Thursday, April 16, 2009

ONE FOR THE SHAME BUFFET, PLEASE


As we've discussed a blog is one part confessional, right? Right.

Today, I was reminded of the ultimate shamevent, I was with my ma and we were at the Farmer's Market buying produce, minding our own business when I happened upon my ex.

He didn't see me -- I saw him -- which was MORE than enough to make me run -- like a virgin towards the starting quarterback. I flew through the market. My ma, is, of course, fast on her feet and didn't need me to explain anything, she just followed. PS: That's love.

So terrified he would see me, I made my way into the back of the market and dove into a dumpster. Yes, I know that's disgusting. Whatevs, a girl does what a girl has to do.

A few minutes later, I could hear my mother laughing her ass off while leaning against the dumpster, so I peeked my head out of the top. Through tears, she said to me, "What the fuck is wrong with you, child?" I whispered, "I saw my ex, he was buying avocados. Remember he used to call them avo's? I hated that."

She looks to her left, sees him, whispers, "Duck", and slams the cover of the dumpster shut. She hid behind the dumpster.

Do you believe the shame?

Ten minutes later, she came out from behind the dumpster and made sure all was clear before helping me out of the can.

Oy vey, the lengths I will go to, to avoid this ex... don't ask.

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