sucking whore, I'm not sure, but it just might have something to do with the pre-menstrual whiz shots sans crackers I voraciously inhale. or perhaps it's the fine cheese cutlets eaten like steak with a side of mashed potatoes and salad. then again weekly fifths of sour cream masked as "dip" for chips isn't much of a help either. although, it's possible my appetizer parties for one might be the true culprit and reason for my sphere-ish figurine. in any case, it's none of your fucking business, now is it?!

it's an angry day.

11 comments:

John Donald Carlucci said...

You should see the fat on apples and the skin is no good for you either.

JDC

Anonymous said...

It coulda been worse - she could have asked you "Why are you SO fat"...

As for the Vegetarian jibe, next time, ask the silly cunts if they have ever seen an elephant sittling down to a serve of ribs and a medium are t-bone? Those jumbos must get one bastard of a grill-up going back in the elephant house after dark while we humans are all asleep. I mean a couple of lousy peanuts aint gonna blimp you up now, right?

Al Sensu said...

I'm sticking with my all meat diet. I'm still chubby but happy.

Writeprocrastinator said...

With friends like that, who needs enemas?

doc said...

Drop the crackers and eat pussy. Fat lesbians rock.

katie schwartz said...

mj, she was calling me fat, a big swine sphere. argh. she was just dressing it up in vegetarian attire.

katie schwartz said...

well, al, I hear being a flesh hound is quite an unforgettable experience. unfortunately, I wouldn't know. I've been a veggie my whole life. I'm allergic to meat and seafood. but, I fucking love the smell of BBQ. go figure.

katie schwartz said...

wp, so nice to see you! very funny.

katie schwartz said...

I love doc so hard. ah, you do so crack me up.

Coaster Punchman said...

The next time someone asks why you are fat, or if it bothers you being fat, or why don't you try not to be fat, you should just act shocked and say "do you really think I'm fat? I never realized!" and see if they get the hint. I have a few friends who are significantly overweight and every now and then someone will say to me "have you ever talked with so-and-so about their weight problem?" and I'm like "why? So I can point it out to them? Like they don't know about it?" Of course I'm always willing to listen if someone wants to talk, but people who give unsolicited advice on that are just morons.

Dale said...

Katie, I need you to talk to Coaster Punchman about something.

 

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