Katie Schwartz

I'M FUCKING OBSESSED.

I feel like she doesn't. it kind of bothers me. fear not, I have a plan: leewee , here's a masturbation-sex meemish that I wrote just for you. however, you are free to tag a few of our fearless soldierettes. 1. did you lose your virginity to steve cauble or jesus christ ? 2. did you masturbate to jesus or another high school crush? 3. have you ever masturbated? 4. if so, do you recall the age and whether or not you had an orgasm? 5. was it vaginal or clitoral? 6. what is the best way to reach a woman's g-spot, and does it involve any " hymns "? 7. do you masturbate weekly, monthly or just on special occasions? 8. do you have a vibrator, a dildo or a shame-o (you know, a homemade vadge ride)? 9. do you feel dirty after you masturbate? if so, how do you cleanse? do you use a special talc? 10. what's your favorite porn? bush christmas or it came upon the midnight clear?

you know you love your new nickname, leewell, donchya? it's camp, lighthearted, even a bit whimsical. OK. we ARE SO done with flattery time. do you know why? because, missy, I have a bone to pick. a serious, ginormous bone(r). STOP IT, KATIE. leewee. get it? it's a pee pee joke. seriously, welch(es) (oh, that sounds like felches). but, welches, that's a juice of the grape variety. good for blood pressure. ya ever get a spike, leepee? if you do, suck that liquid back like it's the blood o' j. so, child of a lesser god, though you don't email me back, I'm holding my breath in the hopes that you will. I don't understand why you didn't go to church for christmas. that's so harsh, dude. you know he felt slighted. you hock him all year long and the one day he asks you to toss a lil' thought his way, what do you do? you eat mexican food and open prizes. girl, you're like, omg, I hate to say it, but the... anti-christ. I am so disheartened by yo...

ok. point blank. the j-lovin diva is getting thin again and she's chucking her quacker factory prints for real life people clothing . what the fuck?! this sucks ass. it's totally unfair. those are not store boughten c-bones either. those are real. cruel, I tell you, cruella de ville squared. breathe, schwartzy, breathe. this crotchmas, our blair outdid herself. she threw a big ol' tarjay soiree. "our annual, Target Party for the Cauble kids. Each year, they invite their friends to the local Target store for a party. I went to Target early and bought $5.00 gift cards for every girl, Sharpee'd their names on them, and hid them for the morning Advent Calendar hunt. It is always so much fun to see which kids actually try to find something good and which ones buy the biggest gag gift they can find." big christian fun. wait! it gets better. "Christmas day was as magical as it should be. Full of gifts, home movies. traditions, homemade biscuits, naps, movies, M...

fartkisaf: friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays . sundays. 1. change. oy . it's a mother bitch, ain't it? knowing you need to invoke change. being a duality and appreciating the value of change, but also fearing change. nothing quite says resolution like being at odds with oneself 100% of the time. it's super festive squared. 2. louie's ankles . he started physical therapy this week and his arthritis drenched ankles blew up like the size of cleveland. being a neurotic freak of nature, I panicked. but, the following day, I noticed marked improvement and though the ankles are still swollen, they're more like the size of maine now. as long as he's not in pain and his quality of life remains the same, it's all good. 3. eenie meenie minee mo which sibling gets to tell the monster she's a big fuckin' alcoholic ho ?! that would be me. fuck fuck mother fuck.

"No pardner, this isn't where I work... It's where my money works for me. I know my savings are safe here, because wherever you see that insurance emblem displayed you know your savings are protected by an agency of the U.S. Government." that's one hell of an ad I found online, isn't it?! -- I've decided that abstinence is very similar to going carb free. there isn't an upside to either. -- I really think there should be a fat sucking program for the poor. I see it as a win-win. lemme splain. fattie poor folk get fat sucked out of their bodies making them thin. their fat is then injected into poor starving people making them healthy and robust. it's a good idea, no? -- I'm not sure what's worse, fat rash or fat pull. fat pull is when appropriatee fitting underwear still manages to get sucked under the majora belly roll. in my opinion fat pull blows fat rash away. fat rash though uncomfortable can be remedied with powder or lotion. one fello...

riback, another blog love has the funniest landing page with a survey and all, the kreplach brothers . jewey enough!?