schwartz eve


happy jew year.

passed out at 11:30. I'm a whore.

I dreamt that I was overflowing in cockroaches and leeches. freaked me out to no end. what does it all mean? who the fuck knows, but I woke up skeeved and couldn't hurl my fat ass in the shower fast enough.

last night, my neighbors, my age, had a keg party. an honest to goodness kegger. dude, the shame. we didn't stop kegging at 23-25? who taps anything other than ass at 34?!

jewcifer and I had a super morning walk/drive.

if I could eat hot, well managed fat all day, I would. but, I can't, so I won't. argh.

Comments

Anonymous said…
"well managed" fat? Do tell more!
3:20 PM
Anonymous said…
You mean your people are allowed to celebrate New Year's Eve and you leeched out at 11:30? Tsk.
5:57 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
My neighbors right below do beer pong and they are more or less in the same age bracket.

I could go on about all the tenants that have lived in that unit, but I would get into libel territory.
8:36 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
Read more

Best Spam Evaaaaaaaaaaah -UPDATE-

Image
Look what I found in my box today?! Aside from the fact that I'm a VADGE and there is a glaring typo " fie" instead of " fine" , they've made this dame a raging cunt- hate that (and her high, tight rack. Bitch ). Women don't behave this way. Women aren't cunty. Women don't emasculate men. That is not how we roll, yo. UPDATE : From the fabulous and flawless MonkeyMucker : Actually hon that's not a typo. the word "fie" is a somewhat rare wordthat is used to denote scorn or used in place of a swear or curse word.It was more popular in the old days, like say during the 16th thru 19th centuries . Who knew?! I had no idea. Simianboy, you're a wealth of knowledge. Grazie. Penis enlargement patches also do not work. If you want to keep your junk intact, don't be stickin' things in it, or on it that can damage the meat bat. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about your manhood, either. It's your dick, live it. Love it....
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article ...
Read more