Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
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I think you only have a bukkake story left and you'll have covered every bodily function...
Do like all ex-pats when they're homesick and start a festival. Howzabout "The Festival of Saint Menses?"
"my dog vomited by my head this morning. great wake up call. so aromatic. really. truly disgusting."
Tell him to stop eating at Taco Smell. Because there somethings that even the digestive systems of dogs can't handle.
"it was my sister's b-day on friday."
Happy Belated Birthday Kerri!
Cheer up Katie. Paris called me up and says she's coming over with some cupcakes to cheer you up. Your pad is going to be the place to be for Nicole's big pre-lock-up bash and we're all going commando to celebrate.
Not to mention, check this partying theme...Crotchfires for everyone!
Rest up, chill out and try not to think too much--I recommend spending some quality time with some made for tv movies, or maybe some women's prison flicks. Always works for me.
(1) Wouldn't you rather be a lid on a garbage can in Inglewood than the Bklyn Borough President? [That's what I tell myself -- Lid on Garbage Can in Kunduru than Bloomberg when I feel like that...doesn't work but can't hurt]
(2) Take a nap
(3) You and everybody else, except you often do, most never do.
(4) Lie down, read and you'll drift off or...you're probably sleeping soundly right now
(5) Weigh it up against the joy the dog has given you. If the vomit expeience outweighs the joy, skin it, clean it, cure it and cook it up in a nice stew a la JAMES CLAVELL'S KING RAT
(6) Easier to get you meme shit together than your income and expenses for taxes.
(7) You own a car. Can drive anywhere you want during off hours because you are your own boss and your car is clean now.
(8) Your house is clean
(9) Egg his house, call the cops, or go up Sunset by the Chateau Marmont, go to a strip mall on the north side and get a Russian dude to sort your neighbor out. Or if it kind of excites you...test it out in fantasyland and if that works, proceed -- with caution!
(10) That doesn't sound bad at all, unless there's a big sibling rivalry problem
(11) Comes with the gender. Dudes occasionally get protatitis or orchitis which is more uncomfortable.
(12) Give up watching fascist police and prosecutorial shows. You'll feel better for it. By watching that show or any of its spinoffs you are tossing in with the Man, man.
(13) Take a benzodiazapine. And go to NY Bagel Co on San Vicente in Brentwood. Get some bagels and lox and a chicken noodle soup with a Matzoh ball. I mean get the food first, then take the benzo. Have the soup first because it will activate the benzo and then eat the bagel and lox.
(14) Visit blogs for show, write for dough
(15) The won't miss you and you know they WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
(16) You did better stuff. Washed your car and cleaned your house. You probably also read a novel and/or watched a movie.
(17) Either assume it's just the blues. Or isolate the problem and see if the worst case scenario is dealable with. Or take 3 more benzos and chase with hot cup of cocoa.
(18) Then your good to go. So take something fun like Percocet 750 and chase THAT with a cup of hot cocoa.
(19) You have 19 bullet points and counting. As a holder of a UCLA MBA, I can tell you that qualifies as PROSE
(20) Fuck 'em sideways.
(21) Soon come.
(22) Praise Jesus
(23) a beautful thought...if it can be defined, is it possible to achieve?
(24) Heebalish
(14)
(9) meant WEST SIDE of SUNSET maybe near CRESCENT HEIGHTS.
(10) should read "prostatitis"
(15) should read "they..."
(18) should read "you're..."
blank (14) at bottom of page was an error unless you want to assign it some special meaning...wholly up to you...
Looks like you got a lot more done than Evil Spock.
b. we love you
Don't worry about it. It happens to everyone - even Christians.
It'll pass. See you Saturday.
ps. Check your email.
xx Smack
Usually, though these things amount to nothing. A couple of years ago a Hollywood agent called me on cell while I was in LV playing cards. He said something very threatening with regard to a tech business venture he had no part of. I called my attorney. And then I called somebody who has REAL experience with these sorts of things and asked him if I should be worried. He laughed out loud and said "forget about it...these people live in a fantasy world...I'll bet anything HBO had 'Get Shorty' on last night. Go back to your game and enjoy yourself."
Sucks, I feel for you. After going through days like you're having, my first impression is that it was a loss, yet I always conclude it was this ol' bod' taking a break.
I just posted. Cheers!
He is under contract from me, do not pay him any mind.
And it is spelled "teats", you ignorant New York Jewess cunt!
Cheer up, at least you have a car!
You rich and ignorant New York Jewessing cuntbutlering Vulvanator.
(am I a bad person?)
Someone isn't keeping up with her side of the social contract we have here, I think!