Monday, May 14, 2007

green card worthy bride?

evidently... not. and, I'm pretty god damned pissed off about it, too.

at the minute, I will admit that I am horizontally challenged. it's a shortcoming. it's changing. I will also admit that today while running errands, I flew out in sweats and a sweatshirt. hair was pulled back, but not in a scrunchie. those are just wrong on every level. I wasn't wearing make-up, but I had sunglasses on. anywho, juice and I were driving along minding our own business. we were stopped at a red light when said green card candidate glanced my way in a wanton way, which was quickly replaced with never-fucking-mind.

never-fucking mind?! AM I soooo grotesque that I'm not even worthy of being a green card bride? so what if that isn't on my to do list. that's not the fucking point. the point is that he should've wanted me, if for no other reason than to woo me for american citizenship. the fact that he didn't is just plain mean, so I called him on it because it's that kind of a monday.

katie: excuse me, why did you look at me like I'm the anti-christ?

green card candidate: no habla engles.

katie: don't cross me, child. you know and I know exactly what I'm talking about. one minute you look at me like I could be hot and the next, like I'm trash. what gives?

green card candidate: I married.

katie: I don't see a ring. and, by the way, mister, you can't half-fast flirting. either you commit or you don't. and, you cannot, under any circumstances de-flirt after you've initiated an obvious flirt. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!

he sped away so fast, I could barely see his bright yellow, circa 1970 vw dust


Mountjoy said...

I am SOOOOOOO going to regret the timing of my latest post...

Eebie said...

Honey, I think you're beautiful!

What a great bit of writing - I loved it!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Hey, dude might've been gay and was just looking at your outfit, as opposed to you.

Or maybe he thought you were Latina, then realized...right?

Al Sensu said...

And why do you assume he passed because you weren't attractive enough?

Did you ever consider that you are too attractive, and don't you realize how intimidated we are by that?

(Mountjoy - you are toast!)

Coaster Punchman said...

I so totally agree on the de-flirt. How inappropriate. Reminds me of the times Poor George was walking through the Village and he saw these two guys ogling him (he has very nice legs.) When they got close enough to see his face one said "oh, wrong flavor." Guys are pigs! But we love bacon, right? Oh, you do eat bacon, don't you??

Evil Spock said...

Be glad that you're not married! Marriage always ends badly.

50% of them end in divorce, while the other 50% end in death. Evil Spock doesn't like those kinds of statistics.

Ros said...

I'm already married, but I'd make you my second wife for a Canadian health care card! Think about it...

Even worse ES, of the 50% that get out via divorce, 100% of them die. The only way out is to never get started. You still die, but at least you didn't have to go through marriage along the way.

Tanya Espanya said...

Katie, you know I'd marry you in a heartbeat. I crush you with my love.

Romius T. said...

I get this all the time. Women tell me that on first glance I can pass for cute or hott. But when they really take a look theings go hayire for them.

reality and such.

Anonymous said...

"green card candidate"

Wow, a Jew and a racist; big suprise.

Amy Guth said...

Palestgrinian, it's hilarious how much energy you put into throwing negativity out into the world. If you used that to champion causes you believe in instead of spinnng your wheels and ragging others, you might actually be takeb seriously. But, as it stands, you just look petty.

Discourse is a lost art. It's funny how easily threatened people are anymore.. and how you can always spot them by the venom they're spewing.

Just my opinion. Try to be nicer to my friend. If you can't be nice, at least be constructive with you comments.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Palestgrinian, begin again.

Please, read the context, it's clearly tongue and cheek. Please get to know someone before you paint them with a big, broad brush.

When you smear someone else without following the above, you paint yourself as the racist. Shu-krah.

Eebie said...

Writeprocastinator, very well articulated, shu-krah.

And Palestgrinian, if you will be so gracious to consider what writeprocastinator has written and take it to heart and see that the levity is the emphasis. Shu-krah.


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