Monday, January 08, 2007

dear leewell

you know you love your new nickname, leewell, donchya? it's camp, lighthearted, even a bit whimsical.

OK. we ARE SO done with flattery time. do you know why? because, missy, I have a bone to pick. a serious, ginormous bone(r).


leewee. get it? it's a pee pee joke.

seriously, welch(es) (oh, that sounds like felches). but, welches, that's a juice of the grape variety. good for blood pressure. ya ever get a spike, leepee? if you do, suck that liquid back like it's the blood o' j.

so, child of a lesser god, though you don't email me back, I'm holding my breath in the hopes that you will.

I don't understand why you didn't go to church for christmas. that's so harsh, dude. you know he felt slighted. you hock him all year long and the one day he asks you to toss a lil' thought his way, what do you do? you eat mexican food and open prizes. girl, you're like, omg, I hate to say it, but the... anti-christ. I am so disheartened by your actions. I'm blue and not of the crocodile variety.

leezer (get it, like skeezer), you have to make it up to him. those pearly gates could be closed for business and no matter how much you pray 364 days out of the year, it's that 365th day that could bite ya right in the ass.

plus... soldiers. that would be us, me. the people who follow you. girl, are you b-lining us right for hell's doorway?! cause it sure seems like it. think of others. isn't that what christ is all about, sweetie, selflessness.

think about it and get back to me.


ps: by the way, did you get steve a do-it-yourself-in-a-pinch glory hole kit or a massage with relee for christmas?


Coaster Punchman said...

I have never laughed so hard at a blog before!

katie schwartz said...

we do so love our lee wee, don't we, cp?



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