Sunday, March 30, 2008

Yo, Left Eye, WTF?!


Police: Forsyth Man Hit, Killed Girlfriend With Truck I know this is a total bubbsie post, so if Bubbalish wants to cross-post, please post.


It's a postable I had to blog. Mark ran over his girlfriend with a half-ton truck and killed her, yet he was arrested for a DUI and out on bail for a mere $1,375?



Uh-ha.
I see.



He whacked his girlfriend, would that be the "serious" felony charge they reference in the article? Or the DUI? Are you mothah fuckin' kiddin' me?! I find this deeply disturbing and appalling that a man who violently and deliberately murders his girlfriend is out on bail, and for under 2K.



Okay, now onto the left eye. We all see it, it's not something one can miss. It's a rather expressive, Quasimotto wandering left eye. Can we all agree that it's a bit challenging on the peepers, that one might need a minute to take it in? Okay, great.



Here's what I'm having difficulty with: He went and found himself a bird who loved him for who he was. At some point in the relationship, she rode her man's cock until she came on more than one occasion. She stared longingly into his left eye, showering him in affection. She didn't care about the eye, she got past it and saw the man. There aren't that many people who would do that.



WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING KILLING THE WOMAN WHO LOVED HIM?! How many chippy's out there are there for him?



---
Best wrong number of the week: "Can I speak to the parents of Haysus Banyos?" Sorry, wrong number. She calls back, "Wait, can I speak to the parents of Gustavo Suarez?" It's still the wrong number. I don't have children. She asks, "No children at this number?" Not a one. I wanted to say "Call the Jolie-Pitt residence. Ya never know, I'm just sayin'."



Best spam subject line of the week: Be Hard Even When Flaccid. Shouldn't market research indicate that I have a vagina?!

9 comments:

Eebie said...

Honey, this is so f*&%#d up and so artfully written. You're the best!

FranIAm said...

I am so stuck on be hard even when flaccid. It is like a zen fucking sex koan to me.

FranIAm said...

Speaking of which, that photo is so the sound of one left eye clapping to me.


Is my zen humor any match for my catholisha jew humor?

probably not.

There is a reason there was not a zen borscht belt.

Wouldn't I have made a good tummeler in the Catskills?


That definition that I link to also makes me think of a career as a fluffer, but now I ahve gone too far afield!

Bubs said...

Holy shit that's awesome! Of course he's from DOWN SOUTH...I wonder how many cases of Busch Lite he drank before the incident.

I bet if we checked the local papers we could find out what his colorful nickname was...something like "winky" I'll bet.

Anonymous said...

"...Best spam subject line of the week: Be Hard Even When Flaccid. Shouldn't market research indicate that I have a vagina?!..."

It did!
Turgidity is only necessary for the woman.

FranIAm said...

Well I just had a spam that promised your "woman a good womb massage with a massive and sturdy pole."

Does not sound appealing to me or my womb.

Madam Z said...

Hey Fran, when I want "a good womb massage with a massive and sturdy pole," I just shove a baseball bat up my vag. It works fine.

Now, as for the goober who ran over his "girlfriend," I would guess that she was trying to escape from him at the time. She had probably just told him, "Goober, I can try to ignore the dirty, greasy, stringy hair and the pock-marked skin, but the eye is really freaking me out."

FranIAm said...

Madame Z- a lovely shiraz is now dripping down off the monitor, that was too funny.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Who is he cousin of that he gets bail???

"I wanted to say 'Call the Jolie-Pitt residence. Ya never know, I'm just sayin'."

Ahh, you should've.

 

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