I'm a schmuck

talk about a fuckin weird ass day. no. really. weird.



someone stole my fuckin' chair and I'm really pissed off about it. I think it was one of the hh's or my new shoulda-been-fabulous gaybor. here's the scoop: right in front of my door, in the hallway, I have a 1950's table with two vinty black chairs. they don't belong to me. I have a giant note on them that says, please do not take these. I am delivering them to someone. sorry for the inconvenience, schwartzy.



well, today when my sister was on her way out, we noticed my table was ajar and one of the chairs was MIA. I said, someone stole my fucking chair?! can you believe that? I'm a dead woman. I am so grossed out and skeeved by that, I can't even tell you. I'm going to knock on his fucking door and if my chair is there, I'm stealing it back, so there!



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I'm almost certain two eggs dropped this menses because I'm bleeding like it's going out of style. If I knew it was donatable, I would so schlep to the red cross and spread.



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I got two of the strangest, most random emails today. one from a chubby chaser who doesn't even know I'm vertically challenged. weird. the second from a dude I've also never met with a jewey fetish. his fetish wasn't eroticizing to me. no, it made me think of my grandparents. and, that's just not hot. to me.

Comments

Mountjoy said…
You have a chair, just for fucking?
9:29 PM
Anonymous said…
I would have to have stolen it too! You put a sign on there saying not to.

You would leave me no choice.
7:39 AM
Unknown said…
"his fetish wasn't eroticizing to me. no, it made me think of my grandparents. and, that's just not hot. to me."

But they are rockin to everyone else babee.

Sorry about the chair, but you do live in the building from Hell. Some of the stories you tell me have me shaking my head most of the time.

JDC
3:41 PM
Eric Riback said…
On the Lower East Side in the 70s there was a park you would go to buy back the shit the junkies stole from you.
10:47 PM
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