4am... cunt's on fuego

it's almost 2 in the god damned mother fuckin' cock suckin' morning and what am I doing? working. I'm not getting to bed until 4 or 5. if my boss doesn't stop crawling so far up my fuckin' ass, I'm gonna charge him rent. he's got a god damned village touring my rectum with a few morons climbing through my intestines like it's mount fuckin' Everest.

I'm one jew, ok. that's it. I didn't part the seas and I don't even have split personalities. give a heeblette a break, you know?!

fuck me. fuck off. this sucks. I'm tired. not in the literal sense because I'm way too freaked out about my doctor's apt at 9:30 this morning, but I'd much rather be theoretically sleeping and horizontal.

my organic, hairy cunt sucking whore neighbor, ted, what a dick name, knocks on my door about an hour ago, wearing hemp shorts and no shirt. with his fuckin' unshaven pussy face goatee, in that grating, dry eyes voice, and says, can you please take your shoes off? I can hear you downstairs and I'm trying to sleep.

suck my ovaries, asshole!

then I slammed the door in his face and started laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. I was doubled over, screaming. I could not stop laughing.

well, I guess I better go back to bottoming for my boss.

this is so fucking creepy. I googled the fab dry eyes comedian and look what the devil delivered:: I don't understand. he's a jewboy and funny like nobody's business. what the fuck?!

----->>>> CLICK THAT IMAGE

Comments

Al Sensu said…
Everyone knows Christians are not funny.
6:33 AM
Mister Mxyzptlk said…
Katie, I think you need to go back on your meds. Tequila works well, too.
6:34 AM
Anonymous said…
Sweetheart, I always told you not to leave assignments for the last minute.
6:36 AM
yournamehere said…
I would convert for you. Really.
1:53 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
really? I'm so forlorn. I thought it was obvious that lapsed catholic cock is far tastier than brisket dick.

I think I need to stop holding back and being so shy, you know?!
5:17 PM
Anonymous said…
I dont know what the fuck you are writing about but you are smoking hot
8:32 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
oh, stroker, isn't that a serious pleasure plunger you've got between your legs?!

your comments are appreciated, but far too generous and misguided.

did you know that the world wide web was named after my hips?! interesting bit of trivia, no?

consider this your non-sexual trivia of the day
7:17 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
Read more

Best Spam Evaaaaaaaaaaah -UPDATE-

Image
Look what I found in my box today?! Aside from the fact that I'm a VADGE and there is a glaring typo " fie" instead of " fine" , they've made this dame a raging cunt- hate that (and her high, tight rack. Bitch ). Women don't behave this way. Women aren't cunty. Women don't emasculate men. That is not how we roll, yo. UPDATE : From the fabulous and flawless MonkeyMucker : Actually hon that's not a typo. the word "fie" is a somewhat rare wordthat is used to denote scorn or used in place of a swear or curse word.It was more popular in the old days, like say during the 16th thru 19th centuries . Who knew?! I had no idea. Simianboy, you're a wealth of knowledge. Grazie. Penis enlargement patches also do not work. If you want to keep your junk intact, don't be stickin' things in it, or on it that can damage the meat bat. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about your manhood, either. It's your dick, live it. Love it....
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article ...
Read more