monday can kiss my fat jew ass


I started menstruating at 8pm. I was minding my own craving-free-business when all of a sudden, whoosh, I was menstruating! quite frankly, I'm a little pissed. where the fuck were the uncontrollable-reduced-to-tears, salt fantasies or the heart palpitating sugar cum dreams. where was the life sucking exhaustion?!

not a mood swing in sight. no rage. no crying. nothing. it was la-de-da - PERIOD!

what the fuck? am I the new face of pms?! is this the future of menses? cause I really need some fuckin' continuity in my life right now and I really don't feel like adapting to yet another major life change without any forewarning or discussion.

I had no encyclopedias. no gingerale. no salted tops. no painkillers. I was completely unprepared for the circus act to be in town. the sneak attack rags are always womb hostage cramp killers with those lovely random jolts of snatch pain that make your eyes water and your body go fetal.

other then that, it was an, eh, day. I didn't get as many things accomplished as I needed to. but, I did go on a bleach cleaning spree so satisfying it was of the goose bump variety. I am such a bleach spray cleaner whore. if I'm going to clean, I want germs dating back a hundred years and hopeful germs to come to be eradicated in a defiant bush hates liberals kind of way.

Comments

Narrator said…
Mine's raging down the pipes as we type and should be here in a few days. I've stocked up on shit to eat and pills to pop.

My condolences on your dead eggs.
8:50 PM
Anonymous said…
my worst starting of a period- while getting fingered by the boy I spent months crushing on and even learned to snowboard for.... I finally score and we start making out, he slips me the finger and as soon as he goes for two, gush the muther fucker started... and started all over his pretty little hands.... that was the end for us.... I hate my fucking period!
12:19 PM
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