Saturday, April 21, 2007

jumping for jesus!

my friends, ask not what jesus can do for you—ask what you can do for jesus.

spend a year jumping rope for jesus. learn how to start a jump rope club of your very own. or join coach dennis and his army of jumpers as they tour and entertain the impoverished in africa, peru, honduras and other desperately poor nations. these starving kids learn how to jump for jesus on swollen, empty bellies. if they survive and give up their souls, they get a meal!

jump for jesus motorcycle stunt ministry (courtesy of my darling crionaberry). these guys give you a simple how to guide to salvation in four easy steps: recognize, realize, believe and repent. these j-devils tour all over the bible belt indoctrinating anyone they can get their gosh darn hands on.

Their motto: "We risk it all, to share the Gospel" Without backing down or compromise we stand for the Truth in The Gospel of Christ.

A snippet from the homepage: "RAVEN is really cutting up for Jesus with her music. We did 18 shows during the 2006 season, ministered to nearly 12,000 souls and saw at least 130 come to know Christ as Savior.We traveled 2600 miles and collectively jumped over 98 automobiles, 3 motorhomes,28 motorcycles, 7 dragracing lawnmowers and three. Please pray about how you might possibly help support our work for the Savior this season."

you too can be a pumpkin jumping for jesus!

right off the homepage: "A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The woman replied, "It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see. "This was passed on to me by another pumpkin. Now it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch."

and now I'm passing it onto my pumpkins. ahhh, hal-eh-fuckin-lu.


Dale said...

This has been automatically added to the list of things that keep me up at night. Laughing.

Writeprocrastinator said...

We need "Backrubs for Jesus." A way to convert non-Christians to Christianity...

Katie's lumbar needs a rub-down, get to it, zealies.

Danielle said...

And with regard to the pumpkin thing--WTF? The girl is delusional.

Anonymous said...

I so need some that.

Eric Spitznagel said...

Wow. Are the Christians just worried that they're losing their title as the nuttiest religion in the world? I suppose this is better than bombing more abortion clinics, but still... Can "Smack Your Own Face Repeatedly For Jesus" be far behind?


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