random shit

I've been thinking about pick-up lines today. I'd love to go up to a man at a bar and say, know where I can find an std as fine as you?

I'd also like to say to a gardener, I'm looking for a mild vaginal infection, what can I plant in my canal to grow one?

I said a had a pulse, not that I was right in the head.

Comments

Creepy said…
My favorite pick up line is "Let's play carnival, sit on my face and I'll guess your weight." Strangely enough I haven't been very successful with that one.
8:08 PM
Anonymous said…
Katie: I snagged The Honey with the quickest, most direct pickup line ever..."I'd do you in a second."

It worked and I've been making his life miserable ever since.

Now he begs me to do him for even a second! (joke. I give him five minutes before my mind starts wandering. After ten minutes, he gets the hook - I've got shit to do!)
9:57 PM
Anonymous said…
I want to be your tampon.
10:02 PM
Mister Mxyzptlk said…
"Are those two nuclear warheads or are you just happy to see me."
10:12 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
Creepy,

That, and "free moustaches rides."

From one of Procrastinator Junior's fave cartoons, "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends":

"Do you have a roadmap? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."
11:10 PM
Mountjoy said…
"You know you want one".
4:00 PM
Eebie said…
Given my heritage it's nice to ask, "Do you have some Irish in you?" "Would you like some Irish in you?"

The only line that works is..."I just sold my company for 800 million dollars, but before you get excited understand that it is 400 million after taxes. Still, don't you think 400 million is worth celebrating?"
7:25 PM
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