Sunday, October 14, 2007

Retard Revolution

Remember that post I wrote about the Special Olympics of Grocery Shopping? I figgered you didn't, so hit the link and catch up. I know, I'm Snatcherella today. Deal. Or flee.

This afternoon my sister and I hit our new grocery store because we banned the SOGS store. The manager was an assholic prick about the mentally challenged. After you tell a manager you see on a daily basis that they're stupid and offensive, better to stick to your guns and not give them your business, right? Right.

I am here to say that there is an explosive retard revolution happening in the retail grocery industry in shlock angeles that I was not aware of. It's about fuckin' time if you ask me. The lines are longer. Bagging is a cooperative endeavor and if you're paying by credit or check card, you're gonna have to swipe twice on a good day, three on a bad day. Doable, honey. Do-a-ble.

Walking into the store today was like going to a sports arena to watch The Norms vs. The Tards in their final game of the series. You can feel the animosity and competitiveness. It's so strange. The Norms are just outright mean and The Tards are fighting back, giving it to them right up their asses. It's surreal, uncomfortable and fantastic all at the same time.

I'm rooting for the short bussers. I hope the retard revolution leaves an indelible imprint in all industries. It's so long overdue. Are you with me?!

Non-sequiturish of the day: Can dogs be retarded? Seriously, can they?


Writeprocrastinator said...

"Non-sequiturish of the day: Can dogs be retarded? Seriously, can they?"

And in all seriousness, I've seen some "overbred" dogs" that were as close to it as possible...especially golden retrievers, Irish setters and German shepards.

Amy Guth said...

Oh my gahhhhhd, I am dying, do you hear me, I am dying with laughter from you. "I am here to say that there is an explosive retard revolution happening in the retail grocery industry in shlock angeles that I was not aware of."

HAHAHAHAHA. Oh MAN. (wiping tears) Whew, hahahaha. Deep breath, Guthieroo. Whew.

DrugMonkey said...

Not only do I believe dogs can be retarded, I am convinced my cat is schizophrenic. The only explanation for some of her behavior is reaction to the meows she hears in her head.

It's what makes her the coolest fucking cat in the world.

Creepy said...

My cat is seriously, seriously neurotic.

And the revolution is occuring at my grocery store as well. It seems as if every bag person is, um, special. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when I ask them to double bag the heavy stuff instead of using 2 bags they put twice as much stuff in a single bag.

Al Sensu said...

My cat is slow.

So I'm taking him to Safeway to get a job.

Distributorcap said...

hey i used to be one of the those baggers/cashiers/fruit displayers (no comments)


go tards!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Psycho Kitty, qu'est-ce que c'est?

So I've Been Laid Off said...

ms. katie, if that guy is compelled to take revenge dumps in public, he's capable of a lot of other creepiness. you need to move east about 3,000 miles, where at least the smell would be masked by NBC's fall lineup and you'd feel safe. but while you're in LA, have you been to the Moun of Tunis restaurant on Sunset? Male and female belly-dancers (call ahead unless you're happy with either) and food good enough for the place to stay in business for two decades, since i was a lonely grad student out there. i went to the restaurant again a few years ago, but on a slow night, and the belly dancer came out to our table and asked me and my friend if we wanted her to dance. call me eunuch, but we sent her home. when it's a full room, it's a belly dance and you can enjoy your own fantasy. when there's two of you it's a lap dance, and i prefer those at work. love your blog, hon, and thank you for the kind words.


design by