Blogging From Bed

So, yeah. okay. dish. Today, a friend of mine was driving along the highway minding her own business when some cuntola tried to sidle into her lane without signaling. She was going 55, and had to act quickly, you know how you do. She honked. Not long, not loud, short and quick. The lane stealing snatch called her fehatty. Fehatty! She's not fat. Chuvvy, yes. STILL. That's not really the point.

Here is the point in my humble opinion when I've been called fehatty. It makes me feel soooo bad. As if fehatty-name-calling-snatchcookie called me the following one-liners: Stupid-fat-and-poor. Dirty-fuck-baby. And. Slovenly-bad-ass-wiper.

It's okay to say fat. Chuvvy. Not a skinny minny. A chub on the low (meaning losing weight). Semi-Spheereena. Those I could live with. But, fehatty?! Ah, God, it's the worst.

Cuntest updates from the Cuntessa (I cackle-snorted when I wrote that. Shame). I got the most di-viiiine PSA from the diva at PulpFriction. Her blog is so politically irreverent, it makes mine look virginal. From the inventor of Munt, TravelingManRick, I got one hell of a healthentry. His blog is as lovely as he is. Run. Read. Both. Now.

Not only did one of my blog heros, Mock, Paper, Scissors add my lil' Vey-a-Shmear to their rockin' blog roll, the great Ten of Grain (Tengrain) posted a hilarious blurb about the McCunt Essay Contest. Have you not read MPS? Oh ma gawd, you have got to read this online rag, especially if you're a lefty Lucy lookin' for the real deal, not the watered down snatchcrap you find in right wing press.


I got the greatest comment EVER from this broad who took my wig off. I loved every word, slopped it up with gluten free bread and awwl. Scroll down and read the 32nd comment. You will scream, seriously. It's very South Park with a religious twist and everything. Love ha.

I am in a real snatchy mood tonight, right? Snatch this and snatch that. Oy. I'm snatching myself into a frenzy, huh? Don't worry I'm still BFF'ng w/cunt. Just sayin'.

Loving....

Comments

Fran said…
Whoever said that to your friend can kiss my big fehatty white ass.

Damn- I hate fat prejudice name calling.

I am no skin and bones girl and I will not be shamed and called names about it.

I need to go snatch me a shower and get out of the house.

Snatchedy Snatch Snatch.

I cunt resist words jokes around here, I just cunt.
6:26 AM
Anonymous said…
I find the best retort to that (and I have gotten it a lot), if logistically possible is to get up in insulters face. It's just like anyone else yellling anything or saying something about you under their breath- they seldom have a comeback.

People who openly practice fat bigotry are dependent on fatties to take it and be hurt by it. They don't know what to do when fatties don't behave the way they are supposed to. Then in that couple of seconds they're off balance, you can insult them back about their tiny penis or how one eye is droopy or whatever.

Like Mother Biden sez, go out there and bloody their nose.

Live by the sword, die by the sword.
7:13 AM
Anonymous said…
I cunnot (thinnk about it) thank you enough for the link to MPS!

Regards,

Tengrain
5:09 PM
Fran said…
If Tengrain says he cunt do something he means he cunt do it.

He just never uses contractions - that he cunnot do.

Signed,
Smartass (Smartcunt?)
5:35 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
Fran I Am, you are tits to the tenth. You are not chuvvy. You're stunning and you have a fabulous figurine, diva.

I can't stand chubprehj either, it really pisses me off.

Love snatchedy snatch snatch and cunt for can't. you're killin me.
6:27 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
Virg, you are sooo damn funny. You're right. You can't sit back and take that shit, you have to hit back and hit hard. FUCK taking a backseat to your own life.
6:29 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
Tengrain, not only did you say "cunt", you gave a splondeed variation. I'm so happy.

Child, I've been linking to you for ages. Huge fan- you're one of my blogidols.
6:30 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
Tengrain... I do so wish you'd consider submitting something to the cuntessa's cuntest. You can do it anonomously. Just e-stalk me, katiegirl@gmail.com. I won't say it's from you.

Shall I beg?

Okay.

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
6:31 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
smartass and super smartcunt. the smartiest smartcunt evah.
6:32 PM
Anonymous said…
I swear to God, this blog is like being in the Best Bad Girl Sorority House on Campus.

And when I swear to God, She listens. Trust me on this. My mouth to God's ear - although, where my mouth has been, God only knows what she wants near Her ear. Then again, She created it, so, I mean, really . . .She can't afford to be THAT picky, right? Of course, right.

I've decided I'm going to go Anonymous on this Blog. There's enough here to screw me already. I don't want tempt fate.

At this age, I can't tempt much else, if you know what I mean. Gravity, I've decided, is not a girl's best friend.

It's like the earth is already trying to claim my body. Everything is starting to head south - my thighs, my butt, my tits (actually, not my tits. The girls are still pretty perky, thank you very much, and they don't look so bad in the summer w/o a bra in the frozen food section of the grocery store) - but there is a real paucity of southern hospitality, I can tell you that fer sure.

So, if you don't mind, you know who I am anyway and the people "upstairs" are just the kind who would call someone a "fehatty," and we all know that just ain't right.

And, anyway, they all be rather corpulent themselves so it would be a little like the pot calling the kettle beige, as it were.

Okay. Off to bed with me. To sleep, perchance to get laid.

TELP = The Evil Lesbian Priestess.
11:01 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
Anony, God as a woman, I love you right now.

My diva, you are welcome to go anony on my blog. I totally get it. As long as I see your shining face and read your irreverent words, I'm a happy girl.

PS: Are we entering my cuntest? You can do it anonymously. I'm just sayin'. I know I've said it before. I'm repetative.

Having seen your picky-doodle-doo, I can tell ya, you're a smokin hot diva. Leave the self depreicating to me, dahlink. Really. Really? Yes, really.

PSS: I always say calling the kettle beige - ha.

I hope you slept with the angels.

See ya round, toots.
9:33 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
Read more

Best Spam Evaaaaaaaaaaah -UPDATE-

Image
Look what I found in my box today?! Aside from the fact that I'm a VADGE and there is a glaring typo " fie" instead of " fine" , they've made this dame a raging cunt- hate that (and her high, tight rack. Bitch ). Women don't behave this way. Women aren't cunty. Women don't emasculate men. That is not how we roll, yo. UPDATE : From the fabulous and flawless MonkeyMucker : Actually hon that's not a typo. the word "fie" is a somewhat rare wordthat is used to denote scorn or used in place of a swear or curse word.It was more popular in the old days, like say during the 16th thru 19th centuries . Who knew?! I had no idea. Simianboy, you're a wealth of knowledge. Grazie. Penis enlargement patches also do not work. If you want to keep your junk intact, don't be stickin' things in it, or on it that can damage the meat bat. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about your manhood, either. It's your dick, live it. Love it....
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article ...
Read more