and now for.... fartkisaf

welcome to, friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays.

1. I keep having the strangest dreams, that just above my diaphram (not of the bc variety), I have a giant burser that could be misconstrued as a third tit. so, what have I done, well, I'll tell you, I've FREAKED MYSELF OUT to the point of trying to find those cancer sniffing dogs to be 100% certain these are not foreshadowing dreams. so far, no luck.

2. that I will get fired. it's a running theme in my life, and was my gig of choice in 04'. who am I to break with tradition. I realize there's a new year on the horizon, and as much as I'd love to give up certain neuroses, it feels forced and cliche. + we've bonded. we're tight. why give up something so near and dear to my heart?!

ps: I just realized that #2 covered two fears. that makes this a three fear week. not bad, schwartzy. in all honesty, if I actually wrote about each fear I had in a week, we're talking three page entries. scary.

more fears next week! excited?

Comments

Anonymous said…
You know, i've always held this fear that Im not good enough, or worthy enough to hold a position that has some responsibility?

I'm my own worst enemy and I reckon, thats another thing we have in common, sweet thing.
x
4:55 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
honey smack, hate that you feel that way. you're a goddess squared. but, if you do have the ahj, we have that in common *sigh*
10:44 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article
Read more

Best Spam Evaaaaaaaaaaah -UPDATE-

Image
Look what I found in my box today?! Aside from the fact that I'm a VADGE and there is a glaring typo " fie" instead of " fine" , they've made this dame a raging cunt- hate that (and her high, tight rack. Bitch ). Women don't behave this way. Women aren't cunty. Women don't emasculate men. That is not how we roll, yo. UPDATE : From the fabulous and flawless MonkeyMucker : Actually hon that's not a typo. the word "fie" is a somewhat rare wordthat is used to denote scorn or used in place of a swear or curse word.It was more popular in the old days, like say during the 16th thru 19th centuries . Who knew?! I had no idea. Simianboy, you're a wealth of knowledge. Grazie. Penis enlargement patches also do not work. If you want to keep your junk intact, don't be stickin' things in it, or on it that can damage the meat bat. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about your manhood, either. It's your dick, live it. Love it.
Read more

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav
Read more