Sunday, December 02, 2007

And The Shittiest Blogger of the Year Award Goes to....


I have been a real fuckball blogger this week. I suck fat mannequin ass. It's been a hell of a week. Did you know Evil Knieval died? He peeled at 69. I wasn't a fan or anything. But, he was Evil Knieval. That name alone warrants some type of honorable mention, right?


I'm on a Christian tear again. I've noticed that many of the Christian blogs I fly threw, prioritize God before their families. I don't know about you, but if my ma said she loved God more than me, it would be a real self-esteem buzz kill. Let's break it down. If I was the husband, I wouldn't feel half as sexy. J-man had abs of steel, a kitsch thorn hat and strutted around in a loin cloth. How do you compete with that?! He oozed power and presence.



If I was the child of a born again, I'd feel like I could never live up to Jesus' standards. I can't turn water into wine. I can't walk on water. I can't bring things back from the dead or resurrect more than my own erection (if were a boy). If I was a girl, well, there is no competition, is there?

8 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

Mary is the competition for women, right?

"I'm on a Christian tear again. I've noticed that many of the Christian blogs I fly threw, prioritize God before their families. I don't know about you, but if my ma said she loved God more than me, it would be a real self-esteem buzz kill."

Hey, their version of the J-Man is end-all and be-all. They get to use him as a crutch, since they will not (at least out in the open) use alcohol or drugs. They get to jump up on their soap box and they are not "dysfunctional," because they believe that they are following Christ's example.

The J-Man sure as anything, wouldn't want them to avoid their children, but nuture them. Like the Welchel, they blog about their conversations with God, but they should be talking to their kids before they kids get to the Columbine-stage.

Remember that both Columbine shooters went to Christian summer camps. I am not blaming the religon, I am saying that you cannot hand your kid a bible and tell them the answers are there, then dash off all day to work. Kids need to be put first, because they didn't ask to be born into this f-ed up world.

Bilious Pudenda said...

"...I can't walk on water...."

Ahhhhh, sure you can, just wait for winter!

Madam Z said...

You don't understand, Katie. It's all about getting into heaven! To get onto the fast track, they have to proclaim their love for god above all others. To hell with the kids and everyone else.

As far as I'm concerned, ALL religions (with the possible exception of Buddhism) "suck fat mannequin ass."

BTW, while it's true that I can't turn water into wine, I can turn wine into piss!

Creepy said...

I've always been blown away by that concept: god is more important than my wife, child, loved ones, etc. These people (oh geez, there he goes with "these people") put a potentially imaginary being ahead of their spouse or flesh and blood. That just goes against rationality and reason to me. Then again, so does faith.

DCup said...

I'm dying here! Christ as self-esteem buzz kill!

What would my therapist say?

FranIAm said...

Oh damn this is good. DCup sent me but we have other friends in common.

As a resident Catholic (farshintkener half shiksa half shaina maidl really) who says fuck, Jesus and gai kocken affan yam with equal ease, I must say this is a great fucking post.

I will be back. Please feel free to stop by and not let the Jeebus part get in the way. Such tsuris over a Jewish boy. For 2000 years no less.
Feh.

I amFranIam and I approve this message.

Dale said...

But you can turn whine into blogging which is even better! WWEKD?

Chaylene said...

I *am* the child of bornagains, and you speak the truth, sistah.

...Only at our house, money towards tithing was more important than money for pretty much anything else.

Everytime I saw that little envelope drop in the offering plate I silently wept for the Guess jeans I would never have.

 

design by suckmylolly.com