Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Faith

My faith did the drama diva swan dive off the Golden Gate Bridge when I almost peeled out from Graves' disease. Over the past year, I've been working on faith restoration in every area of my life. Let me tell ya, it ain't easy.

I have good days and bad days. Days when I am so in the flow of faith-- if we bonded any harder, I'd spontaneously combust from being overly faithed. Other days, I want to fuck faith in the ass with a giant cock the size of the Chrysler building sans lube. My faith is moody, tempestuous and unreliable. I know it's there, it's just a matter of rekindling it.

Pre-Graves' I was a very idealistic broad. And now my idealism is fractured. When it surfaces, it's a beauuutiful thing.


Today for example, I have been reading Wade Agnew's poetry books A Desultry Way and Solace for a Starving, Naked, Alone In The Dark Soul (does that scream KATIE or does that scream Katie?! Please...) The boy has serious poetry chops. I'm falling hard and fast for his work. Anywhoodle. After receiving his books a few weeks ago with a lovely note attached, I mentioned that I wished he'd signed them. Ya know what this mensch did, he sent me two more books SIGNED with another fabulous note. Faith restoration in people-BOOM.

In the meantime, I'm craving raisin bran crunch. I won't drink soy milk or eat RBC straight outta the box. It's dry as a bone and dripping in gluten. I will suffer in silence. Dramatic enough?!

What is it with Craigslist and chairs?! I'm telling you the chairs are cursed on the list of craig. I found two more beauts I wanted and to get them to my house.... Don't ask. The fellow won't give me his address and he won't accept my address. He just wants cross streets. What's his fuckin' plan? Hit the corner and start shouting "SCHWARTZ, I GOT YA FUCKIN' CHAIRS."

And now I must run. Virg has a new post I want to read. I need to e-stalk a few peeps back and, oh, wait, wait, WAIT. I have more dish. One of my naybahs has decided that smoke from my apartment is infiltrating her apartment through the walls. 1) I don't smoke. 2) I don't cook. 3) I'm not an arsonist. However, she's decided that the smoke is my fault. My landlord comes over today with a cigarette and walks into my kitchen, lights it and says, "Smoke this. I'm going to turn on the stove and be back in 10 minutes." While a ciggy burns in my kitchen and flames from the stove shoot out, I stand observing this strange turn of events. My landlord comes back, puts the cigarette out and turns the stove off. He then decides she's nuts. Hi. Who you tellin?! His theory is that she's trying to get out of her lease. NEWSFLASH... she doesn't have a lease. We've lived in this buildink for the same amount of time and we're both on month-to-month. She's free to flee any damn time she wants.

I'm off like a prom dress.

More later.

Oh, I gotta cawl my fathah.

Loving....

14 comments:

FranIAm said...

I wrote a long and heartfelt fucking comment and this bloggerfuck ate it.

Faith is a tumultuous, demanding lover and one that often inspires not focus but ennui. So it is and so you are with your journey. It is beautiful.

As you are.

Thanks for your amazing honesty kateleh.

Madam Z said...

Faith, shmaith. The only one you can depend on is yourself, Katie. It's a pleasant surprise when someone like Wade Agnew comes along and does something nice like you describe. But don't depend on it. Maybe I'm just in a funk tonight, but I fear there are more people like your "naybah" than there are like your author friend.

P.S. I love your description of how you feel about faith on your bad days. "Other days, I want to fuck faith in the ass with a giant cock the size of the Chrysler building sans lube." Ouch!!

Karl said...

Yeah, my faith is up and down, too. It's a fickle bitch.

Distributorcap said...

faith was some chick who sat in front of me in 8th grade Spanish

and as for craigslist -- i did buy a nice table from someone, but the chairs needed refinishing

Dale said...

The faith shows up just in time generally to keep me from grabbing my Chrysler sized cock and going to town.

FranIAm said...

Dale and his Canadian filth. Just another reason we love him...

travelingman said...

FYI this skinny faygelah has just a bit of sex appeal. I mean hell we can't all have a wonderful protruding basketball sized stomach.

My old boss used to rub his fat belly and say "Son half of this is just foreskin." Well at least when I go to take a piss I can see my willie!

I love the photo though and I know what ya mean about the faith, my runs hot and cold. Born and raised "Primitive Baptist", which makes those liberal "Southern Baptists" look like Unitarians. I am sorry but I just had to step away from the Altar for awhile.

Love Yah Hun...

Katie Schwartz said...

Fran I Am, you so get it. You are beautiful, my sweet.

Oy, faith, it's exquisite torture, isn't it?!

Katie Schwartz said...

MZ, I hear you. I respect where you're coming from. As always, I love your candor. I guess I just want some faith restoration, even though I do believe (like you), it is important to count on yourself. I can't imagine being any less independent than I am. I do love faith. We have a twisted relationship. Maybe that's my S&M relationship. Could it be?!

Katie Schwartz said...

Kaaaaaaaaaaarl, so nice to see you, dollface.

I agree with you.

Katie Schwartz said...

Oh, Daleish, you are so funny and wrong. Do you really have a Chrysler sized cock (wink-wink)?

Katie Schwartz said...

Ha, distributorcap.

Hey, do you still have the table and chairs? Vinty or new?

Katie Schwartz said...

Right, Frannygirl?!?!?!?!?!

Katie Schwartz said...

TravelingMan, you are the Jewiest Southern Baptist. Hilarious!

your ex boss is a fuckin riot. The image still makes me scream. I re-read this three times and howled my ass off.

 

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