Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
Frederick Von Anhalt, Howard Stern and Larry Birkhead have all claimed to be the fathers of one severely rich infant. whatever. I've decided that I want in. so, I'm a chick... with a vagina... a few ovaries and a womb. who says I can't be the father?!
so she lubes her face a little. grease face could be all the rage in my clit-to-cock-make-me-rich fantasy. anything is possible! why the fuck hasn't anyone come forward claiming that the fruit of anna's loins is actually jfk's kid?! hello, frozen sperm... marlyn-monroe?!?! you feel me? 
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Now on a serious (?) note did you know if your ass is infected and you were taking nine prescription medications you could just slip off into Death?
And we all knew there was no way it belonged to that Frederick Von Asshat.