Wednesday, October 25, 2006

five things you don't know about me

ah-ma-gahd-ma-bff-fahevah (note the overly dramatic juvenile pre-teen tone) crionaberry, meme'd me after stegbeetle meme'd her. see below because I meme'd YOU.

I'm such an open book. I think I've spilled everything. so, if any of this sounds familiar, just skip over it. or email me and call me a repetitive bitch.


::five things you don't know about me::

1. I'm barely 5'4. I haaaaaaaate being short. I am the shortest person in my family. I always wanted to be amazon goddess tall. 5'9 or 6'. height is sexy. I'd be thin! I could date short men and look cool.

3. I have an inappropriate obsession with floss. I will not kiss a non-flosser. I will not kiss a flesh-hound unless he's brushed and flossed. it's a freakish trait. however... I have converted many non-flossers. if you don't want to lose your teeth, floss. if you want to make out with me, floss. if you want to fuck me, floss. if you want any sexual play whatsoever, floss. I'm a flossing zealot. but, I can suck a bagel through an asian man's cock. so, isn’t it worth it? plus, you get to keep your teeth!

4. at present, I am enjoying a full and robust bush, and I emphatically refuse to wax at this juncture.

5. I am a forearm whore. the first thing I notice on a man is his forearms. relationships have burgeoned on this criterion alone. ok. so, they weren't intellectually gratifying, but who doesn't want to be twirled by a manly set of forearms for 5 minutes or more?! however, I will admit that when I'm looking for relationship dick, all I care about are brains-wit-and-charisma. I don't care what a man looks like. if he makes me laugh. if he challenges me intellectually and introduces me to new ideas, etc. and he has charisma. I can't scream, where do you want my ankles fast enough?!

::I am tagging::
wp, online bff 4ever
sweet honey smack
al sensu fingerboy
mullet boy
ribbed for your pleasure
vocab
midgetboy
guthgirl
mars
skirmish of wit
passion of the dale
romius
freak-and-a-whore
sparktacular
lewch

26 comments:

fingers said...

1. I really like midgets.
2. I especially like midgets with severe obsessive/compulsive disorders.
3. I prefer my obsessive/compulsive midgets to be unshaven.
4. I have forearms that would make Popeye green with envy.
5. I have killed every cunt that ever tagged me on a blog and I keep their fucking heads in a freezer in my basement...

katie schwartz said...

finger fuck. #5??? are you going for creepy of the year?! why didn't you post on your blog? oh, you wanted to mock shorty? nice, bubbie, very-fuckin-nice!

fingers said...

Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me.
I have completely misunderstood this whole tagging bullshit.
I never realised you had to put the shit on your own blog.
Then again, what would be the point ?? No one ever reads my stinking blog...

katie schwartz said...

finger fuck, everyone reads your blog. I'm on your blog right now. your blog rocks. it's hilar squared.

Al Sensu said...

OK, I'm game, but I can't do until the weekend because I need to actually think about this one. As to yours...
1. If you have a flat head, you're the perfect girl because I can rest my beer on it while you blow me.
2. Best wishes, seriously.
3. I not only floss, but I stimulate my gums with a toothpick every night. My parents put their endodontists kids through college and could take out their teeth to prove it. Not for me.
4. You already know how I feel about bush.
5. My forearms are not impressive looking, but functionally, they'll put your ankles whever the fuck I want them to be.

katie schwartz said...

sensu, bottle or can? I need to know if I should bring a trailer nosh.

can't wait for your answers!!!

fingers said...

BTW...just wondering...
By 'at this juncture' are you referring to 'this point in time' or the 'place at which your thighs meet'...

Ms Smack said...

hot damn woman you make me laugh. If you were a bloke, I'd floss night and day for you.

x

Will fulfil your request on my blog, as usual xx

Writeprocrastinator said...

Shit, I ducked this meme once already! Curse you, best online friend forever!

yournamehere said...

You are probably unaware of my now six month old ban on memes. For you, maybe, since I want to have sex with you.

katie schwartz said...

just so you know, finger fuck, I've never had the kind of full bush I've dreamed of having. I was breed to overproduce hair. one would think my v-spot would grow to jungle proportions. but, sadly that isn't so.

katie schwartz said...

thank you, sweet honey smack! I can't WAIT TO READ IT!!!!

katie schwartz said...

wp... duck schmuck. meem, please.

kidding. if you don't want to do it, I don't want you to feel pressured. you know the guilt will kill me.

katie schwartz said...

mullet boy. fuck the ban. you have to do this. I'm hoping beth makes an appearance :)

Dale said...

Congratulations on your no wax rule. But if you want to look taller, you're gonna have to shape it like a landing strip!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"wp... duck schmuck. meem, please."

Look at that, "duck, ya schmuck!" Who's a true New Yawker? All done with meme, ya see?

Al Sensu said...

I prefer bottles, but they're harder to balance, so I think a can, maybe Fosters since they're wider.

OK, I did it, but I put it on Hard & Fast. Damn you for drawing me out.

fingers said...

An ex of mine had the same problem, K.
She wanted a National Park in her pants instead of the cricket pitch she was given.
I told her maybe mulching would help and suggested she put a bag of earthworms in her undies and keep them there for a month.
She said, 'But what about the smell ??'
I said, 'Don't worry. If the worms die they're only $15 a kilo to replace...'

Creepy said...

If you were tall you wouldn't want to date short men.

Nicky said...

Ok I gotta get on these "tags" before they pile up! ASAP. Tout de suite. Ahora. Etc. On my blog, no later than tomorrow.

katie schwartz said...

your pen name is creepy? I am loving you so hard right now, you just don't know.

creepy is my favorite word!!!

katie schwartz said...

nicky, you do!! I can't wait to read it. it's going to be fabulous. I will hit your blog tomorrow. can't wait :)

Anonymous said...

ok sweetie, haven't you read my blog I hate being tagged. Hate it!!

but lucky for you it is raining and I was hard up for a topic- soooo you wanted it I did it.....

now careful what you drink this week.....

Edgy Mama said...

I'm with you on the forearms. It's really bad for me to be in an office in summer when all the guys are rolling up their dress shirt sleeves. Rrrrrrr.

katie schwartz said...

shroom, I'm sorry... I promise never to do it again. but, I appreciate that you did it. read it. loved it.

katie schwartz said...

oh edgy, loving you and your forearm yen right now!

 

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