leewell's spin on christmas

ok. point blank. the j-lovin diva is getting thin again and she's chucking her quacker factory prints for real life people clothing. what the fuck?!

this sucks ass. it's totally unfair. those are not store boughten c-bones either. those are real.

cruel, I tell you, cruella de ville squared. breathe, schwartzy, breathe.

this crotchmas, our blair outdid herself. she threw a big ol' tarjay soiree.

"our annual, Target Party for the Cauble kids. Each year, they invite their friends to the local Target store for a party. I went to Target early and bought $5.00 gift cards for every girl, Sharpee'd their names on them, and hid them for the morning Advent Calendar hunt. It is always so much fun to see which kids actually try to find something good and which ones buy the biggest gag gift they can find."

big christian fun. wait! it gets better.

"Christmas day was as magical as it should be. Full of gifts, home movies. traditions, homemade biscuits, naps, movies, Mexican food, dominoes, just enjoying family."

I don't see church or jesus mentioned anywhere in that magical fucking crotchmas day. do you? yeah. didn't think so. SOMEONE IS GETTING A LETTER!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Isn't church how they punish the bad people on Christmas? That's how my parents punished me.

I like celebrating Christmas Japanese style: full commercialism with just a touch of Hello Kitty.
4:58 PM
Anonymous said…
K: I'm so relieved that you're firing off another letter to Madame Cauble. First the holiday newsletter that tells of Mr. Cauble tumbling off the roof and now this debauch among the Target aisles! What next? Streaking through Disneyworld? A tatoo of J.C.? Stay her with, Katie. She needs you.
7:05 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
evil spock, that's hilar. hello kitty? I'm seriously howling. creepy, huh?!
8:29 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
hahahahahhahhahahah, d-cup. too funny! our gal is quite the freak, isn't she?
8:30 PM
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