Katie Schwartz

Sardonic and hilarsquared comedian Andy Kindler will be covering the RNC. He's on assignment for the "Late Show with David Letterman." "Weather permitting, I will be appearing via satellite on the show (11:35 PM on CBS) starting this Tuesday, September 2, for three nights in a row!!! Each evening I will attempt comedy with a three second delay! I must be excited about this!!! Notice the overuse of exclamation points!?! My punctuation humor is top notch."

Jumping off the poli wagon for a mo... Here's a good yarn for yas. The good folks at Heeb Magazine , a most excellent Jewey read, one of my favorites, placed me in their Battle of the Schwartzes for the summer 08' issue. Fab, right? I thought so, too. I highly recommend it, by the by. She, me, dished aplenty about my forthcoming book, Emotionally Pantsed, and my thoughts on being a Schwartz, etc. Ah, but there's a catch, if you look at the picture below, you'll see that it is me. However, look at the name? Not only did I get a new first name, I got a fabulous back-story-makeover. Didjyas know I was a Jeweler? A famous one at that. When you pick up this issue and read about Lorraine , I'm sure you'll agree that she sounds like a very cool and wildly talented dame, to be sure. If the opportunity to get a back-story makeover presents itself, is it so terrible to be someone who sounds this cool?! No siree bob. The winter issue of Heeb Magazine is due out in January/...

(FYI) Updates are in Red . Floating around the blogosphere are rumors that Palin's baby is her 16-year-old daughter's. I am jumping on this buggy faster than an Amish family churns butter. When this story finally breaks, it'll be huge. My girl, Politits has spun a must-read yarn with some interesting theories and facts we need to consider, It Matters . My other girl, PulpFriction is blogging her fierce and funny opinions, as well, here and here . And, of course, what post would be complete without the Daily Kos spin . (UPDATE) My girlie girl FranIAm has written a very important post about Faith and how Palin's faith, factors into this election. Read . (Update) via @drugmonkey on Twitter regarding a new article on the Daily Kos, Sarah Palin is NOT the MOTHER . Run. Read. Now. (Update) Politis new post Okay, Let's Talk About Something Important , John McCain's judgment and convictions to "Country First". Please read it. I love DCup. She's so ...

When asked by People ( HuffPo scoop ) if she was ready to be VP, Palin said, Yup . Very presidential that yup . You disagree? I guess so. She could've said "Fer shur, dude" or "Hells yeah" or "Yuppers" or "Fuck yeah, baby". I think it's offensive and insulting as hell to women, to think that we demmy broads would jump ship and vote for McCain because Palin has a vagina. Are you fucking kidding me?! SUCK MY OVARIES. I have news, Palin is a republican who wants to throw women back 50 years. She's anti-abortion, anti-equality, anti-gay marriage, she's opposed to universal health care, and if that shit-stew isn't disturbing enough, she's also pro-war, and a member of the NRA. Oh, there's more to come, children. This is the tip of the Palinstormberg. Hillary represents equality for women in the truest sense of the word. I would never vote for Palinstine, ever. When Biden and Palin debate, folks who are worried that he'...

... Say it with me. Thanks to my good friend Teeny for sending me this ginormous shot of Coco Grand Rapids and some research on Coco's website , she has a lot to say. Or should I say alot to say. In case you were wondering about Coco's breasts and if they're real, here are the facts straight from her V, also found on the BIO link: "My breasts have been enhanced (ya don't say?!) and they've been done since late in my 18 years age (that's a sentence I'd want to repeat) . I've always had nice sized breast (breastSSSSSSS) but I just wanted them to fit my shape and I love to go braless " (forTUNAtely, your breasts will survive you, and your braless corpse can bounce into eternity. Happy?) . If you log onto her site and hit BLOG ATTACK , you'll see this dandy note, too: "Blog Attack (with an image of big red lips) A lot of ugly blogs are out there saying some really mean things about your Coco . It's easy when no one ever says anythi...

Thanks to my good friend Bubbsie's mad skills and my less than desirable paint skills, we now have an official banner for the McCunt essay contest . Snag it, scoop it, syndicate it. Remember loverdeedo's, spin those yarns, or work your audio, or video mojo (love that word, it's so Camaro) and submit to katiegirl@gmail.com . I've gotten oodles of dandy submissions and have a few delicious spots left for October. Get ta'steppin, yo! After tonight's Obamalicious speech, I'm super motivated to elect this man into office. He was so presidential, wasn't he?!

So, yeah. okay. dish. Today, a friend of mine was driving along the highway minding her own business when some cuntola tried to sidle into her lane without signaling. She was going 55, and had to act quickly, you know how you do. She honked. Not long, not loud, short and quick. The lane stealing snatch called her fehatty. Fehatty! She's not fat. Chuvvy, yes. STILL. That's not really the point. Here is the point in my humble opinion when I've been called fehatty. It makes me feel soooo bad. As if fehatty-name-calling-snatchcookie called me the following one-liners: Stupid-fat-and-poor. Dirty-fuck-baby. And. Slovenly-bad-ass-wiper. It's okay to say fat. Chuvvy. Not a skinny minny. A chub on the low (meaning losing weight). Semi-Spheereena. Those I could live with. But, fehatty?! Ah, God, it's the worst. Cuntest updates from the Cuntessa (I cackle-snorted when I wrote that. Shame). I got the most di-viiiine PSA from the diva at PulpFriction . Her blog is so politicall...