Coco's Vagina Declared State of Emergency

Coco's vagina has consumed FEMA. Southern States pummeled by floods and avalanches are unable to provide assistance to residents. It's mayhem and madness. Residents were hoping that FEMA would get a reprieve from Coco's vagina. However, it's rumored that FEMA is trapped behind the Red Cross, Bush's dignity, and hundreds of North Korean nuclear missiles.

Governor Jim Gibbons-R of Nevada said, "This is no time for one of those liberal vaginapaloozas. Our citizens are in dire need of assistance. They're literally drowning. Six hours ago, we sent dozens of choppers and marines into Coco's vagina, hoping to liberate FEMA. We lost contact about an hour ago. But, we haven't given up. We're staying the course."

In a news conference that aired on ABC this morning, Bill Ritter-D of Colorado said, "Coco's vagina has already claimed too many countries, cities and lives. We will no longer be a hostage to Coco's vagina."

He believes Roswell and the movie Close Encounters weren't just works of creativity. Rather, he thinks the writers behind those stories narrowly escaped Coco's massive vagina, and based their stories on that very experience.

This is Katie Schwartz reporting to you live from the safety of her apartment. Wishing FEMA and all of those trapped inside Coco's vagina, Godspeed and a safe return.

Images courtesy of the great TeenyWeeny (thanks, baby).